My little corner of the world...

2011-07-07T20:54:00.000-07:00

Have you ever had one of those times where you were so lost in a moment and then when it's over you realize that you were dreading it ending? I had one of those at a rooftop concert recently. The whole thing was great but the encore and big finale were just plain magical. Although I couldn't stay in that moment forever I now get to relive it because someone made a video of it. Watch it, enjoy it. It's hard not to. But then again, maybe you just had to be there.

Loss

2011-06-07T19:54:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking the last two weeks about growing up. I remember a friend of mine telling me almost every time he saw me (usually about once a year or less) that I had really grown up. I always thought it was a funny thing to hear from someone my own age but it also always made me happy because that meant that all of the work I had been doing was paying off.

Over the last two weeks I have had that same thought about myself, "You've really grown up." I've had what some are calling 3 big blows in the last two weeks. On a Friday I found out that my sister and her family would be moving out of state, which although it is great news for them and I am thrilled for them, it left me feeling a great deal of loss and sadness and loneliness. The very next day a long time close friend chose to end our friendship. Again, I felt a great loss and loneliness. After that horrible weekend filled with tears and heartache Monday came and I got up and went to work. About a week later one of my favorite clients passed away unexpectedly. Although he is happier and healthier the feeling of loss was (and is) great.

Now, I don't recount all of these things to make you feel sorry for me. I share them because I am happy to say that the Beth today got up and kept going the next day. The Beth of a few years ago probably would have hunkered down in bed and hid from the world. I think that with any loss or heartache you are bound to feel emotion but I have taken strength in my emotion. I apologize to any of you that have had the good fortune of seeing me break down in tears in the middle of a conversation. I apologize to the people on the road that have had to see my ugly cry several times in the last week (it seems that all of that thinking while driving leads to crying). But I am proud of myself. I'm proud of myself for embracing the emotions, for feeling the emotions and not seeing that as weakness. And I'm proud of myself for getting out of bed and facing each new day even if I feel a little sad.

One last thing, since losing my client last Tuesday I have felt more and more grateful for my job. Except for about 2 or 3 months where things were a little rough because of changes happening I have loved all aspects of my job. I love getting up each day and going to work. I love the variety of things that I get to do. I love that every day is different. I love being insanely busy and sometimes wish I had more hours to get things done. It isn't always easy to be that busy but I really would choose it over the alternative. But most of all I love the people. I love the clients that I have the opportunity to support and I love the staff that support the clients every day. My clients are some of the best people in the world and the people that work with them are right up there too. I was reminded of this at the funeral on Saturday. So many people came, people that work there currently and people that don't. And they all loved this client. It made me love them all more. And it made me love our little guy more too. (As if that is possible...) Our little buddy taught us how to have nonstop joy during his life here. Even if he was wrestling with you or picking on someone we would all just love him more because he made such a cute facial expression or noise while doing it. Even when he felt great pain or was very sick he always had a happy countenance. People were drawn to him and loved him deeply. I miss him a whole lot, going to his house is going to be tough for the next little while but he is happy and whole. He doesn't have limitations and I'm sure he is touching lives still.

There aren't many professions where you can meet such amazing people or feel such a sense of love and family because everyone is passionate about what they are doing and everyone knows that their little daily acts make a difference. I couldn't be more grateful for this opportunity and I hope I can continue to learn and grow with the help of those I interact with every day. I feel passionate about what I do and that is a fantastic feeling.

It spoke to me.

2011-05-10T21:51:00.000-07:00

Pretty much all two of you that read this blog probably saw this video on my facebook but I wanted to post it here too because it really spoke to me and lets be honest I didn't want to say "This video spoke to me" on facebook because then people would think I'm some kind of weirdo or something but all ya'll that look at this blog already know that I am so Hey guys, this short film really spoke to me and I thought it was beautiful. Yup, there you have it.

Happy

2011-05-08T22:18:00.000-07:00

I have had a few requests for blogs...sad to say I'm not feeling much like blogging these days but I figured I would post something happy since the last one was kind of a downer. (This was a request from my aunt). So there you go, happy baby m&m (as her brother calls her). And a cute video too...wow ya'll are lucky.

Day 24: A picture of something you wish you could change.

2011-03-09T20:43:00.000-07:00

The current fog that is my mind. I probably can change it but at the moment I can't figure out how...I will though.

Day 23 : A picture of your favorite book.

2011-03-07T22:12:00.000-07:00

Lora gave this book to me as a gift years and years ago. It makes me laugh out loud and I can read it over and over. Absolutely my favorite book, I highly recommend it. A Girl Named Zippy By Haven Kimmel

Day 22: A picture of something you wish you were better at.

2011-03-06T22:41:00.000-07:00

I'm back. The weekend was busy and blogging was put on the back burner. Speaking of burners...I wish I was better at cooking. I love doing it but I am not skilled at it. Coming up with different meals is a constant struggle and I wish I was a more creative cook. I want to understand spices and what goes with what. I just want to be better at cooking!! Anyone have any fantastic recipes to share? I'm always in search of great recipes!

Day 21: A picture of something you wish you could forget

2011-03-03T22:26:00.002-07:00

Why in the world would I post a picture of something I wish I could forget. Defeats the purpose don't you think? :)

Day 20: A picture of somewhere you'd love to travel

2011-03-02T23:47:00.000-07:00

I stole this picture from Rach. I want to go to Ireland!! And someday I will. :)

Day 19: A picture of you when you were little

2011-03-01T18:51:00.000-07:00

I've been so excited for this day. Here you go, my favorite childhood picture. Shows my horrible haircut (Sarah why was your hair so cute and mine so terrible?!?) and that my sister and I were goofballs. Love it :)

Day 18: A picture of where you hope to be in the future.

2011-02-28T20:51:00.000-07:00

I learned many years ago that life never ends up as you expect, it always ends up being better than you thought it could be though. And so, since I don't know at this point if my future will be filled with family or a career or something else (?) I will say that in the future I hope to be a person that is kind, loving, accepting, serves, is faithful and happy. :)

Day 17: A picture of something that has made a huge impact on your life.

2011-02-27T19:03:00.000-07:00

Day 16: A picture of someone who inspires you

2011-02-26T12:20:00.000-07:00

I actually can't post pictures of the people that inspire me the most right now, I would love to but it would be crossing all sorts of lines. I am inspired by the people I support at work. They are seriously the best people I know and you can tell how incredibly special they are. I love how quick they are to smile or to show love to people. I love when I see them and they laugh or clap or say "I missed you" and kiss me on the cheek. I love that they like to tell me about their lives and ask me for advice at times as well. I love the things that I learn from them, like how to laugh in the simplest of moments or how to really believe in myself. I love that they don't look at their lives with limitations, they plan for the future, they have dreams bigger than I dream for myself and they truly believe they can fulfill those dreams. Perhaps they won't be able to fulfill some of their dreams but it certainly doesn't hurt to dream because that makes more things seem possible.

To my sweet friends that I have the opportunity to interact with and serve each day, thank you for teaching me and loving me and helping me to feel alive and like life has a purpose. You have changed me for the better.

Day 15: A picture of something you want to do before you die.

2011-02-25T07:50:00.000-07:00

Ya'll might be shocked by this but I saw this on some travel show or something...zip lining in Catalina. I was shocked by the overwhelming desire to do that when I saw people flying through the sky over beautiful scenery. There may be cooler or more beautiful places to zip line but I have made zip lining in Catalina my goal. Here is a picture of the Catalina zip line, beautiful right?

Day 14: A picture of someone you could never imagine your life without.

2011-02-24T22:56:00.000-07:00

My momma. I sure look up to her a whole lot and love her even more. She is the perfect example of strength to me. Love you! (Isn't this a fantastic picture of her?? Love it)

Day 13: A picture of your favorite band or artist.

2011-02-23T22:25:00.000-07:00

Sugarland

Train, especially Hey Soul Sister at the moment

Yeah, I'm one of those people. The kind of person that sometimes enjoys covers of songs more than the original.

This changes almost daily...I definitely don't have a "favorite" but there are pictures of my current fall backs. Especially today when my normal pandora stations all sounded super whiny and annoying for some reason.

Day 12: A picture of something you love

2011-02-22T18:43:00.000-07:00

Boston, not a thing but I sure do love it and miss it all the time. I loved this trip, my time with Corinnie and seeing that this place that I always dreamed of was everything I thought it would be and more. I can't wait to go back someday.

Day 11: A picture of something you hate

2011-02-21T22:14:00.000-07:00

I've been feeling a lot of anxiety for the last week and I hate it...so there is the closest thing to a picture of anxiety.

Day 10: A picture of the person you do the craziest things with

2011-02-20T19:31:00.000-07:00

I don't do many crazy things...my lack of inspiration for this post makes me think that I need to be a little more adventurous. Sad day...I'll have to take a rain check on this one and do it again another day after I figure out how to do crazy things and who to do them with. :)

I did some pretty crazy stuff with Tom and my other MD pals in my high school days...Crazy to me at least, probably normal to most people.


I used to do some pretty "crazy" stuff with these guys, too.

Day 9-A picture of the person who has been with you through the most

2011-02-19T16:11:00.000-07:00

Maybe it's wrong to post a bunch of different people for this one but if it's wrong I don't want to be right. :) I have the best, most supportive people in my life and I love them all. This one is hard for me as it is because if I could post a picture of every single one of the people that have impacted my life I would but that would be a bit much so I post the people that I consider my safe people. These are the people that I run away to when it all gets to be too much and these are the people that welcome me in with open arms pretty much every time. I love you all. And if you think I'm a horrible person for not posting a picture of me with my mom here are two things for you 1. I don't have a picture of me with my mom :) and 2. I'm saving that for another, even more appropriate picture blog. It's wonderful to me that I met all of these people (except my sister, of course) in my first ward in Utah. That ward blessed my life like I never could have imagined.

Ben, Amy, Corinnie and Lora. Ben and Brenae's house is my safe place. I wish she was in this picture too, they are an incredible support to me. Amy who I can laugh with and run away to St George for a getaway. Corinnie who goes on trips with me and is my #1 blog and facebook stalker and I have the best conversations with. Lora, you've all heard about her already. Love ya!!

My sister is a superhero. She has a fantastic family and is an all around wonderful person. She listens to me vent she listens to me cry and she listens to a whole lot of other babble too. She sees good in me that I don't see in myself. I hope I can be all of those things for her as well.


Chris is a wonderful friend to me. He teaches me things, he challenges and encourages me to do things that are hard for me and he sees what I can be and helps me to see that as well. He listens to my babble, he is far too generous to me and he makes me feel stronger than I am.

Rach knows me, she gets me and doesn't require explanation about most things. She calls in that moment when I need her and she is a true, loving and supportive friend. She forced me to eat a protein bar when I got out of the hospital many years ago even though I thought it was disgusting and she did it because she cares about me.

Day 8-A picture that makes you laugh

2011-02-18T19:37:00.000-07:00

That's my Uncle in a flowery apron holding a beer. Looove it.

Please sir can I have some more??

We're really big nerds trying to be models and I luff it.

It has been said that if you look up right as your picture is being taken your smile will look more natural. Carrie and I can never quite get the timing down on it though...I wish I could find the pictures of us doing this as teenagers. HI-larious. (Camille, I stole this from you. Thanks!)

Day 7-A picture of your most treasured item.

2011-02-17T17:37:00.000-07:00

This one is hard for me. I don't really feel that way about my "stuff". Although I do like my stuff. Maybe I'm not being deep enough, who knows. I do know that I love my car, Blossom, though. She's cute, she's reliable and she gets me where I need to go without any worry on my part. And she came into my life at the perfect time, not necessarily under circumstances I would choose but it all worked out.

Day 6-A picture of a person you'd love to trade places with for a day.

2011-02-16T18:11:00.000-07:00

Either of these two cutie pants, for many different reasons. Mostly because they get to play and take naps all day and when Austin does "paperwork" it involves crayons and construction paper. Oh, and the best part would be hanging out with my sister all day. Also I'd love to see what kind of chaos they created with my "paperwork" after we were done with trading places. :)

Day 5-A picture of your favorite memory

2011-02-15T20:32:00.000-07:00

How about two favorites from last year?

#1 Seeing Wicked with Chris. It was more amazing than I could have imagined. The whole San Francisco trip is a favorite memory of mine. It was a very healing and fun trip on many levels. And did I mention that Wicked was AMAZING?

#2 Taking my sweet Austin to see Disney on Ice. I loved seeing that little guy so happy.

Day 4-A picture of your night.

2011-02-14T22:33:00.000-07:00

Happy Valentine's Day again! A few pictures of my night...I promise I was there, just behind the camera.

Valentine's Day!!

2011-02-14T18:30:00.000-07:00

Ya'll are getting two posts today. Yup, that's just how much I love Valentine's Day!! A day for wearing pink, telling the people that you love how you feel about them, making treats and sharing them, eating Lovesagna, and so much more. :) I have two Valentine's today. One is my Gran and the other one is Austin. I asked them both if they would be my Valentine and they both accepted. I'm a pretty lucky gal.

I hope you all have a wonderful Valentine's Day! I love all of my friends and family and feel blessed to have you all in my life! *hugs*

Day 3- A picture of you and your friend.

2011-02-13T13:37:00.000-07:00

Well that's a broad topic isn't it? I just picked a folder and found this picture that makes me laugh out loud. That was a fun time and a really fun night. So there we go, a picture of me (looking oh so attractive...) with my friend Brian. Gooood times. My former boss, Teresa, told me that I look like an oompa loompa in this picture...Can you see the resemblance? How sad...

Day 2-A picture of you and the person you have been closest with the longest.

2011-02-12T17:29:00.000-07:00

This was a tough one so, new rule, I'll post as many pictures as I want. :) I have a lot of long time friends in my life.

1st-In recent years, Lora. We became friends soon after I moved to Utah and I would say she has been the most consistently close friend since. We've been friends for almost 10 years and have talked, emailed or visited regularly the whole time as far as I can remember. I love her because we think alike, feel similarly about things, have the same (fantastic!) taste in music and we just get each other. She is like family to me and I love her for it! (I was looking for old pictures of us and found this one which happens to be my all time favorite picture of Lora and I)

#2-Officially the longest? Laura. We don't talk much anymore but we have been friends for as long as I can remember. (You all remember the french toast/powdered sugar story). Laura is one of those friends that I know that, if I needed to, I could call her out of the blue for anything. Up until she moved away from Utah we saw each other pretty regularly and we always make time to see each other when we are in the same state. Laura is probably the person that I have been closest to for the longest period of time. Love you Laur!

30 Days

2011-02-11T14:35:00.000-07:00

I found this in my internet wanderings and I thought it would be a fun thing to try since I love pictures and haven't been blogging much these days. :)

I have a list with something to post every day for the next 30 days and so, I begin with Day 1.

Day 1: Post a picture of yourself and 10 facts.

1. I never sleep soundly if I'm not sleeping with my teddy bear, Fuzzy.
2. Sometimes I don't want to be around people but there are a few people that I love to be around anytime, even when I feel like that.
3. I wish my hair was naturally a nice dark rich color.
4. I want to live in my current house for forever. I love it so much.
5. I have a craving to run away again, I need to be rich so I can travel.
6. I work too much and think about work too much, and yet I still love it most days.
7. I have the greatest people in my life, my heart gets full and happy every time I think about it.
8. I love cupcakes, LOVE.
9. I love bags, and purses and always walk through that section in stores just to see if "the one" is there waiting for me.
10. Listening to music makes me feel alive.

WAIT!! I'm a Pisces??

2011-01-13T20:31:00.000-07:00

No wonder I had such a rough day...My whole world shifted and I didn't even know it. ha!

How do you think the people who live their lives around their horoscopes must be feeling right now? Their whole life was a lie...A LIE!!

Ok, I know everyone and their dog is talking about this but it did make me giggle and after the day I've had that giggle was worth sharing. :) The funny thing is, I was doing pre-service for a new employee the other day and I noticed that his birthday is the day after mine. He said oh, nice! Aries! I hadn't referred to my zodiac sign in forever, how random that someone would and now BAM it's different...I wonder how he is taking it. Ok, I know I'm a big random mess right now but there it is.

And here is my new horoscope for today. I even got some advice on how to plan a party...niiice!

"Focus in on the things that really need accomplishing and the rest of the day will move along quickly. Someone has good ideas and not realizing it, may just leapfrog you forward in your career. Up-to-date information is most important to your business and you work and research to find the most recent theories and research that will help in your future projects and contacts with professional people. A strong urge for the social life finds you visiting with the neighbors this evening. Planning a future get-together is fun and a good way to bond and to keep in the know around the neighborhood. Consider suggesting a time to enjoy games and each other's food with perhaps a progressive dinner. A treat at each house: appetizers, salads, side dishes and desserts."

2010 did not suck.

2011-01-09T23:22:00.000-07:00

I was just thinking about my New Years resolution for 2010 and I think it might possibly be the first one that I ever succeeded at. Maybe I need to choose broader resolutions more often. :) For those of you who don't memorize my blog posts my goal for the year was to recover from 2009. I'm happy to say that I did and had a pretty dang good year while I was at it. It wasn't perfect, crappy stuff happened (Car was totaled, for example) but overall it was great. I felt happy, grew stronger, moved closer to the city, got a job that keeps me busy and makes me feel like my days have meaning, moved to a place that feels like a home, bought a reliable car, overcame constant and debilitating anxiety (it's not gone but I can live again), went on a few trips and a whole lot more. I couldn't be more grateful for what I have been given and for the great year that I had.

I hope this year will be equally rewarding. A few goals that I have set for myself for this year include, read at least 2 books a month (I'm taking recommendations! I'm reading The Help right now, already my second book this month woo!), attend the temple more regularly, put my laundry away once it is done and a few more that I don't plan to share. Mostly I just want to have more fun, love more and work at being a kinder, more grateful and more in tune person.

2010-12-29T20:34:00.000-07:00

There are few moments in my life when I think to myself, "I wish I had a husband." I like to think that I'm a pretty independent gal, but even so, those moments still come up. One did tonight and that has inspired me to make a list of the moments that I have thought that.

-While shoveling the driveway for 40 minutes (as the snow still falls...)
-When dealing with car insurance companies.
-When taking my car to an auto shop of any kind.
-When I had to (past tense, thank goodness) scrape my windows at the crack of dawn. (And maybe only in my dreams would a husband actually get up and scrape my windows at the crack of dawn but hey, a girls gotta dream right?)

But then again, I could get a snow blower, have my mommy call the car insurance company next time, ask my brother in law to go with me to the auto shop and park my car in a garage (done). Nonexistent pity party over.

About time for Random Thoughts from Beth, right?

2010-12-28T19:48:00.001-07:00

Right! :)

-I was watching an episode of ER (guilty pleasure) last night and after finding out that her husband died a woman had what seemed to be a heart attack. The doctors realized it was Broken Heart Syndrome. I looked it up and as you can see, it's real. I have been thinking about it a lot today. I've decided that although it does seem kind of crazy I can also kind of understand why it happens. Either way it's really interesting to me and it has been on my mind. I've felt heartache before, where it literally feels like physical pain, it's so interesting to me how emotions can affect you physically.

-I realized today that if I put gloves on when my hands are already cold they never get warmer but if I put gloves on when they are already kind of warm they stay warm. Is this common? Is this some kind of known rule that I've been missing out on for the last 27 years? I'm so curious now!

-For the last two weeks my job was rough. The days were long, stressful, overwhelming and left me in tears almost every day. When I went to bed last night I was dreading today. I knew this week would be more chill but I was worried that the constant dread I have felt before going to work each day was going to last. I've had this feeling with many jobs before, where I didn't want to get out of bed, but had made it 8 months at this job without feeling that once and it scared me. Once I got to work today it felt normal again. I am catching up on a lot of things that haven't been done because of some other craziness and I worked until 7 without stopping. I didn't really have to be there until 7 but the time just passed so quickly and I was happy to be there. My new boss came out and said, Beth! I wish there were more hours in the day so I could work more! And as crazy as it sounds, I agreed with her. I love having a job that makes a difference in peoples lives. Even when I sit there doing silly paperwork or talking with employees or filing or anything like that I always have my sweet clients in my head because all of those little things, all of the processes that have been implemented, are there so we can support these amazing people. And for that, I am grateful.

-I decided today that I don't have enough Amy in my life and I have been wanting to run away for the last two weeks so I'm going to go down south the weekend of January 8th (as long as the weather doesn't interfere). Anyone want to join me?

-My niece and nephew are the greatest. I have been thinking about the fun Christmas day I had with them and they just fill my heart with joy! I love that when Austin opened his present from me he said "no way!" (which was a new found phrase as of earlier that morning) and I love that Emily snuggled on my lap with me off and on throughout the day. I love that they both climbed up on my lap to read a book resulting in a picture that is quite similar to one taken last Christmas. I love being their Auntie and I'm so excited that #3 is on the way! I also love that my sister and brother in law know me pretty darn well and that they let me visit so often. They're the best!

That sure was random. :)

Happy Thanksgiving, back.

2010-11-25T07:31:00.002-07:00

Every year on Thanksgiving I get that lovely line from You've Got Mail stuck in my head and say it over and over again. Love it!

Happy Thanksgiving friends and family! I love you all! I am grateful to have a family that loves me more than I deserve, friends that see the best in me and support me always, a testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ and many blessings that I work to be worthy of everyday and am very grateful for. I'm also grateful that in one week I'll be at home with my family!!

I'm off to have an "untradational" thanksgiving with Chris. Our dinner includes Chris' famous tacos, green bean casserole, mashed potatoes, sausage stuffing and much more. I'm grateful to have the "tradition" of Thanksgiving with my friend. I hope you all enjoy your day! Love to you all!

4:30 AM

2010-11-16T22:42:00.002-07:00

4:30 AM has become my least favorite time of day. Without fail every morning at 4:30 I wake up. Some days it I only stay awake for a few minutes and then fall back asleep and some days I stay awake for hours before falling asleep again. I have also been having trouble falling asleep at night. My mind just thinks and thinks and goes over and over every little thing that happened during my day or every little thing that I need to get done at work or every little fear that I have about the future or the present. I agonize over things that I said the day before and worry that I hurt someone or said the wrong thing or didn't take care of something.

I have never had this problem before. I've always been able to fall asleep and stay asleep and I miss it. In part I am grateful that my heart is so invested in so many things that it keeps me up at night, while at the same time it isn't healthy. It makes my temper short and some days my patience non-existent. I've been working on being more positive and seeing the good in every day but a lack of sleep makes it harder.

Everyone cross your fingers that I can sleep again someday.

In other news, I fell in love today. One of the people we support at work came in with his new puppy and I almost died. I don't usually fall in love with dogs so quickly but this one stole my heart in seconds. I couldn't get enough of him! They let me take him out of his carrier and I just sat there and snuggled with him. I can't remember the type of dog he was now but all I know is that he had beautiful blue eyes and soft white fur and it made me want a dog more than I ever have before. Anyone have a puppy that I can cuddle with and then give back??

Fun!

2010-11-14T22:20:00.003-07:00

On Friday night Brenae asked all of us when the last time we gut laughed was. We started talking about having fun and "playing" more. The conversation struck me because it is something I have been thinking about for awhile. I remember being in San Francisco with Chris and having a conversation about it. He did a good job of trying to let go and ended up being goofy and dancing around the hotel room while I sat there and could literally feel fear and lack of confidence stopping me from joining in. So it's a new goal for me. I want to enjoy life more. I want to be less serious and find the fun in situations. I want to laugh more and and play more. So this is where my journey to find the fun in life begins.

How do you guys have fun and let go of the seriousness of life? I'd love to hear about it!

I find that ehow.com is full of great ideas. They seem to have an answer to anything that I google. Here is the answer to how you can have more fun in life. :) http://www.ehow.com/how_5684593_fun-improve-life.html

Thank you November!

2010-11-13T14:06:00.009-07:00

How about a long one to make up for the last 4 days?

I was just thinking yesterday that November has been awfully kind to me. A lot of my favorite people were born in November and they aren't just your everyday, hey that person is swell, kind of friends. They're the kind I see being around forever. Like old and gray sitting in rocking chairs on the porch talking about "the good old days" kind of friends. The ones that, even though we may not see each other often, I feel a constant connection to. You know the kind? This is my mini-tribute to them. The first birthday of the month was my little niece Emmy but I've already given her an entire post. And here they are, in order by date. Ready? Go!

Heatherfer strangling me while hanging out in our favorite place.

Heatherfer, Heffer, Heatha Lee, Heather Bee Lishop- November 12th- Ah, she's a good one that Heatherfer. Our friendship began because of her mom. It was one of my first days going back to church after several years and her mom came up and said that she couldn't wait for me to meet her daughters because she just knew that we would be friends! Heather is one that I rarely see but when we're in the same state we always make time to get together. There is no awkwardness after months of not seeing each other, just a whole lot of talking and laughing and catching up. I sure love her for that!

Joanie and I making a snow man over Christmas break before she was a wife or a momma.

Joanie-November 14th- She may have less nicknames but that doesn't mean I love her any less. :) Joanie and I met at EFY and grew a long and lasting friendship over many trips to Kings Dominion and Fredericksburg, VA. We had sleepovers galore, drove from state to state visiting friends (still can't believe our parents let us do that...) and ate a whole lot of food. Joanie and I haven't lived in the same state since we were 17 and have never lived closer than an hour or more drive but we have made it work. From visits to Idaho or Utah, a drive to North Carolina over Christmas break or the many drives to Frederick and Baltimore we've kept a friendship that I don't plan on ever losing. :) She's married and a momma now and we don't get to talk much but I love her and I love her insight and I love knowing that we'll always be friends. Maybe someday we can live closer to each other. :)

Al and Conor while painting our living room.

Al, Alley-son-November 14th-Another November 14th? Did I forget to mention that most of these friends were born within a week of each other (in different years of course). Al and I were roommates at The La Hacienda and are roommates once again. I feel like we are the perfect roommates and I'm a wee bit sad that she'll probably be leaving me in the next few months for an eternal roommate but these things happen (especially when you live with me). Al and I have a lot in common, and are also very different. I love her for her willingness to ask me hard questions and to challenge me to be better. We've gone long periods of time without seeing each other or talking but it tends to be pretty normal once we see each other again. I'm grateful to be able to live with Al for a few more months before life changes.

Proof of Chris encouraging me to face fears.

Chris-November 17th-Yup, even my best friend was born in that one week period. See, November is good to me. Chris and I met at the ripe old age of 18 and bonded over the making of enchilada's, roommates that threw tables and an epic (EPIC!, chris) prank war. Our friendship grew after his mission and now I consider him like family. We've gone on many adventures, including San Diego, Vegas, San Francisco and Gaithersburg. We've had our moments and our difficult times but we've always come out of it and usually stronger. He has the ability to make me laugh even when I don't want to, he encourages me to do things that I'm afraid of, I have told him things that I don't see myself sharing with anyone else. I feel like I can be myself around him and although I have walls that prevent me from being perfectly confident in things he proves to me again and again that he won't ever look down on me for feeling a certain way. When I look at where our friendship started and look at it now all I can say is, I'm grateful. We've been through a lot, a lot of things have changed, we have changed as people and we have gone through a lot of difficult personal times but our friendship has lasted and gotten better along the way. This poor boy is stuck with me for the long haul. :)

Sassy and Uncle Tommy-November 26th-Thank you November for giving me an Aunt and Uncle. :) They're pretty great. You probably wouldn't guess that they are twins upon meeting them because they couldn't be more different. Some people think it's odd that I'm so close to my Aunt. Our family is weird like that though. She's a fun aunt and a loving and involved aunt. Sometimes this might mean that she's a worry-filled aunt as well. :) We're pretty lucky to have her. As for Uncle Tommy, I was afraid of him until about 6 months ago (ok...maybe a few years) but I'm finding that he's just a big joker and a loving guy. I may have ruined "the big game" the day that I was born but I think at least part of him was glad I was here. :) I'm excited to see them both when I go home in a few weeks!

Aunt Debby-November 28th-Sad that not having facebook to remind me made me forget my Aunt Debby. My apologies! I always love seeing my Aunt Debby and going to their house. Christmas without going to their house never feels right to me. A few years ago I had to fly back to Utah on Christmas and everyone (especially me) was so sad that I had to leave before the festivities really began. Much to my joy the flight was overbooked and I was able to fly home the next day. I loved walking back into Aunt Debby and Uncle Tommy's house and hearing all the joyful sounds. It felt like Christmas for real at that point. Have I mentioned that Aunt Debby is also a wonderful cook? I want to be like her someday!

Corinnie, Rin, Wee Wee-November 30-Corinnie was one of my first roommates and things started out a little bumpy. Then out of the blue over Christmas break we realized we missed each other and talked for several hours on the phone. Ah, that was the beginning of a beautiful friendship. Corinnie is one of my favorites and I love our phone dates. (I hate that we have to have phone dates but busy lives call for such things.) After traveling with Corinnie I decided that either SHE is the perfect traveling companion or it's just that a former roommate is the perfect traveling companion. We spent 5 days together 24/7 (even had to share a bed) and never fought. We both had frustrating moments, mostly due to getting lost on a regular basis and we just knew when to leave each other alone. It was perfect. Corinnie was with me on the horrendous drive across the country when I moved back to Maryland. It was long, and I was sad and very much lost in my thoughts most of the time but we still managed to have fun and come out of it still friends! Go us! Corinnie and I laugh lots when we are together and she is a fantastic listener. We can always count on each other for a good rant too. I'm sure that we'll be friends for many years, we have to be because we have many more Boston trips planned. (We have a 5 year plan, it's serious!)

Random

2010-11-09T22:19:00.003-07:00

I get to see my momma in less than a month. The thought of that makes me all sorts of happy. I haven't been home in almost a year and a half and I haven't seen my mom since the beginning of the year sometime...March maybe? That's far too long in my opinion.

Sleep is calling me. This whole blogging everyday thing is harder than I remember but then again maybe I'm busier this time around. I really like being busy and I like that I'm learning new things every day. Never a dull moment.

I've worked with my best friend for the past 6 months. Although we have had some hard times, I count myself lucky. He taught me many things that I don't think I ever would have been trained on otherwise and he has been a great support on hard days.

We broke down and turned the heat on today. I don't know if I feel good about it or not. I guess I'll know how I feel when we get the gas bill.

I am having dinner with my roommate, her boyfriend and another couple on Thursday. It's funny how I can hang out with the Ben, Brenae, Lora and John and feel like I belong and how I can think about this dinner and think nothing but "5th wheel 5th wheel 5th wheel." I'm sure it won't be like that but the fear is always there.

I haven't been sleeping the best lately. It annoys me. Thank goodness for Allison's laptop. I have been falling asleep to Gilmore Girls episodes. It's the only way I fall asleep. I should probably give it back sometime though.

Speaking of things I should probably do...time to get ready for bed.

Where have I been?

2010-11-08T18:15:00.002-07:00

Have you guys seen this?

I don't know about you but I thought kids these days were still jamming out to the original (I mean with gems like Zoot Suit Riot and Barbie Girl and MMMBop why wouldn't they be?!) But they're on #36 now?!? This is crazy! The worst part is that I just listened to a few of the songs and don't know most of them. I'm becoming an old woman! I need to start listening to the radio STAT.

Now, my question is, what happened to Jock Jams? Now THAT was quality music. You can buy the "audio cassette" here if you are missing the old days...It's $4 for used or $6 for new (new?!).

This is for you sister. I remember listening to this over and over again when we were teenagers.

2010-11-07T12:51:00.002-07:00

Do you guys read Nie Nie's blog? She inspires me a whole lot so if you don't read it you should check it out along with this mormon messages video that shares her story.

Today when I was checking my reader I found a new post on Nie's blog. She posted a video of her husband singing with Mindy Gledhill and for some reason it brought a whole lot of joy to my heart. So today I want to share it.

Life is a blessing, enjoy the small moments.

2010-11-06T18:36:00.003-07:00

I missed a day but it was worth it! :) I was busy playing with my niece and nephew and Maya and hanging out with my sister and Lora and Ben. It was a lovely 24ish hours and a needed "get away". If you can call it that.

This past week was hard and draining and it's making this whole blogging every day thing a real challenge. I guess it's a good reminder that life isn't perfect but with a little faith you can do anything. I'm trying to be a little bit stronger. I'm trying not to think too much or regret too much. I'm trying to make the most of my weekend and see what Monday brings. Hopefully it will bring goodness but if not, I know where to find the strength that I need. Now if only this pit in my stomach and ache inside of me will just go away I'll be all set! I just need to remember that I'm not perfect but I'm doing my best and so is everyone else.

Today I'm thankful for my Emmy who was super cuddly and lovey with me today. She has no idea how much I needed it. I'm grateful to Austin for playing the "hittin' game" (where we ram cars into each other and then laugh really hard) and to my sister for letting me sleep in her bed after I got carsick and to Jerr for grilling really yummy hot dogs and to Lora for distracting me from life and being an amazing friend and to Ben for letting me stay at his house and making steak and egg burritos for breakfast. And for lots more...

So You Think You Can...

2010-11-04T22:03:00.002-07:00

Dance!!!

I went to their show tonight and it was so great! For all you SYTYCD fans, I'll share the highlights!

-Robert (doi)
-If you watch the show and remember the betrayal dance that Neil and Kent did and loved it...well, you missed out because Kent and Robert danced it together tonight and it was incredible!

-Russell, Dominick and Jose dancing together. It was amazing! And so funny! I think the producers made the right choice letting Dominick go on tour he added a lot of humor that wouldn't have been there otherwise.

(Found a video of it on youtube!)

-The group Bollywood dance. It was so fun!
-The group Disco dance, ALSO so fun!

-Robert and Allison's Fix You. Maybe it is because I'm super emotional today or maybe it's because that dance touches me but I cried a whole lot. It was beautiful.
-Kent and Lauren's prom dance going directly into the My First Kiss dance (which was originally danced by Kent and Anya) It was so fun!

-Lauren and Russell doing My Chick Bad...Russell doesn't hold a candle to Twitch but it was a fun dance to see again.

Oh and I can't forget, they showed a video of Alex and Twitch's hip hop. I love it every time.

There was tons more and it was all amazing but those were my favorite parts! And for your viewing pleasure, a video or two.

(They won't let me embed these...how about some links! :)

Fix You
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_TsR1yiAe9g

Twitch & Alex
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TLtSfYX8tJk

Some of the first videos were other people's recordings so they aren't great but there it is!! Going was worth every penny and I'm so glad I got to go!

1??

2010-11-03T06:14:00.003-07:00

My niece is 1 today! I kind of can't believe it! I'll be honest, I was a little worried that I wouldn't be able to love another niece or nephew as much as I love Austin but sweet Emmy proved me wrong. I guess your heart really does grow! :)

I don't get to spend as much time with those two kiddos as much as I would like BUT there are some things that I super love about Emmy!

I love that when she smiles her ENTIRE face lights up.
I love that she can be super friendly and walk around saying hi to people that she doesn't know and that she can also be shy and cuddle up to her mommy and daddy.
I love that she recognizes my voice when she hears it on the answering machine.
I love that she makes a funny breathing noise when she's excited.
I love that she is getting old enough to remember me and will come to me with no reservations (and very very very occasionally will choose for me to hold her instead of her mom...it's rare).

I love that she is a fiery little thing. She may be the second child but she makes her presence known.
I love getting her out of her crib and holding her when she first wakes up. She is always happy to see you and she can be really cuddly too.

Happy Birthday Emily Mae! I love you!

Auntie Beff

Life

2010-11-02T21:12:00.003-07:00

Today life kind of distracted me from the idea of blogging. For years I have been wanting to be busy and to feel fulfilled and it makes me so happy when I get home at night feeling like I had a great day filled with hard work, good people and a little bit of relaxation too. I come home at night to a place that feels like home. I have a roommate that is the best "fit" I could imagine for my life where it is right now. I have a job that, although busy and sometimes stressful, I can't wait to go to the next morning. I live close to a real city and I absolutely love the location. I have great friends and have tons of fun with them. I work with people that teach me how to love more than I knew was possible. I am in a very small ward and it reminds me that my presence there matters. I can make a difference and make some great friends too.

Is life perfect? Of course not. Do I complain more than I should? Definitely. When life gets hard or overwhelming these days the best thing to me is that when I stop and think about things all I can feel is gratitude. Now I just hope that I can do everything I can to keep this feeling no matter what happens around me. I was reminded of this when someone spoke in church and shared a story from high school. He said that his institute teacher asked them if they felt like their lives would end if their girlfriend/boyfriend broke up with them or if they couldn't play their favorite sport or if they lost a friend. He told them that if they did feel that way their lives weren't based on the right thing. When I put my trust in the Lord I know I can feel stronger in any situation than I would if I wasn't.

This is a huge jumble of thoughts, but really what's new? I think I'll go read Harry Potter now. :)

Dedicated to Corinnie

2010-11-01T22:21:00.003-07:00

I've been thinking lately that it might be fun to do another month long blog-a-thon and that idea is becoming a reality because of Corinnie. Yesterday she wrote on my facebook that I need to update my blog more often. So Corinnie, I dedicate this month of blogging to YOU! (Could you ask for a better birthday present? I'm so generous, I know.) I will do my very best to post every day. It's kind of fun being an every day blogger. Life suddenly becomes more interesting and I have more moments of "I could blog about this" than I do when I'm not thinking about blogging.

Can't wait to see what this month has in store for my life! :)

Eat meat sparingly.

2010-09-20T22:03:00.003-07:00

Tonight I went down south for FHE with the Tanners and Hulberts. Many months ago Lora and I had the grand idea that we would like Ben to teach us how to grill meat. We never did anything about this idea until last week when we planned a meat grillin' good time. We each brought meat (or pumpkin muffins in my case...) and Ben showed us how to season and grill it to perfection. Tucanos could close down tomorrow and I wouldn't care. They've got nothin' on Ben's grilling skills. We had tuna (so so good), boneless pork ribs (cooked two different ways with bbq sauce on them), chicken (marinated by the lovely Lora) and steak (my favorite, the tuna was a close second).

I will direct you to what I am sure will be a wonderful blog post about this evening once Lora writes her blog. She took lots of pictures and she's just a fabulous blogger. :)

I'm so glad that after a somewhat long day I was able to go and spend time with my friends that have a way of always lifting me up. When I lived close by I called the Tanners house my safe place. No matter what is going on in life I always feel completely safe and peaceful there. I hope that I will be able to have that same spirit in my home someday.

It was, by no means, a bad day it was just a tense day for me and I left with a happy and grateful heart. The weather was perfect, the food delicious and the company exactly what I needed. I laughed until I cried and I learned some stuff too! I love when that happens.

And then I drove home and rocked out to my favorite car song (of late). No pictures in this post, so enjoy a video. :)

Today I made Pumpkin Bread

2010-09-19T10:51:00.004-07:00

This is how it went.

Start putting sugar in bowl, spill sugar.
Put eggs in bowl to beat, drop entire egg shell in eggs.
Take out applesauce (to replace oil) notice mold on applesauce (really?! it's not that old!)
Open cupboard to take out oil, accidentally hit open bag of chocolate chips.
Spill half bag of chocolate chips on counter and floor.
Don't move bag of chocolate chips off of counter while picking up spilled chips.
Knock over bag and spill more chocolate chips.
Add oil to eggs and sugar, drop spoon in mixture.
Add pumpkin mixture and spill some.
Mix dry ingredients together (no spilling or dropping, miracle?)
Add dry ingredients to pumpkin mixture. Mix.
Turn to get water, drop spoon into pumpkin mixture.
Get new spoon add water, add rest of dry ingredients then more water.
Add chocolate chips & leave left overs on top of hot oven.
Spray loaf pan and muffin pan. Pour batter into loaf pan (success!!)
Use measuring cup to pour batter into muffin pan.
While trying to stop spoon from falling into batter drop measuring cup (handle first, of course) into batter. (Oh, and don't worry the spoon still fell into the batter)
Put muffin and bread pans in oven (thank goodness!)
Get tupperware to store leftover pumpkin, drop lid into left over batter.
Turn to wipe down stove, notice chocolate chips on top of very hot stove.
Pick up bag, look inside, notice 1/4 bag of melted chocolate chips.

All I have to say is, this bread better be DELICIOUS.

***Just went to check on bread, loaf pan slipped and was tilted to the side, almost spilling contents on bottom of oven.

Moving! Again!

2010-09-16T20:47:00.003-07:00

I'm aaaall about the change these days. Nothing hugely drastic this time but, a good change! I'm moving again! For a girl that hates moving I sure have done a lot of it in the last year! I really love having my own place but have not once felt at home here. I never finished unpacking and I never hung anything on my walls. No matter how hard I tried it has felt temporary. My former roommate Allison and I are in the same ward and a senior missionary couple that is serving in our ward told us that they are looking to rent out the other half of their duplex in October. It has 3 bedrooms and lots of storage and a 2 car garage. I quite like it and the price can't be beat! I'm excited to have so much space and to share it with just one person. Allison and I got along great when we lived together before and although we both feel ready to be out of the roommate situation we also both feel that this is the right move and that it will work out well. If I have to have a roommate Allison is a great one to have. Anyway, I plan to make this new place feel like home and actually have people over. :) I'll be moving sometime next month. The best part is that it's just around the corner! Nooow...who wants to help me move again? haha! ha! ha...ha. Yeah, don't worry I'm going to try to do this move as independently as possible (that's a note to my lovely friends that helped me last time.)

As a quick update I just want to say that I love my life right now. I'm busy, involved in my ward, loving (loving loving loving) my job, spending time with great friends and making new friends. I feel, once again, that I am exactly where I am supposed to be. Life isn't perfect but it is pretty great! I enjoyed my last job and am really grateful for the timing of it and all that I learned but I can't ignore the fact that when I imagined my life a year from when I started I felt dread at the thought of still working there. I don't feel that way here. I feel so fulfilled and have so much love for the people we support and I feel so passionate about helping. I don't want to jinx myself or anything, but I can see myself in this field for a long time to come. (cross your fingers that a month from now you won't see a blog about me changing my job...ugh) Anyway, that's my life in a nutshell!

Me.

2010-07-19T21:41:00.003-07:00

Sometimes I am crazy. I really am. I act a certain way and afterward I think "Who was that??" The people that are closest to me see it far more than they deserve and yet most of the time they ignore that it even happened and love me anyway. I was crazy this morning, to someone that I work with that doesn't know me at all. I felt crazy on the inside this afternoon when I expressed something that really may not make sense to other people but in me is a very real feeling. I didn't express it in a crazy way but I feel guilty that I feel this way. I had a fun night tonight and was very grateful to my dear friend for helping to make up for what I missed out on today by saving it for tonight. Unfortunately I was very much lost in my thoughts most of the night because of these two occurrences and many of my thoughts kept going back to the fact that we all have our "things". We all have our moments of crazy and although they are expressed in different ways they happen to everyone. I need to learn to love all of me, even my "quirks" (or "the crazy" as I've been calling it today). I need to be willing to love myself and see beyond my crazy like I do, willingly much of the time, for others.

Me:

-I don't handle sudden change well, but once I have had time to adjust I can usually go with most things.
-I have anxiety and just because I'm afraid to come home at night because I'm convinced my house will be covered in roaches when I get there or just because I have many other seemingly irrational fears that doesn't mean I am wrong to feel that way. Someone told me once that if it's important to me it is important to someone. I remind myself of that every time I say "It doesn't matter" or "it's not important".
-I am often hurt because I fear, or find, that people I care about deeply don't care about me as much, but I still go into most relationships willing to give my all.
-Sometimes I am hurt by people I love, but I still allow myself to love.
-Sometimes I am told that I care too much, but I still allow myself to care.
-I am high strung at times. I like a plan, I like to know what is coming and I like communication. These are all things that aren't always present in my life or job but even when it's difficult oftentimes not having those things also make my life and job more enjoyable. It may take me 15 minutes or an hour or more to adjust but I always try to find the good in the situation.
-I may worry that I'm not doing my best, and because of that I may follow rules to the "t" but those things make me feel secure in my job and in my life (but mostly in my job.)
-I care what people think about me and I hate it. (Still trying to find the good in that one)
-There are things about myself that I fear or am ashamed of and in some cases I have never said those things out loud to anyone.
-Sometimes I am a jealous person but 99% of the time I don't allow myself to act on those feelings.
-I crave quality time with my friends but I also like to be told that I am important to them. I wish I didn't care but I do.

I pretty much just put a lot of things I don't like about me out there, but it is good for me to lay things out and get to know me a little better. I want all (2) of you to know that I know I am sometimes overtaken by the crazy but that I'm also trying really hard to balance it with some goodness. I care about people. I care about organization and communication. I love even when I know I will probably end up hurt. I also see all of these things in my friends and family and believe I have learned much of it because of their examples. (The good stuff that is)

When the people I am closest to love me despite my weaknesses I am encouraged. This note from a friend on my facebook is what gave me the strength to write this post:

"you're normal...and when you do that...you remind us that superwoman is human too. thanks for being human."

I don't think of myself as "superwoman" but I am incredibly grateful to know there are people in my life that do.

On myyyy own...

2010-06-29T23:25:00.004-07:00

It's late so this is just going to be a picture heavy post (mostly for my family). I got the key to my apartment today and took a few pictures while I was there. Warning, it's not as ghetto as the pictures make it look. Yes the carpet in the living room is...well barely carpet and a little stained and yes the tiles in the bathtub are ancient and yes the kitchen is small but there are very lovely things about it and once I clean the carpets, scrub the kitchen & bathroom and move my stuff in I think it will be just right, if for no other reason than it is my apartment and I don't have to share it. The living and bedroom are both very big and the kitchen has a full size stove and refrigerator. More than I can say for all of the other apartments I could afford on my own. :) Enjoy the pictures and come visit so you can see that it really isn't so bad. :)

This is the fireplace in the living room!

The front door and a window that is in desperate need of curtains.

The teeny tiny kitchen. BUT it has a dishwasher and a window. I love having a window in the kitchen. It doesn't happen enough in apartments.

There are two closets this size in the hall and in the bedroom!

My very own bathroom. No more waiting in line to shower or wearing my hair up because I can't finish getting ready!
Part of my bedroom. (or just a picture of wall and carpet...) Obviously I got bored of pictures at this point. There is a window on the right wall and the left wall is all closet!

Blessings of Service

2010-06-15T20:30:00.002-07:00

I have the opportunity to give a talk in church this Sunday. As I try to figure out which direction to go with my talk I have read some incredible talks. One of which is called Service, a Divine Quality by Elder Carlos H Amado. To be honest I would like to just stand up there and read this talk because it gives me goosebumps. The talk is short but powerful. There is one section that I just keep reading again and again and I want to share it.

I know that the Savior came to this earth and lived a perfect life. He is our perfect example and I want, more than anything, to emulate His light. The Savior never stopped serving and I have made covenants to do the same. It is so easy for me to say I'm too tired or too busy or too overwhelmed and feel justified in going home to lay on the couch and watch So You Think You Can Dance instead of going to visit someone who has been on my mind or to invite that person over that I know might drain my energy but could use a friend. I get caught up in the "thick of thin things". I also know what it feels like to genuinely put my whole heart into loving and serving others and that feeling is one that is worth the effort. SYTYCD may make me happy for 2 hours but being a blessing in someones life brings joy. (To both people, I would know, I have the greatest people in my life that serve me endlessly. Although at times it is difficult to accept, I am always filled with joy.) (PS this doesn't mean I'm going to stop watching SYTYCD but it does mean I'm going to use my time wisely.) Ok, now the quote that I wanted to share. It's long but, in my opinion, worth reading.

"Blessings of Service

I testify that through serving our fellowmen we come to know the Lord.

Service makes us strong in our faith and useful in His kingdom. Service gives us purpose and courage in life. It brings us closer to God and helps us refine our divine nature. It teaches us to love and understand our fellowmen, and it helps us forget about our personal desires, eliminating selfishness, pride and ingratitude. It teaches us to think of the needs of others, which allows us to develop the virtues that the Savior possesses.

Kindness, love, patience, understanding and unity will increase as we serve, while intolerance, jealousy, envy, greed, and selfishness decrease or disappear. The more we give of ourselves, the more our capacity to serve, understand, and love will grow.

Those who serve will always seek to please God and live in harmony with Him. They will be full of peace; they will have a cheerful countenance and a spirit of kindness.

Those who serve will strive to ennoble, build, and lift their fellowmen; therefore, they will find the good in others, and they will not find reason or have time to become offended. They develop the virtue of praying for those who criticize. They don't expect recognition or reward. They possess the love of Christ.

Those who serve will always be willing to share what they possess and what they know at all times, in all places and with all people.

Those who serve even in adversity will maintain a living hope of a better future. They will continue to be firm in the midst of a crisis because their hope is in Christ.

Those who serve will accept their assignments with humility, recognizing their limitations but convinced that two people can do all things they propose to do as long as one of the two people is God.

With divine inspiration, King Benjamin declared, "When ye are in the service of your fellow beings ye are only in the service of your God" (Mosiah 2:17). Those who serve will have greater understanding of the personality and attributes of God.

Those who serve with devotion, even when things don't turn out the way they would like, are not easily discouraged, fatigued, or frustrated because the promise of peace of mind and the companionship of the Holy Spirit will never abandon them." -Elder Carlos H Amado

I know that what Elder Amado says is true. When I am lost in selfless service, no matter what comes my way, I am filled with hope, faith and a love for my Savior, my Father in Heaven and for His children. Service will heal anything that is broken because "through serving our fellowmen we come to know the Lord."

She has a name!

2010-05-17T20:25:00.004-07:00

I feel it is very important to name cars. I spend a lot of time in my car, especially now that I have a 35-40 min commute to and from work every day so why not name her, right?

The day I bought her I had several suggestions for names and one just stuck. I liked it immediately the first time I heard it and it continues to last. It is only right that my Gran named my car because my old car (Ruby) used to belong to Gran and I named that car. The other day when my Gran called she asked me how my car was doing and called it by the name that she suggested from the beginning and it just sounded right!

And so, dear blogosphere, her name is Blossom! It fits don't ya think?

Of course, when I hear blossom I think of a flower. A white cherry blossom to be exact. (that's where Gran got the idea)

But I think my lovely little Blossom will forever and always make me say "Whoa!!" and think of another Blossom.

In other news, life is great. I feel happy and I feel like I am just where I need to be right now. Not to say that life doesn't have it's challenges but I am able to see much more good than bad these days. I love waking up later. I love that I can have a whole day before I have to be to work (ok, maybe not a whole day but I get so much done that it feels like it.) I have only had one full day of real work but so far I really like it. I am blessed and I couldn't be more grateful.

2010-05-04T19:46:00.002-07:00

My pal Shandy shared this video with me and, I'll be honest, I wasn't expecting much since I'm not a huge fan of British TV shows or movies but it cracked me up and I felt it was only right to share.

I'm taking notes. I plan to react similarly when the day comes for me. :)

2010-04-30T21:17:00.003-07:00

I love how life is full of surprises. Pretty much all of the time I pray for things or for guidance and the answer isn't what I expected. You'd think I would have learned by now but I am being reminded, once again, that there is a great big plan that is always in the works and it is far better than anything I could ever come up with on my own.

Almost exactly a year ago I packed up my life, said goodbye to family and friends and drove across the country to start a new life. A month and a half later I was back in Utah with a great job, great apartment (after that period of homelessness), a great ward and a huge blank in any ideas that I had for my future. I thought I had my future figured out when I moved to Maryland but there was much more in store for me. Moving away from Utah and then coming back is probably one of the best things I ever could have done. Although moving across the country twice was expensive and draining emotionally I needed a clean start. I needed to leave behind all of the things that were holding me back and start again.

My new job gave me that, I met some amazing people, was able to learn some new skills, worked with a good friend from a former job and was able to get experience in the field that I went to school for, not to mention I got to plan parties for the company. It also gave me the confidence to work with co-workers and customers and to expand my communication skills. I expected to be at that job for a long time. I started trying to figure out what I was going to do with my life to continue growing. School made the most sense so I filled out financial aid paperwork and I started to pray about my options. For months I felt like it wasn't right. I didn't understand how going to school could be a bad thing but I just didn't feel it so I waited and kept praying about what was next. And then last week happened.

Chris told me about a job that he wanted me to apply for but had just been filled. I was disappointed but couldn't stop thinking about it, after further discussion I found that he couldn't either. We both kind of felt like things wouldn't work out with the person that was hired. Fast forward to Sunday night when Chris asked for my resume. The person that was hired didn't work out and they were doing more interviews. I got a call on Monday and had an interview on Tuesday. After the interview I didn't feel like it went well so I tried to get myself to stop thinking about it because I was POSITIVE that they didn't want me. I kept thinking about how much I wanted to be able to move to the city and have a new start but I also reminded myself that I have a great job and I work with great people and I can go to school and figure things out. By Thursday I had practically forgotten that the opportunity had existed at all until I got a phone call. I didn't answer because I had a feeling it was the person I interviewed with and I wanted him to just leave me a message telling me that I didn't get it. I'm all about avoidance. :) I was a bit shocked when the message said "Hey, give me a call..." By 10am I had accepted the job offer and by Thursday night everything was clicking.

I'm sure it has happened to everyone, that moment when you think about the previous weeks (or months or years) and the light bulb flicks on and it seems to make sense. It's known as an "Ah ha moment" for a good reason. I won't go into all of the things that now make sense for me but I will say that it makes sense and there is a plan.

So, in 2 weeks I will begin working near the city and in a few months after my housing contract is up I will be moving there. I am grateful it isn't happening all at once (Gradual change is better for me :) But more than anything I'm grateful that this is happening at all. I look forward to a job that will be a challenge for me and will hopefully help me to grow even more. I look forward to moving out of the county that has been my home for almost 9 years. I'm nervous about all of it but how will I ever grow if I don't do things that challenge me? I don't know what is in store for me in the coming months and years but I do know, without a doubt, that there is a plan for my life and it has been laid out by someone much more wise than I will ever be. My knowledge that I have a Heavenly Father that knows me, really really knows ME is growing more and more every day. It's true for everyone and that fills my heart with joy and gratitude. I have been given so much and I'm going to do everything in my power to make sure I am worthy of those blessings.

Today...

2010-04-15T13:25:00.002-07:00

I feel really grateful. It's been kind of an up and down week but I am coming out on top. A conversation I had last week kind of sent me into a tailspin of emotion and instead of hiding in my dark place and staying there I've fought to see the good in my life. It's something I should always do but I'm weak and I don't. Anyway, that's not the point. The point is that I'm grateful and I want the world to know it!

I bet you're dying to know what I'm grateful for...

*Prayer. I have felt the power of prayer so strongly this week. I've felt answers to my prayers come and I have felt strength from the prayers of the people that know that I'm a bit of a basket case this week.

*Beautiful spring days. Although I know that spring in Utah is crazy and all over the place I can't help but be filled with happiness about the sunshine and warmth. I don't have any windows in the front office where I work but it still feels lighter.

*The sun coming up when I leave for work at 6:35am. No more dark mornings for a few months! Hurrah!

*My sister. She's great, seriously. And her kids. Being at their house makes me happier than I can express. The good chats, and those cute smiles and little snuggles from Austin & Emily warm my heart.

*Lora, Rachel & Chris. This list could go on forever if I listed all of the friends that I am grateful for but this week I am especially grateful for these 3. (As I am pretty much always...) Lora helped to keep me distracted from my brain that wouldn't stop and also let me talk talk talk and cry as much as I needed. Not to mention the weekly lunches that are seriously as good as (if not better than) therapy. Rachel, who always knows when I need to hear from her, always listens, always makes me laugh and who understands the inner workings of my brain with little or no explanation. And Chris, who listens to me cry even when he has had a bad day too, makes time to hang out even when he isn't feeling especially social (I always leave feeling happier than I did when I got there, it's kind of a talent that he has), gives me fantastic advice, knows much of what I'm feeling just because he knows me that well (kind of scary), and makes me laugh on a very regular basis (Diddly Wack Mack Mormon Daddy?).

*Random chats on google, MSN & facebook with people that I love. The chats brighten my day and help me to miss my friends less. (Hi Corinnie, Ames & Jeanne! <3) style="font-style: italic;">not grateful that I miss them so much. :)

*Have I mentioned sunshine yet?

*Plans for a belated birthday dinner with my friend Andrea tonight.

*Having plans for the weekend with friends from my ward. Can you believe it?! Elf/Christmas in April party on Friday night and a New Moon party on Saturday (don't worry we will be watching the rifftrax version...muuuch better that way. I bet I won't even fall asleep)

*Cafe Rio & American Idol with my roommate.

*My home teachers. They're fantastic! I feel like they actually care about me and aren't just coming to fulfill a duty.

*Purpley blue shirts like the one I'm wearing today.

*Being able to see all of the good in my life even when I physically ache for something different. (I can probably count on one hand the number of times I have felt a physical ache because of a desire for more...it doesn't happen often but when it happened recently I was immediately able to see that my life is great right now too. Live in the moment& stop wishing for more Beth!!)

Ok I'll stop there ...I know this was probably one of those cheesy "did she really just do that?" kind of posts but...who am I trying to impress?!

Oh and here is a picture of one of my favorite little smiles.

Random thoughts...

2010-04-01T16:11:00.002-07:00

*I listen to Pandora once in awhile and I always love when I choose a station and it is perfect. It plays tons of music that I love. One of the main reasons I love it is because it makes me feel validated. I've been teased many times when making quizzes about how well people know me that it should actually be called "How well do you know Beth today". This has made me think that perhaps I don't know myself very well or perhaps I'm not very passionate about things. So, when I chose the Ingrid Michaelson station on Pandora and a bunch of artists that I love and listen to regularly were also on that station I felt like maybe I know one thing for sure about myself. I know the kind of music I like and Pandora is the validation I need that I do, in fact, have a style of music that I enjoy the best. Whew, that was harder to explain than I expected.

*This goes along with part of the last point that I made. A few months ago my lovely former roommate Kiely came to visit. We went to The Chocolate with Laura and then I drove Kiely home afterwards. We ended up talking in the car for a long time and we discussed many deep things which is what we tend to do when we are together. One of the things I told her was that I am afraid that I don't know myself very well. I feel like I've been in a fog for years so it makes me wonder if I've missed out on a large part of the growing up process. I'm not sure if that is necessarily the case but I've started paying closer attention to the things I do and do not like. Kiely and I also decided we would share things with each other when we figured something out that we knew for sure we liked or didn't like. Here are a few of mine: I like the color red, I like green bananas, I love rice, it is very important to me that my clothes smell fresh etc. Random? Yes, but they are things that I am sure about.

*We all have pet peeves, want to hear some of mine? I knew it. Gum chompers/snappers/poppers. I can't stand it. I think it's obnoxious and completely unnecessary. I'm sorry if you are one of them, don't worry I won't tell you if you are. I'm pretty good at ignoring it most of the time. Another is when someone asks me a question and then very clearly doesn't listen to the answer. I'm not talking about "What's up?" (which is another pet peeve) but something that very clearly is looking for a response. I hate when I'm half way through the answer and realize the person isn't listening. The best part is when you stop dead in the middle of the answer and never finish and they don't notice. I won't be offended if they don't ask the question so please don't do me any favors! (I only complain about this here because I know that the person that does this the most won't be reading this.)

*Another thing that I have been wanting to blog about for a long time is respect, specifically respect from guys. I have been thinking about this for months but it isn't enough alone so it is perfect for a random thoughts post. I have to say that in my life I have been surrounded by the most respectful guys. I've had some opportunities to watch guys that I am not friends with and see their actions and it has made me so grateful for the respect that I have received. Not only in the way I am spoken to but in the way I am treated. I know for a fact that if I was ever carrying a lot of stuff (or even a little) and one of my pals saw me they would help me carry it or at least open a door for me. I know that they would never speak of inappropriate things in my presence, not because they don't think I can handle it but because they respect me. I also know that they are that way with all women because they respect them and for that I am grateful. I'm grateful that my first experience (on a regular basis) with disrespectful guys is as an outsider watching it happen. I'm glad that I know that I can demand respect because there are people that will give it. That isn't the most complete thought but there it is!

*My elbow hurts. It has been hurting ever since my car accident but seriously, how did I hurt my elbow?! It wasn't that hard of an impact and the only thing I can think is that I held tight to the steering wheel and locked my arms when I was trying to stop when the girl hit me but I really don't see how my elbow could be hurting from it. I can still bend it but there are times when it hurts pretty bad (mostly when I'm sleeping). I'm sure it will go away, all of the other aches and pains I had have slowly gotten better. But c'mon, that's just random right?

Thanks for reading friends. I hadn't blogged in so long but I kept thinking of random things I wanted to express and this was the best way I could think to do it. :)

I bought a car!

2010-03-13T11:22:00.003-07:00

Isn't she cute?! I never thought I would own a white car but I love it.

This car has so many fancy little things, including built in bluetooth! I called my family immediately after buying the car and I'm already sold on the coolness of not having to hold a cell phone.

After a very long week or so I just bought a car! I didn't realize how difficult it would be to decide. I was so afraid that I would make the wrong choice but after I drove this lovely car on Thursday and then again on Friday and didn't feel like throwing up (for the first time in a week) I knew she was the one. It's a she. No name yet but I am taking suggestions! So far Pearl & Blossom are on the list (Thank you Sassy and Gran!).

I have been an emotional wreck this week because of this car junk. I like things to be planned and I like to know what is going to happen and this has been a week of what ifs. SO, to the incredible people in my life. THANK YOU! Thank you Allison, Ben, Chris and Sarah for car shopping with me. Thank you to Ben for not getting annoyed with me for my constant questions. Thank you to Carrie and Brian for the car suggestions (I bought the Versa because of Brian!) Thank you especially to Sarah, Chris, Sassy and my Mom for dealing with random phone calls at all hours asking for advice, crying or just plain whining. (And thank you for answering even though you knew that was what you would be dealing with) Oh and my boss has been amazing as well. She helped me understand insurance stuff, interest rates and made decisions for me when I didn't feel like it. (She's the one that decided that I would just let them total my car and not sell it to a guy at work. I'm so glad I did.)

Oh, and Carmax is awesome.

2010-03-03T09:43:00.004-07:00

I feel like blogging. And I think about it a lot. But nothing ever comes of it. Either the thoughts are too personal or too boring or too incomplete. So I just don't write.

What is on my mind right now? Shoes. My favorite shoes have so many holes in the bottom that when I stepped in the grass yesterday I felt dirt go into them and had to take them off to empty the dirt out. I'm kind of pathetic. I know I should stop wearing them but I love them and we all know how hard it is for me to find shoes that fit AND that I love. Someone want to submit my patheticness to "What Not To Wear" So that they can buy me lots of expensive things?

I know you're all dying to see the shoes. The shoes that have stolen my heart. So I'll share, because I'm kind like that.

I Like:

Tasha by Walking Cradles

Oh and don't forget about these. I want them in black and bronze because metallics are considered neutral (Guess who learned that on What Not To Wear).

I Like:

Dyan by Fitzwell

So, there you go. One thing that is on my mind that I actually feel like I want to share in a public place.

My birthday happens to be in a month and 2 days. I accept gifts (such as darling red shoes in size 13). (Ok if you know me at all you know that I don't actually mean that. I struggle when people give me gifts. It makes me uncomfortable because I feel like I won't show enough gratitude even when I really like the gift. I feel like I will never be able to repay them. And yet I sure love giving gifts. I'm such a hypocrite.)

Out of the haze

2010-01-17T21:26:00.002-07:00

For the past few weeks I have been feeling like I'm coming out of a haze that I have been lost in for a long time. As I shared some of the experiences leading up to this "escape" my lovely friend asked me what I was going to do to stay out of it. She asked what I could change to overcome the things that put me into the haze. I gave her a few answers but as I've thought about the question more and more I realized that I've already slipped back a little bit. I feel hopeful and ready for change so now is as good a time as any to figure it out, I'd say!

One thing that has been a great concern for me is that I feel like I'm never "in" the moment. I will be with friends or family, doing fun things and yet I'm not really there. My mind is somewhere else, usually thinking about when I can leave. Anxiety has paralyzed me for some time now and it is taking major training to not stay in that mindset. Even when I don't feel anxious I am thinking of how to leave, how to get out of something all together, or how to be invisible while I am there. I miss the desire to be with people and the ability to really connect with people. That is what makes me who I am, and that is why I feel so lost. I have met some great people in my ward. They are a group of girls who I, without a doubt, can see myself being close friends with and yet I hold back and really only care for them on a very surface level. It is so unlike me and it all has to do with avoiding "the moment".

If you want to know something about me that perhaps says a lot...or maybe very little, that something is that I.google.everything. Seriously. Everything. When I worked at PDC if anyone asked a question (about anything, not just work) I would tell them to google it and then, because I am insanely curious, I would google it too. Today I was thinking about living in the moment and I realized that I don't think I know how to anymore, so what did I do? I googled it. Yup, I typed "how to live in the moment" into google and much to my surprise I found an answer. A very thought out and organized answer on, believe it or not, wikiHow.com. Ready for this?

http://www.wikihow.com/Live-in-the-Moment

Check it out! As I read it the "how to's" seemed like they should be obvious but to me they were enlightening. I don't know what that says about me, nor do I want to. I just want to try to change my actions little by little.

I apologize if all this blog is anymore is a list of ways I am trying to figure things out but I really feel as though I have lost myself and that makes me sad. I want to find me again.

It's been a year?!

2009-12-31T08:41:00.003-07:00

Yeah, that's how I felt when I went back to read my first blog from this year. I can't believe I wrote that a year ago. I also can't believe how different my life is now and yet how similar...I have to say this has probably been the most eventful year of my life thus far. It has left me tired, overwhelmed, confused and really really grateful. I think it might take another year just to recover...

My year in review:

*In January, I decided to move back to Maryland.
*In March, I went to California for the first time since I was a wee little girl. While in California or driving back to UT I had a lot of firsts. Went to see my dad's grave for the first time, stayed in a $5/night hotel room in Primm, NV. Went to Vegas and walked the strip (and realized I hadn't been missing much...), oh and that was the longest roadtrip I had taken that I could remember. (I was too young to remember driving from CA to MD).
*In April I turned 26, I left my job of over 4 years, threw away or gave away most everything I had collected during my 8 years in Utah, packed up what was left, lived with Ben & Brenae for a few days, said goodbye to my family and the people that had become like family for me and drove across the country with Corinnie.
*In May I applied for over 50 jobs in MD and never even got an interview.
*By the end of May I had been offered a job in Utah that I never applied for and never even had to interview for and I decided to take it. I had 2 weeks to return to Utah. According to my Gran, I smiled for the first time in a month.
*June, I caravanned (is that a word?) across the country with my mom and Ames. One of the days I drove for 14 hours...that was a first.
*Also in June I started a new job and was officially homeless.
*Between June and July I lived with my sister, the Harlows, Ben & Brenae and then the Harlows again.
*In July, I bought a Queen size bed and felt very grown up about it.
*In July I also bought a plane ticket to Orlando to visit Rach.
*August I moved into my new apartment in Orem, and just like several people told me, it really is different than Provo and I rarely go to Provo. It's like another world.
*In August I bought a plane ticket on a Tuesday and flew home on a Wednesday to be with my entire family, who was all together for the first time in over 2 years.
*In October I went to Florida for the first time.
*In November I became an Auntie again!!
*And in December, I spent my first Christmas ever away from my mom. Until this year we've always been together on Christmas either in Utah or Maryland. It wasn't as awful as I thought but it also didn't feel like Christmas at all.

My only hope for 2010 (that I'm sharing in this very public place) is that I will somehow recover from everything that I experienced this year and that I will also remember that I know without a doubt that there is a purpose in all of it. It really wasn't a bad year it was just a very full year that left me feeling like I can do pretty much anything...oh I hope that I didn't just jinx myself by saying that.

Happy New Year everyone! I hope that 2010 is filled with growth and happiness for each of you!

Ask and ye shall receive...

2009-12-07T22:46:00.003-07:00

It's no real secret that I have felt quite distant from almost everything and everyone lately. I have been going through one of those phases where I just don't feel anything. Now and then I have felt a good strong connection with people but mostly there was nothing. I'm working on things and feeling better about life but still haven't completely figured out the whole feeling thing.

In the past I have prayed to be able to feel emotion. Usually when I do bad things start happening (almost every single time my car has broken down) and I feel overwhelmed and then shut down so I don't have to feel anymore. It's a happy little pattern I have going for myself.

After the First Presidency Christmas Devotional last night I told Chris that I wanted to feel the spirit of the season. He listened but didn't start telling me what to do to get it (like I wanted him to...). That left me to figure it out on my own which I'm so happy about. I figured it out...I prayed to be able to do what I needed to in order to feel the spirit of the season. (I know you're all thinking uhh...that was obvious Beth, don't worry I know.)

I didn't feel an instant change last night but today my heart has been full. I woke up at 5:30 this morning and felt happy as a clam (even though I woke up with a headache.) When I walked outside I was greeted by a beautiful winter wonderland. It continued to snow all day while I ran around preparing things for my work Christmas party. I'm stressed by it but I felt peaceful every time I saw the snow falling. I prepared some ornaments for our giving tree at work and felt so grateful to be able to indirectly help some people that really need it. And also really enjoyed having a little art project. I felt like one of Santa's elves.

After work I drove north a bit to hang out with Carrie and do some shopping. The drive was a bit slow but it gave me some good thinking time. I had a great weekend and I was able to really feel gratitude in my heart for my friends and family that I spent time with this weekend. I'm always grateful but it really filled me up this time, to the point of bursting. I had a great time with Carrie having dinner, shopping, talking lots and laughing until the point of tears (Watch TMNT Care...you'll see. :)

When I got home I put my favorite Christmas song on and felt an overwhelming amount of joy. I'm currently obsessed with the Jo Dee Messina version but this one is pretty fantastic too.

I have so much in my life to be grateful for and I hope with everything in me that I can continue to be reminded hour by hour how wonderful my life really is. All I can think is that I really want to help others feel as loved and appreciated as I feel right now. I feel like I'm being wrapped up in a big warm blanket and I think everyone deserves to feel that way. I know this probably all seems so simple but if any of you have felt that distance and darkness that depression can bring I think you can appreciate what I'm saying. Merry Christmas everyone!

"I'm grateful for Macaroni and Cheese."

2009-11-22T21:36:00.000-07:00

I have so much to be grateful for. I have a great family and amazing friends. I am a member of a church that makes me feel full and whole. I have a Savior who knows what I'm feeling and a Father in Heaven who knows me completely and loves me and shows me that by giving me so much. It has become so easy for me to forget all of the good things in my life as I have spent much of my time dwelling on the negative things. It is unlike me and has left me feeling like a different person. I'm aware of it though and I'm working on it. I was told recently that I've been running on empty. I gave everything that I had and hadn't been filled up in return. I learned that I was looking for that feeling of fullness in the wrong places. I was reminded that, although I have little energy to put into doing things for others, it needs to happen because for me helping people makes me happy. People in general make me happy and my avoidance of people has made me very very unhappy. And so I have embraced the mindset of "If it seems too hard, do it because it will only get harder if you don't".

I love this video you should watch it. What are you grateful for?

I'm grateful...
*to be an auntie because when nothing in this world can make me happy those two little people fill my heart with joy, simply by existing.
*for a family that loves me even if I don't deserve it.
*for a friendship that makes me feel whole and connected and accepted in moments when I can barely feel anything at all.
*for rekindled friendships and long lasting friendships.
*my new little "group" of friends at church and also for visiting teaching because if it weren't for that I'm pretty sure these friendships wouldn't have happened.
*when I walk outside early in the morning and all I can hear is the sound of cars on the freeway.
*for rice, and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches on white bread, and FlipSides crackers (brilliant invention).
*that my roommate leaves her hairdryer out everyday. I feel it gives me permission to use it and that makes me happy because mine sucks.
*covergirl foundation.
*the words of prophets.
*jeans.
*difficult times in life that make me a stronger, better and more empathetic person.
*that I was raised with SO much love in my life. It taught me not to hold back when I love people.
*Gilmore Girls episodes that bring me comfort and familiarity when all I need is 45 minutes of nothingness.

There is much more but those are a few things. I hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving and Christmas (I'll cover that now in case my lack of desire to blog continues.)

Baby Shower!

2009-10-08T16:56:00.004-07:00

Okay, this post is mostly for Carrie! Pictures from Lora's baby shower! Keep in mind that I ran out of time so there weren't any ballons or many decorations in the living room...but it worked. :)

It was a lot of fun and great to be with some wonderful friends celebrating our dear friend Lora! Enjoy!

The decorations & food

And the people!

Pity Party, Table for one.

2009-09-25T18:46:00.002-07:00

I just had a pity party. An all out, feel sorry for myself, lay on my bed and cry while listening to a playlist full of sad songs, pity party. I even posted a facebook status that gave my 385 friends too much information about my emotional state (and then quickly deleted it). And sometimes I think that's okay. I had a hard week. I'm tired all the time, whether I get enough sleep or not. I spend almost every minute that I'm not at work alone and after awhile that gets to a person. I spent yesterday eating toast and sleeping because I felt sick.

I keep a smile on my face most of the time but sometimes everything falls apart and luckily when that happened for me I was in a position that I could stop everything and feel sorry for myself.

It's okay to break down sometimes. It's okay to cry and throw a little pity party once in awhile, just as long as you get back up and return to normal life when you're done.

Now, please excuse me, I'm going to go back to normal life now.

Image: Carolita Johnson

I have this friend...

2009-09-05T07:51:00.002-07:00

Her name is Joan and she is incredibly talented. She's one of my dear EFY friends that I talked about in my last blog. She is one of my favorite people and I hope that someday this crazy life will give us the chance to live close by each other. (If you keep offering to let me live in your basement/spare room etc I might just show up someday...be careful. ;)

So back to Joan being incredibly talented. I have some buttons on the side of my blog that I wanted to bring to your attention. The first one is BitsyCreations. That is Joans business. She can pretty much do anything where creativity is concerned. Check it out! If I ever figure out how to block out the address and names on Lora's baby shower announcement I will post it here for you all to see. We told her what Lora wanted and in no time at all we had an email with the perfect invitation. Really, check it out. She does graphic design (need a new blog header?), Christmas cards (order them early so her life doesn't get insane!), baby announcements, wedding annoucements, birthday invitations...and the list goes on. www.bitsycreations.com

She is also doing a new blog with a friend called Gifted Giveaways. There is a button on the right for that too. You should check it out and become a follower! You can win stuff from really talented people!

I've always thought Joan was amazing but after working with her and seeing the invitations and baby announcement that she designed for Lora I realized I really needed to tell you guys about her and make you aware of the buttons. (Because if you're like me, you always ignore them...comes with ignoring advertisements on facebook I think.)

I hope everyone has a great holiday weekend! I need to go get to work on cleaning before the shower!

Bethie Crocker?

2009-09-03T20:02:00.004-07:00

So I've just been baking away this week. Brenae and I have throwing a baby shower for my dear friend Lora on Saturday and she requested cookies & cupcakes as the treats for her shower. How can I say no to that?! Thus the baking. Last night I went to my friend Carrie's house and we made funfetti cupcakes from scratch. It was a first for me, the from scratch and funfetti parts. We had some interesting results but all in all everything tastes really good (of course we had to test them!!) and they are happily living in my freezer until it is time to frost them on Saturday. I am having a blast hanging out with Carrie again and she is teaching me everything she knows.

For those of you that don't know, Carrie is a friend that I met at EFY when I was 14. We clicked (along with Joanie and Chelley) and became the best of friends. We've always kept in touch although better at some times then others but after I moved back to Utah this summer we committed to being better and hanging out often. We have been doing a very good job and I love it. I love Care, I love being with someone that has known me for such a long time and that I can be myself with, I love her cute girls and I love that we can talk for hours and get to know each other better as adults. Anyway, that was a tangent, but Carrie is amazing and I am so grateful to have that close friendship back and I wanted you all to know it! :)

Some pictures of the cupcake baking fun:

Carrie with one of the good cupcakes! (sorry for the eyes closed pic Care! The other one was really dark.)

I'm getting quite good at taking pictures while still getting both heads in them. And yes we are laughing, I'd explain but it probably wouldn't be funny anyone else and it would give away one of my greatest secrets. :)

Tonight I made cookies. I'm going to put some cookies in little chinese food containers (provided by Carrie along with all of the decorations THANK YOU CARE!!!!) so I made mini cookies. At first I was baffled as to how I would do it. I even googled "bite-sized cookie receipes". Nothing fit what I was looking for and then I realized that, doi, I could just make my favorite cookie recipes and make them smaller. I'm a thinker, I know. Anyway, the sweet little bite sized morsels make me want to cry. They're so cute. Why do mini things make me so happy!? I have never eaten a mini hamburger (or a slider I guess...) but I love to look at them. I used a melon baller to scoop the cookies. The chocolate peanut butter ones turned out perfect. They are the perfect size. The choc chip caramel ones are a little bigger then I was hoping but they still taste good and will fit into the containers fine. Tomorrow I will probably make one more batch of a different variety. I know what you all are thinking. "Uh, Beth, how many people are coming to this shower? You're going to have way too many cookies." Yeah..I know, but I want a variety and I work in an office with 60 men. The leftovers will be eaten, that isn't a concern. I'm babbling about nothing, the point of this post is the pictures. And here they are!

Caramel chocolate chip cookies. Yummy!

Chocolate Peanut Butter chip cookies. Aren't they cute?!?!

And sooo little! True love...that's what I feel for these cookies.

And the lovely machine that made the process so much easier. Thank you to my favorite neighbors for lending this beauty to me.

Happy in my ness.

2009-09-03T19:54:00.002-07:00

Life is good. Things are going really well, even so, sometimes after work a girl just needs a good laugh. So what is it that is doing that for me these days? This video:

I don't know if you guys saw the first episode of Glee on TV a few months ago, but I did, and I can't wait for the season to begin. It just feeds my love of musicals, while being short enough that I don't fall asleep half way through, and incorporating songs that I can sing right along with. I can't wait for the season premiere and a weekly dose of a TV musical. Until then, I'll keep watching the above Gold Digger video that I downloaded for free from iTunes last week. Hope you guys enjoy it too!

Two updates in one day?!

2009-08-23T20:24:00.005-07:00

This one will pretty much just be pictures for those that have asked to see what my new place looks like. These are only of my bedroom because I'm not thrilled with the way the front room looks at the moment. Oh and a huuuge thanks to Carrie for coming down with her trusty tiny hammer and level and helping me decorate! If it weren't for her I would probably still have empty walls. Also, huge thanks to Chris, Ben and Jerr for helping move all of my stuff in and for helping me figure out where to put my furniture.

My lovely new bed and wall art designed by Care. (Ignore the non matching comforter, I still haven't found "the one" yet.)

The lighting is weird in this one but it's my favorite part of my room. I finally bought my favorite picture of Christ.

I'm using my necklaces as decoration...smart eh?

I did this wall by myself...can't you tell?

My $25 desk & chair. True love.

Again with the lighting...my closet doors.

Inside my closet. It's huge.

The bottom of my closet with my great grandma's hope chest. I love it and wish it could fit somehwhere outside of the closet but I think it looks nice inside too.

My second favorite wall. Love everything about it. See the picture to the right of the mirror? That's the one I blogged about awhile ago called "I miss the idea of you..."

Give, serve & love...

2009-08-23T20:14:00.003-07:00

Lately I have had the thought "give, serve and love and ask for nothing in return" running through my mind often. This is something I have always worked to be and see myself fall short often because I don't want to be walked all over. I feel happier when I am giving, serving and loving and asking for nothing in return but how do I do that without becoming a doormat? Or is it all in my head that I'm becoming a doormat? If any of you out there have any thoughts on the matter I would love to hear them.

2009-08-16T21:56:00.003-07:00

You've all seen the photo & link on the side of my blog of my friends Lora & John, probably many times over the last year. Many prayers from many different people have gone out in hopes that they would be blessed with a sweet little baby and, as I mentioned in my last blog, they and the people that love them were reminded that there is a plan and in time things would work out. I'm so happy to say that their time came and they have a sweet little girl. I can't think of 2 people that deserve it more. I was able to go for a quick visit tonight to meet her and I fell in love immediately. She is tiny tiny tiny and absolutely gorgeous!! She is a little angel baby! Congratulations Lora & John! I love you guys!

Mommy & baby! Check out Lora's blog (they are listed in my links) for more pictures.

About time for an update...

2009-08-15T20:54:00.002-07:00

I guess the time has finally come. If by some crazy chance someone doesn't know already, I'm back in Utah. I've been back for 2 months and if possible the time went by quickly and slowly all at the same time.

The last 4 months are definitely completely different then anything I could have imagined but I really see that there is a plan for my life. I have my guesses on why things had to go this way (and by that I mean moving to MD just to move back to UT again). The first of which being that I really needed to start over. There were so many parts of my life in Utah that I knew could be good and it was hard for me to leave those but I had such hope for a life in Maryland. I loved feeling like I could really be a part of the singles ward in Baltimore. I loved being with my family. I loved gaining a closer relationship with my Gran and I loved being closer to some fantastic friends. I didn't love not having a job and I didn't love the humidity. I also didn't love being away from the people in Utah that I love.

The decision to move (both times) was made solely on the basis of answers to prayer. I felt that moving to MD was part of the plan for me and moving back also did. I don't know if this was how it was supposed to happen all along and I don't really need to know. I do know that I have felt Heavenly Fathers hand in my life regularly over the last two months. It certainly was not the easiest time in my life but if I look at my life now it all fits. I was "homeless" for almost 2 months but I learned to be humble and ask for help. I learned that people are kind and generous and I learned that I'm not the nuisance to them like I often think I am. People actually enjoyed having me in their homes...weird. I was also reminded of how to rely completely on my Father in Heaven for strength. I ended up in a ward that has many many similarities to my singles ward in Maryland. I have been introduced every week since moving in and not the kind where people say "This is Beth and she is new in the ward" but more like "This is Beth, I know she was introduced last week but I just learned this about her while we were talking." I've gotten much better at learning things about people and carrying on conversations that don't depend solely on them asking questions about my life. It's a good skill that I lost somehow over the last few years. (Maybe I didn't lose that skill but lost the confidence to use it...)

To finish off the babble I'll say that although I don't know what has really changed in me I see differences. I see myself having better relationships with my friends, trying harder to renew old friendships and I am feeling more deeply then I have in awhile. I go through phases where I kind of stop feeling. Usually because I ignore everything that seems too hard to face and then I forget how to feel. It's always a painful hike back into the world of the feeling but once I get there I'm so grateful for it. I feel deeply, I care about people deeply, I feel happier and stronger and closer to God and to the spirit and those are the things I have been searching for. Hopefully I can hold on and continue to grow. The rut I was in before leaving Utah is scary to think about and it's not a place I want to be again. So, off I go to find new opportunities and grand adventures to help others and better myself.

Hopefully I'm back to the blogging world. I'm going to make an attempt. Maybe if I don't get better I'll punish myself (and you!?) with another full month of blogging daily.

A random update

2009-08-07T09:12:00.002-07:00

So I haven't updated on life in awhile nor do I really feel like it. Which is a good thing because that means I'm busy. :) I am, however, at work right now and a little bored so why not fill out a good ol' survey? It has been a long while!

*FOODOLOGY*

What is your salad dressing of choice? That stuff that Lora always has...no idea what it's called or Ranch

What is your favorite sit-down restaurant? Probably Cheesecake Factory or Mimi's

What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick of? Rice!

What are your pizza toppings of choice? just plain old cheese please!

What do you like to put on your toast? peanut butter or a little bit of butter (only if the toast is hot enough to melt the butter all the way)

*TECHNOLOGY*

What is your wallpaper on your computer? At home: A picture of Brenae, Corinne, Amy, Lora & I the night before I left for MD. At work: My nephew "flossing his teeth".

How many televisions are in your house? 2, one in the living room and there is one in my roommates bedroom.

What color cell phone do you have? black with scratches...very sleek. :)

*BIOLOGY*

Are you right-handed or left-handed? right.

Have you ever had anything removed from your body? All of my baby teeth were pulled by a dentist (not all at once mind you)...that's kind of something right?

What is the last heavy item you lifted? A couch.

Have you ever been knocked unconscious? never knocked unconscious but I have passed out.

*BULLCRAPOLOGY* (really is that name necessary?)

If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die? Definitely not.

If you could change your name, what would you change it to? I don't know that I would change my name. Everyone I meet asks if my name is Bethany but I hate that name...so I wouldn't change it. So there.

Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1,000? I wish I could say I would but nope.

*DUMBOLOGY*

How many pairs of flip flops do you own? Oh my...it is far fewer then ever before but I'm not positive probably about 8.

Last time you had a run-in with the cops? When I was pulled over many years ago in Mt Pleasant. ilch.

What do you want to be when you grow up? Queen Latifah...ok I don't want to be her but I want to be like her in some ways. Career wise-a mom and if that doesn't happen then I have no idea, I'm working on it.

Last person you talked to? Cassie

Last person you hugged? Lora

*FAVORITOLOGY*

Season? Fall or Spring

Holiday? Christmas is my favorite but I also really love the 4th of July.

Day of the week? Friday, Saturday, Sunday

Month? Probably May, I love the weather in May.

*CURRENTOLOGY*

Missing someone? I miss my Gran! She sent me a card yesterday that made me miss her even more.

Mood? sleepy, hopeful

Listening to? Account Services chatting and the AC buzzing in the vent.

Watching? Nothing

Worrying about? Stuff

*RANDOMOLOGY*

First place you went this morning? Work

What can you not wait to do? Go to Orlando!!

What's the last movie you saw? The beginning of Sisterhood of the Traveling pants. Last full movie was a Lifetime Original movie...yeah I'm cool like that.

Do you smile often? I try to

*OTHER-OLOGY*
1. Do you always answer your phone?
Unless there is something preventing me from answering yes.

2. Its four in the morning and you get a text message, who is it?
I don't get a lot of text messages at 4 in the morning. Usually late night texts are from Chris or Rach.

3. If you could change your eye color what would it be?
Blue like Sarah's

4. What flavor do you add to your drink at Sonic?
If I add flavor usually cherry.

5. Do you own a digital camera?
Yup!

6. Have you ever had a pet fish?
I've had many, most memorable being Your Mom who lived in a blender.

7. Favorite Christmas song(s):
Have yourself a merry little Christmas.

8. What's on your wish list for your birthday?
I don't have a list. Just being with the people I love is perfect for me.

9. Does the future make you more nervous or excited?
a little nervous and a little excited depends on the day.

10. Do you have any saved texts?
Nope

11. Ever been in a car wreck?
Yes, someone hit me in the Costco parking lot.

12. Do you have an accent?
On occasion. :) Mostly when I choose to have an accent.

13. What is the last song to make you cry?
Better Than I

14.Plans tonight? I should probably work on unpacking but if something better comes up I'll totally go with that one. :)

15. Have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom?
I've had my moments.

16. Name 3 things you bought yesterday
postage, more postage and a frozen pizza.

17. Have you ever been given roses?
Yes I have and they were lovely.

18. Current worry? Rather not say

19. Current hate right now?
The printer at work :)

20. Met someone who changed your life?
Oh my goodness everyone I have met has changed my life in some way.

21. How will you bring in the New Year?
Wow that's a long way off. I usually don't even know until the day of and it's usually just games or watching movies.

22. What song represents you?
Hmm I don't really know.

23. Name three people who might complete this?
Pretty sure I'm alone in this one!

24. Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?
I can think of a few things that I would go back in time for but not much.

25. Have you ever dated someone longer than a year?
nope

26. Does anyone love you?
I do believe a number of people do.

27. Ever had someone sing to you?
Yep!

28. When did you last cry?
Last night.

29. Do you like to cuddle?
I would guess that I would.

30. Have you held hands with anyone today?
nope

31. Are most of the friends in your life new or old?
Old and quite wonderful

32. Do you like pulpy orange juice?
I don't like OJ at all.

Love this!

2009-07-24T10:17:00.004-07:00

I know I have been MIA for a long time annnd this isn't really going to be an informative post. I just came across this and fell in love. I will be buying at least one, probably the first one. Just had to share!

http://www.etsy.com/shop.php?user_id=6330457

This one is my favorite, titled, I miss the idea of you

Sincerely, You
Plant your own happiness

Another move.

2009-06-09T15:54:00.002-07:00

Sometimes life throws some interesting twists and turns into the mix and this is one of those times for me.

In January I felt SO strongly that it was time for a change and that I needed to move home. Part of me was thrilled because I really was in a rut and felt like I didn't fit where I was. I saved money, sorted through my things, got rid of half of my stuff and filled my days with family and friends. Even as I left, although sad, I felt again that I was doing the right thing.

I got to Maryland and felt out of sorts, all the while feeling like I had done the right thing. I have enjoyed time with my family and some friends, have had some time to relax which I found was needed and overall just felt safe. During all of these great things I still didn't feel like things were meshing. I wasn't able to find a job even with hours and hours of searching and applying. I was enjoying my ward but didn't feel settled and no matter how hard I prayed I couldn't figure out if I should stay in MD or if I should look for jobs in VA/DC or somewhere else.

Then everything changed. About a week and a half ago a friend called to tell me that there is a job available in her department at a great company and her boss wanted me to apply. The catch? It's in Utah...

I prayed hard and felt like I should just send my resume and see what would happen. I had been told that interviews would take place in a week. That afternoon my friends boss called and offered me the job. I took some time to make the decision and then accepted the job the next day. As sure as I felt that I needed to move to Maryland, I felt just as sure that I need to move back. I know that I'm doing what I am supposed to do but that doesn't take away personal doubts and the question of why it happened this way.

I also have a lot of fear, which never makes me happy. I've been afraid to tell people that I'm going back because it seems so foolish. It was a HUGE deal for me to leave my home of 8 years and now I'm just going back? I had a big going away party, many goodbyes and now I'm going back? Most of the people I said goodbye to probably wouldn't have noticed I was gone since we only hang out every couple of months anyway. I am being reminded constantly that I shouldn't worry about what other people will think and yet I can't get it out of my head. As more positive responses come it is becoming easier for me.

The other thing I am afraid of is the rut. I was so unhappy with my life and now I'm going back? I didn't feel like I fit where I was but I don't feel like I fit where I am either. I want to be somewhere that I really feel like I can be completely myself and also be around people that help me to want to be better. I refuse to move back to Provo. (I probably shouldn't say that...) I did my time and now I'm done. Orem still seems a little too close. Sandy is looking quite appealing although a bit far away, I'm not too concerned about it. I want this clean slate to be filled with new positive things.

I am so excited about my job and I am excited to be near a lot of the people that I love very much. I'm sad to leave most of my family and some wonderful friends behind but I feel such hope for this new adventure and plus, Maryland is home, I'll always come back.

There we have it, more big news from the life of Beth. If I cry wolf again and move somewhere else, don't worry, I won't post it here. I think I'll probably just leave in the night and not tell a soul.

2009-05-29T18:57:00.001-07:00

I'm not ready to go into detail yet but there are some changes happening that I never expected. I am listening to this song on repeat lately because this is the attitude I want to have.

I thought I did what's right
I thought I had the answer
I thought I chose the surest road
But that road brought me here
So I put up a fight
And told You how to help me
And just when I had given up
The truth is coming clear, for...

You know...Better Than I
You know...the way
I've let go...the need to know why
'Cause You know Better Than I

If this has been a test
I cannot see the reason
But maybe knowing, I don't know
Is part of getting thru
I try to do what's best
Find faith has made it easy
To see the best thing I can do
Is put my faith in You, for...

I saw one cloud, and thought it was the sky
I saw a bird and thought that I could follow
But it was You who tought them to fly
If I let You reach me...
Will You teach me? For...

You know...Better Than I
You know...the way
I've let go...the need to know why
I'll take what answers You supply
'Cause You know Better Than I

Re-living the good old days

2009-05-15T15:07:00.006-07:00

My last few days in Utah were amazing. They were the kind of days that fill a heart with joy. They are the days that made it very difficult to leave. I had some amazing times in Utah. I made wonderful friends, had many adventures, experienced some difficult things and to sum it up, I would say that I did much of my growing up in Utah.

He's cute, even at Walmart.

My last 4 days in Utah were spent at Ben & Brenae's house. I really couldn't have planned that better. I didn't love my living situation for the past 8 months and I found that whenever I went to Ben & Brenae's I felt completely at home and peaceful. I loved being there and I loved that they always welcomed me with open arms. Being the wonderful people that they are, they did that again when I had to move out of my apartment 4 days before I planned to leave Utah. I had so many great times in Utah and I didn't want the clouds of the last 8 months to cover that and leave me rushing to get away, staying at Ben's fixed that. I felt completely safe and at peace. I didn't feel like I had to be any special version of myself and I didn't feel like I was in the way or always doing the wrong thing as I often did in my own home. Staying there reminded me of my best years in Utah and, although I did have a harder time leaving, I was grateful for it.

Lora, how is this the only picture I have of the two of us from my last week?? We slacked on the picture taking...

Chris & I at Mimi's, it was only right to get a picture in front of the restaurant at which we at many a meal.

We went through a lot, and they were the best besties a girl could ask for.

Pretty much every moment not spent with my sister during my last week in Utah was spent with friends from the 136th ward. I was able to spend Friday night with Chris, having dinner and going for a drive. It was EXACTLY what I needed that night. Lucky Chris figured that out because I didn't know what I needed. I had a party and invited the people I am closest to and also invited people that I am no longer as close to but that I love and that touched my life and made a difference, enough of a difference that I needed to see them before I left.

Friends at my going away party

Going away party with the Karoly's. I took pictures with several other people but they all disappeared.

My last night with some favorites.

The day Corinne arrived, two days before I left, we were able to explore Raintree and reminisce about all of the fun (and drama) and felt like old ladies remembering "the good old days". That night we had dinner with the Mansfields, Ben, Brenae and Laura and then had an ice cream party with Marina & Desi. It was difficult to say goodbye to all of these people but I was strong, I only cried in my bed in the dark where no one would know. Tuesday night was perfect. Amy and Josh came from St George so that Ames & I could say goodbye and it filled me with joy. I was so sad to think I would have to leave without some Amy time and I'm really grateful that Josh made the decision that they needed come up for a few days. Lora, Amy & Josh all came over to Ben & Brenae's that night and we talked, looked at old (old old) pictures from "the good old days", laughed about how much we dressed up and ate microwave S'mores. It was a fabulous "last night" (especially after the complete breakdown I had when I had to say goodbye to my sister, bro-in-law and nephew...holy heartbreak.) After many photos, Lora & Amy left and Corinne & I stayed up and looked at more pictures with Ben & Brenae. I went to bed that night, sad to leave, but so happy to have been reminded of all of the good people and good things that made up my life in Utah.

Dinner with my Utah parents.

Hangin' with Marina & Desi.

The ladies + Han

Corinne always with the scandalousness. Love it. Missed it.

Driving out of Utah was difficult. I cried when we drove past my sisters exit and cried again when we had to stop at the bank on an exit that I spent a lot of time on, mostly with Chris or Allison. I felt so silly but I couldn't keep the tears in. I had a few difficult moments, usually when asked how I was feeling but mostly made the trip with a faith filled heart.

Corinne was a huge support. I'm so glad she made the trek with me, however boring at moments. She let me talk when I needed to and not talk (which ended up being a lot of the time, I was lost in my thoughts). And best of all we just listened to a whole lot of music and sang along, it's what we do best.

I'm here now and I'm adjusting. I have had some hard moments and hard days. I miss my life in Utah often. I miss my sister and Austin constantly. I miss my friends more then I thought was physically possible, and yet I can't ignore the constant feeling that I'm in the right place. I spend every day at home applying for jobs, spending time with my family or on lucky days, running errands and although that is hard and I miss being out and having my own life, enough money to go do things if I choose and friends that I know are right around the corner I can't ignore the constant feeling that I'm doing the right thing. I don't know what my purpose is here but I have faith that everything will work out. That's all I know.

Travel Journal

2009-05-07T18:17:00.004-07:00

Began: Utah
End: Maryland
Total Miles Traveled: 2262ish

Our travel journal as written on the back of a page of our directions.

311 Miles=2 potty stops + 1 can of Pringles.

Wyoming-What's the point??

336=1 potty stop + 1 Subway stop
Han, unimpressed by Nebraska

Black Hole found between Lincoln & Omaha

NE much pretteri (exactly as i wrote it on the paper) but what's with the "road construction"?
Nebraska has a biiig crush on PA! Hershey? York? Lancaster?

365 miles=1 potty stop+1 good sleep. Beth knows what love is, the shower she had last night & this morning.

Nebraska & Iowa, what's up with plus gas costing less then reg?

337 miles=3 stops
We like Illinois! No black hole, although we got lost for about 16 miles.
Peoria is cool to say AND reminded us of Boston.

307 miles=2 stops
More subway. No black hole thus far.

256 miles=slept
Ohio doesn't suck!!!

Holy Rain Batman!!
And what's with $12 for the turn pike?? Good thing PA is pretty.

There you have it ladies & gentlemen. The roadtrip in a nutshell. More to come don't you worry.

Favorite

2009-04-20T13:28:00.002-07:00

The song I'm currently listening to on repeat. I love Rascal Flatts.

Love Who You Love

The new me!

2009-04-18T18:31:00.003-07:00

I've joked a lot with my co-workers about becoming someone different before I move back to MD because when people don't know you you can be anyone! I wanted to get a drastic new haircut and start wearing jewelry. Not sure if the jewelry thing will happen but the (drastic for me) haircut did. I'm still getting used to seeing myself with, what I would consider, a stylish haircut so the jury is still out but I think I like it. Here are some pictures...that I took of myself, so I apologize for the weird faces and poor quality. (I got an A-line cut, thus the front and back photos) What do you think?
Oh and one random thing...I fell in love with two pieces of furniture. I didn't think that was possible but when I sold my bookshelf (the bookshelf that I searched endlessly for and finally found for a crazy expensive price but bought anyway...that bookshelf) I almost cried. Here is a picture of my bookshelf & DVD stand. Luckily I get to keep the DVD stand.

Things I want to do before I leave Provo...

2009-04-16T21:36:00.005-07:00

In no particular order.

-Eat at J-Dawgs. I never have and I feel a great desire to try the special sauce!!

-Have a spring cookout! It's tradition!

-Go to the zoo.

-Go stargazing in the canyon. It's still chilly in the evenings and this is a much better summer activity but I need one last good star gazing session before I leave!

-Go to Mimi's and eat corn chowder even though I'm allergic to corn.
-Go to the Tulip Festival at Thanksgiving Point. I've always wanted to go but couldn't justify the price. I still can't, but I might just go anyway.

Oh...and pack.

Things that make me laugh...

2009-04-14T19:07:00.002-07:00

Sometimes I just need to laugh, don't we all? I love youtube for this reason. I have a confession, I quite enjoy the freecreditreport.com commercials. They're catchy, they get stuck in my head and they make me think of my favorite work friend, Callie, who knows all of the words to one (all?) of them. My personal favorite is the pirate singing in the fish restaurant. If you hate it and don't want it stuck in your head, don't push play, this is my warning.

This video is from SNL. Chris showed it to me and, with my love of High School Musical, I couldn't help but love it. In case you haven't seen it, High School Musical 4.

Happy Tuesday everyone! I have 3 days of work left and more days then that left in Utah. I can't count how many because I don't want to know...

Oh and I'm going to start packing...right.

Happiness!

2009-04-09T13:56:00.002-07:00

Dear Travelocity,

Thank you for sending me an email today to inform me of $99 round trip fares from the state my sister lives in to the state that I am leaving her for. Leaving the sister & the nephew behind doesn't seem so painful when I only have to wait 117 days to see them again.

Sincerely,

Beth :) :) :)

2009-04-07T13:47:00.003-07:00

My emotions always surprise me. When I first decided to move all I could do was cry. I cried every time I told people for the first few days and cried every time I thought about it. Then I went through a dry spell. Maybe it stopped feeling real because the decision had been made but I had a long wait ahead of me before the move actually came.

As the time for me to leave comes closer I'm still not crazy emotional, but have moments of overwhelming sadness. Before you think to yourself "Beth is backing out", I must say that I feel such peace that my decision will not be changing. I'm just kind of amused by the things that have brought out this emotion. I would have expected the sad moments to come in quiet moments when I was alone and thinking too much. Not during normal, everyday activities. Sitting in a truck with my best friend, driving through NV in a silent, comfortable moment I felt that sadness. Running around my friends basement being rowdy & playing a made up game with my nephew, I felt sad again. Sitting at a Ryan Shupe concert last night listening to a VERY upbeat song I cried. These little moments are perfect examples of why leaving Utah will be so hard. Those moments aren't necessarily sad moments or anything spectacular, they're fairly common moments that make up my life. It's in those moments that I realize how much Utah has become my home. Some may be confused at the fear and sadness I feel about moving "home". To you I may be moving home but to me I'm leaving my home. I feel safe and happy in MD but Utah is my home and leaving will be much harder then I would have expected.

Random random thoughts...

The best.

2009-03-28T16:55:00.003-07:00

I've always known that I have been given the BEST people in my life. My family, my friends, people that come and go quickly. Each has been for a reason and that is something I have always been aware of. Perhaps that is why I cling to friends so tightly. This morning I was able to spend time with a group of girls that have become my sisters over the last 7ish years and I was reminded of that today. For awhile there we were attempting to have a book club. It never really worked out because we all liked chatting far too much to actually discuss a book (assuming anyone read it...). To solve this problem we decided to do activities together instead. This months activity worked out quite well because Rach & Ames were both in town. It was so fun to catch up with them but mostly I just loved having everyone together. I always feel like everything is complete when so many of us are together. Breakfast was wonderful with lots of laughing and talking and those valued "girl" moments where everyone gets all fired up over one of their girl friends being hurt by a guy or a friend.

I just have to say that I'm grateful for these friends because they are mature, strong and independent women (in all of the good ways) that have taught me many things and have helped me to realize what I want to be more of. They have been a shoulder for me in difficult times, have laughed hysterically with me at nothing, have swooned with me over silly moments and have become the kind of people that I really feel I can share my heart with. I've talked about many of these girls before but I can't let this day pass without expressing it again. I left feeling sad because it is the last time, in the foreseeable future that we will all be together and sad because I just didn't want to leave because I love that feeling. And of course feeling joy because, really how could you not? Here are some pictures of the lovely ladies. And, if I do say so myself everyone is looking incredibly hot in these photos. I love you girls and I'm so grateful that I was in the right place at the right time to build such beautiful friendships with such beautiful women. You truly inspire me.

Auntie x2!!

2009-03-19T13:55:00.003-07:00

I'm going to be an Auntie again! My cute sister is pregnant again and I'm so excited! Check out her latest blog for a cute video of her little monkey Austin and the cute picture she used to announce her pregnancy to the family. Congratulations Sare & Jerr!! I love you guys!

http://jerrandsare.blogspot.com

2009-03-18T20:21:00.004-07:00

Days that I don't have to work are seriously becoming the best days EVER. Yesterday I came home from work and was sooo grumpy. I don't know what my problem was because nothing really happened but I was grumpy. Then today! Today was beautiful! The weather was amazing I got a lot done in my bedroom and got to just chill in my room with the window wide open shredding paper for much of the morning.

My afternoon was spent playing at the playground with Sarah, Austin & Porter. The weather was again beautiful (if not a little warm after running around in the sun) and the company was fantastic. I loved watching the boys discover all of the fun things to do. Austin looked a little overwhelmed at first because there was just soo much to do but it ended up just being fantastic. I went to Sandy and had dinner with Chris after hanging with the fam during the day and again had a great time, laughed a lot, had good conversation and left just feeling plain old happy! All of these things are the reason I decided to give up the extra $100 and not work two extra days in April. My last day will be April 17th and I'm thrilled. That gives me 12 days to hang out with my family and with all of my wonderful friends. I have less then one month of work left and I couldn't be happier about it (except the whole not having an income and leaving some friends that I love a lot.) I'm grateful for my job and have learned SO much and have met some wonderful people but I feel so strongly that the time to move on really has come.

Enjoy some pictures from a day at the park!

Austin & Auntie Beth on the slide.

The boys on the spinning thing...
Austin looking SO proud of himself on the swing. He sat like that almost the entire time.

The monkey. He was hanging all by himself for quite awhile, then he just dropped to the ground. He's strong. His shirt has a monkey on it, I wish you could see it in this picture.
Porter & Aunt Beth in the SPACESHIP!!

Ohh and what is a day at the park with out a "perprise" (Surprise) trip to get ice cream!!

Those boys were soo happy. (And so were Sare and I.)And last but not least, the funniest thing ever. Mrs. Sarah (my sistah) tells Porter to touch the car while she puts Austin in his carseat. This is to prevent him from running into the street of course. So, I'm not sure how it started, but he puts both hands on the car, as seen below. I laugh every time because it just looks like he was pulled over by a cop. Ba haha! Gets me everytime, and now I have it for forever!

2009-03-08T20:45:00.002-07:00

A couple of weeks ago I was leaving the Draper Temple and decided to just drive around a little bit because I didn't want to go home right away. I ended up in a neighborhood that I spent a lot of time in about a year ago. As I drove past I felt a flood of happy feelings which I think came from all of the memories. There was nothing spectacular about the area or the things I did there but I had some wonderful quality time with friends there, felt really happy during that time in my life and felt a closeness with people that I long for. As I thought about it I became very sad because things have changed so much since then, but also grateful because any experiences that can bring an immediate warmth to my heart were worth every ounce of sadness that I feel when I miss those times. When I think about that time last year I realize that in almost every way, I feel like I'm still there, the only problem is that everything else has changed. My heart has stayed in that place. In my mind the friendships I had at that time are the same now as they were then. But after several weeks of thinking I realize that everyone has moved on. Sure, I'm still friends with the most important of those friends but it is different and I don't think I have allowed myself to believe that. As I prepare to leave my home of almost 8 years I can't help but reflect on what has gotten me to this point. The way my life is currently isn't ideal, in my opinion. And I keep thinking that once I leave it will be better. Or that because I am leaving my friendships will grow stronger for this last month and a half that I have here. Sadly this is what is making me realize that everyone has moved forward while I stayed comfortably in place. It's not a good realization to have and it makes me wonder who this person is that I have become. Sometimes I feel like I'm standing outside of myself, watching the way I'm acting and I just shake my head. If anyone else were to be doing the things I am doing I would think they were weak. And yet I continue. And I am weak, because I don't have the strength to change it. This is where things get difficult. If things are this way now, they are only going to be the same or worse once I leave. I think I have a lot of free time now? My free time is going to triple if I don't have a job. And what will I spend that time doing? Wishing I were somewhere else? Wishing things were different? Wishing I were different? What good do any of those wishes do me if I'm not doing something about it. This is such an incomplete jumble of thoughts but I needed an outlet and I guess this is it. My life is changing, whether I like it or not.

I'm in a rut...

2009-03-03T21:32:00.002-07:00

I just went to the grocery store and walked around for 30 minutes trying to find food that sounded good and was healthy that I can eat for lunch and I left with english muffins, for my breakfast. I am in a food rut! I go through phases where food just stops sounding good to me and I'm in a huge one right now. I can usually figure SOMETHING out for dinner and then I eat it everyday for a week. Breakfast is easy, I eat egg whites on an english muffin every day and have been since October. But lunch. Lunch is my trial. I don't love sandwiches, especially if they are cold and made with cheap nasty tasting lunch meat (which is all I can afford when I'm trying to save money to move across the country). I just don't know what to eat!! I need help! Anyone have any suggestions? Recipes? Anything? I'm begging here people. I need healthy lunch ideas. Oh, and don't suggest soup. I have issues with soup unless it is homemade. I am not a fan of the amount of sodium found in all canned soups (even the low sodium ones).

PS I have a Redbox rant boiling inside of me but I'm refraining because I have already ranted once before, but just so you know, I waited in line for 10 minutes tonight to get a movie that I reserved online. 10 minutes may not seem so bad but when you are the 2nd person in line it is that bad. That couple got nasty redbox vibes from me. Worst part? The movie wasn't there. It was in the other Redbox that wasn't working. The only good thing that came out of it is that I got 2 free Redbox codes when I called to get a refund. You may think that is a rant, but if you could hear what I was really thinking you'd know this is nothin'.

David after the dentist.

2009-02-22T21:16:00.004-07:00

I saw this on a blog a few weeks ago and ever since it has been popping up all over the place. It's hilarious! If you haven't seen it you should definitely watch it. I feel bad for the kid but it's just so darn funny!

"Is this real life?"

2009-02-16T14:43:00.006-07:00

I bet you're all wondering how this girl, this girl who LOVES Valentines day, spent Feb 14, 2009. Well, I'll show you. Better yet I'll show you my weekend in pictures & clip art. It'll be fun. :)

I spent the entire weekend looking like this...except I was laying down more often then sitting up.

I ate a lot of this..

And even more of these...

I used an entire box of these...And I watched the whole 4th season of this...
Yeah, I had the flu. It was amazing. I say had because, although I still feel quite awful, I feel 100 times better now then I did on Friday Saturday & Sunday. I have to say that even though I spent Valentine's Day in bed it was still a good day/weekend. My family called to check on me many times. My sister brought me soup & otter pops (which I fully believe brought my voice back, thanks Sare!) I got to talk to Chris a lot which was nice to get my mind off of the whole feeling like I'm dying thing and the brightest part of my Valentine's Day (can it get any brighter you ask!?)

Ah, roses! My friend Daniel brought me roses! Thank you so much Daniel. Although it probably didn't show through the hacking and glazed stare they made my day and continue to every time I look at them. I have to say, flowers can make any day better. I have gotten flowers when I was sick, now for Valentine's Day, for my birthday and once, on a random day, just to thank me for being a friend (now that'll make a girl cry). Without fail, every time they make me feel special. I think it's because it is really nice to know that someone thought of me, cares about me and wanted me to know it. Anyway, those pink roses made my hacking/nose blowing/ibuprofen popping Valentine's Day feel exactly like what Valentine's Day is to me.

My life lately

2009-02-08T22:02:00.003-07:00

Well, I'm still moving back east. Two weeks and that hasn't changed so I think it is set in stone now. :) Actually my plans are really coming together and I feel really good about my decision. I still have my moments of sadness when I think of leaving people that I love so much and I still have moments of fear but nothing that I can't handle. My plans to drive across the country are pretty set now. The date we are leaving is the only thing we haven't decided yet but I know which week and have it narrowed down to two days. The best part is I know who the other half of my "we" is! It's Corinnie! It just makes so much sense. We wanted to go on another trip this year but didn't think it would happen. We had a blast in Boston and know that we can spend many days together and like each other even more afterward. And on top of it all I think it's just going to be really good for me to leave Utah in Utah. As much as I wanted Chris or Allison to drive with me because I wanted to hang out with them for a few extra days, I think it will be good for me, very symbolic. And Corinne totally gets me. She offered to drive out of Utah for me if I'm too busy crying to do it myself but also totally gets that I may need to do it myself. We are a bunch of crazies but that's why she is one of my best friends. We completely get each other. So there it is. I leave the last week in April and I'm driving with Corinne and we are going to Nauvoo on our way back east. All amazing things!

Besides east coast plans I have just been living life as usual. I've played with Sarah & Austin some which is always a blast. Here are a few pictures, the first ones are of Austin playing with my cell phone. Whenever I walk in the door now the first thing he does is grab my purse. He knows that is where the electronics are. He also knows that the headphones fit in the cell phone and if Auntie Beth is feeling especially nice, there will be music coming out of those headphones. Oh and check out the adorable shirt he is wearing. I bought it from my friend Joanie. Check out her website! http://www.bitsycreations.com/ She is amazing!!

The second set of pictures are of Sarah and I after getting our hair did. We look a little like twins, but we're okay with that. It just means we both have fantastic taste. Sarah hadn't gotten her haircut since a month or so after Austin was born (September 2007) so this was a huge change for her. She looks amazing!

Pictures!!

2009-02-08T21:22:00.004-07:00

Okay, I promised pictures a long time ago, so for all of you that have been holding your breath in anticipation, the time has come.

Visiting with my Joanie and her amazing family...this was the best of the bunch and Joshua took a lot. We're not especially photogenic.

Sleepover with Corinnie. We made cookies and peanut butter sundaes. We were sick by the end of the night but we sure had a blast!! Oh and we took these pictures of ourselves, we're getting really good at that.
Bonding time with the former Bishop girls and Laur.

Oh, and we can't forget the ever enjoyable cousin day. I love hanging out with these two.Once my mom and I got to Utah it was family time with the Webb's, which I absolutely loved. A picture of the center of our world. (I let him do whatever he wants, including playing with my brand new cell phone don't worry he's gentle.)

Our wonderful little family in front of the Salt Lake te

Hey Valentine!

2009-02-03T11:57:00.002-07:00

Okay, so I love Valentine's Day. I love it a lot. We all know that I'm addicted to chick flicks & cheesy love songs so why wouldn't I love this holiday?! Today I read my friend Shauna's blog and I just had to link to it. She described my feelings to the T. How do you feel about Valentine's Day? Do you have any special traditions?

http://nielegirl.blogspot.com/

I'm shocked...how about you?

2009-01-26T11:33:00.004-07:00

I'm moving. It's still quite new (like I just decided on Friday kind of new). As many of you know or have figured by reading my blog, life in Utah isn't really going anywhere for me. I have a lot of people that I love very much around me but for the most part spend every night at my apartment, in my bedroom. I enjoy my job and the people I work with but I don't want to be here forever and I have been feeling like it was time for a change. I love Utah and I love the life I have had here and truly think of it as home. But, for the last few weeks I have been anxious for change and after a lot of prayer, a lot of crying and a Friday night visit to the temple I have decided to move back east. I want to end up in the Northern VA/DC area but I may have to spend some time at home if I don't find a job right away. So, there are the facts.

Here come the emotions. I'm scared. I never thought I would be scared to move home, but I am scared to death. I'm afraid that I won't be able to find a job, I'm afraid that I don't have enough education to make it in a city like DC. But fear isn't going to make this decision for me. I feel very strongly that this is what I'm supposed to do and so I'm going to do it. On top of fear I am just so sad. I'm sad to leave this place that has become my home. I have made a life for myself here, I have been given some wonderful people that have become my family that I ache inside to think of leaving. I'm leaving my sister and Jerr & Austin behind which is going to be the hardest part. In fact I cry every time I think about it...so onward. I'm excited to be closer to most of my family and to some fabulous friends like old roommate Lori, favorite travel buddy Corinnie (oh the trips we will take...), growing up best friend Joanie and her family, my dear friend Laura Marie and many others.

I won't be moving until April, which seems like forever and yet it's really not that far away. So there is my news. If you read this and I know you that means I want to see you before I leave. As silly as it sounds to say that now I know that with some of us we have to work really hard to make it happen so, starting now lets make that happen.

Thanks to everyone in Utah that has helped to make it home for me and to everyone on the east coast, I can't wait to be closer to you!

It's that time again!

2009-01-12T22:14:00.004-07:00

Little known facts about Beth!! Hoorah! Okay, so I feel like I'm neglecting my blog but don't have the energy to write anything of worth so for now I give you the first little known facts about Beth of the year. Enjoy...or stop reading, it's your choice.

*Up until last week I only liked hot chocolate from Starbucks or from Marina (she makes it just like Starbucks.) I realized last week that the reason I never liked hot chocolate when I made it was because I didn't put enough powder. The powder to water ratio is a tricky thing and mine was sorely lacking! My friend Ben made me some last week and it tasted perfect and in that first sip it all came together. Now I've had 3 cups of hot chocolate this week and for me that is huge.

*My scalp is fickle and dry. After trying every single shampoo that is sold in grocery stores I found that, just like me, my hair & scalp have expensive taste. I have resigned myself to spending $30 every few months on shampoo & conditioner. This past weekend I bought a scalp treatment and shampoo. I'm trying a new fancy shampoo (Biolage like they use at the salons) and I'm in love with it. I don't know what it will do for my hair or scalp but I do know that I can't stop sniffing my hair.

*I don't know if this is just me but I run out of all of my necessity's at the same time, no matter when I bought them. In the last week I have purchased face wash, foundation, eye shadow, toothpaste, shampoo and am about to run out of computer ink. All of those things, my friends, adds up to a pretty penny.

*I decided that my slogan for 2009 is going to be Shine in 2009. Thank you all for your ideas! They were great!

*I am watching the Gilmore Girls series again in my spare time and, although this won't prevent me from continuing, I have found that my memorization is getting a little sad. Not only do I know what people are going to say but I know the exact tone in which they will say it.

*I joined 24 Hour Fitness tonight because I really wanted to go to a gym that is closer to my house so I can work out in the morning and shower at home. A person can only feel so clean when they shower while wearing flip flops. I went and worked out tonight and although I miss the familiar faces at the Rec Center and although there are parts of 24 Hour that are quite intimidating I think I'm going to like it. If nothing else I know I'll go because I am actually paying for it and I don't want to waste my money.

*I may be 25 years old, and I may declare that often as proof that I am grown up and old enough to handle life on my own but no matter what happens I now know that I will always need my mommy. I learned that while I was visiting my family and while my mom was here and I'm perfectly okay with it too.

*I really like to listen to music that most people are completely sick of because it was played so much on the radio. There are certain songs that I don't think I will ever get sick of because they bring back memories of happy times. Some of these songs include Hey There Delilah, Realize, Tell Him, Put Your Records On, Never Saw Blue Like That and many more. I have listened to Never Saw Blue Like That at least once a week since I was 16 years old. Yeah, I'm a cheeseball. Don't judge me.

Here is a fun picture from when I was at home. Goodness I love Jeffer! My next post will be filled with pictures from home, don't you worry.

Old Year New Year...

2009-01-02T17:49:00.003-07:00

Here is the obligatory end of the year beginning of the year post all wrapped in one. I'm running a little behind on all of this because my mom is here and right now being with my mom, sister, brother-in-law and nephew is pretty much the only thing I want to do. But here I sit, waiting to hear from a friend about plans for tonight.

2008 was a great year. I learned a lot about myself and about where I want my life to go and how to get it there. I learned self control in many aspects of life. I went on a dream trip to Boston and it more then lived up to my expectations. I said goodbye to some wonderful people and was surprised by the emptiness I felt from saying those goodbye's and was left (this part isn't over yet) to figure out what I need to change in my life to fill that emptiness with good things. I spent time with family and friends. Grew closer to some friends and felt distant from others. I started the process of learning how to play the piano. I lost 35lbs (yeah that's right I said it.) I made new friends at work over a range of ages. I began the process of learning how to be more gentle with myself. And so much more...

I have high hopes for 2009. I want a lot of positive changes to come and I feel like I am ready for it. Sometimes I laugh when people make such a big deal about a new year and all of the changes that they want to make. I always say that I am constantly trying to change things and improve, and while that is sort of true I am grateful for this new year. I think I understand what everyone means by getting a fresh start. I want a fresh start. There are several aspects of my life where I am ready for a change and I want that to happen or begin happening, this year. Last year was a great year. I feel like I really grew and changed more this year then I have in quite awhile and that gives me hope for 2009 as well. I now know that I'm strong enough to take control of my life and I plan to keep on that path.

Some things I want to do this year:
-Live alone...far fetched but I will do everything I can to make it happen.
-Work hard at my WW goals and along with that work on my confidence
-Begin figuring out what I really want to do for the rest of my life (because editing the phonebook isn't it) and make steps to make that happen.
-Take better care of myself emotionally. I tend to put others before myself quite often (yes I know that sounds conceited but I feel it has gotten me where I am now and I'm not okay with all aspects of where I am now.) and I really want to figure out a balance. I still want to be me. I still want to care about people but I don't want to care so much that when that love isn't acknowledged or appreciated I am left with an aching heart and a mind that won't stop trying to figure out what I need to do to make that person care about me as much as I care about them. In addition to that, I need to figure out how to be able to talk about how I'm feeling. I have pretty much stopped doing that over the last few months and although my friends are probably grateful it is causing me a lot of pain. I have to figure out where I really can turn to be able to get these emotions and thoughts out in a safe place. Whether it be on my knees in my room, or to a friend or family member or a combination of all of them, it needs to happen.
-Really figure out Scentsy and how to boost my business while enjoying what I do and meeting new people.
-Save more money.

There is obviously much more, most of which are a bit more personal. But there you have it. My hopes for 2009. Now, an assignment for you. My roommates and I used to come up with a goofy slogan for a new year (usually something ridiculous like "Find a mate in 2008"). I want a slogan for this year. It doesn't have to be goofy, but it can be. Any suggestions?

Oh and there are pictures to come from my adventures of late but my camera cord is at my sisters.

Best Christmas Ever

2008-12-26T06:59:00.002-07:00

Yes, this has been the best Christmas/Christmas break ever. I was able to do everything I wanted to do and even stay at home longer and actually spend Christmas with my family instead of on an airplane! As I walked through the airport yesterday and heard Christmas music playing from the different restaurants my heart literally hurt to think of leaving. When I heard that they were looking for volunteers to leave on the 26th I practically ran up to the desk. When they told me they wouldn't need me to stay and said I had to get on the plane I sobbed. When they apologized for making a mistake and told me they would, in fact, need me to fly out the next day I practically ran back up the ramp to the desk. When they gave me a $400 airline voucher to fly anywhere anytime I want in the next year I officially knew that I am blessed.

I really didn't think it would be hard for me to leave on Christmas. Our big family thing is a few days before Christmas but then I realized I LOVE the low key, hang outey Christmas day at my Aunt & Uncle's house. Saying goodbye to everyone was very difficult. But surprising them when I came back was even better! There were wonderful reactions all around and lots of smiles. Which reminded me, once again, why I love my family so much. I love being somewhere that I feel like I am enough. Where I don't worry that people are going to get angry at me for nothing or judge me because I'm not just like them. I felt complete joy the entire time I was there last night. I loved talking with my cousin Tommy. I've always loved talking to him but he is so grown up now and we have really wonderful conversations! He is a really great kid. I loved hanging out with Jason too, oh ticklish Jason. They are both such kind and loving people and I really enjoy being with them.

As I was leaving last night I gave my Uncle a hug and he said, "See, this is why you go to church! Things like this happen." I couldn't agree more. My prayers were answered yesterday and I had my own little Christmas miracle. Seriously, best Christmas ever.

My whole trip has been fabulous. I had a great time with Jen, Heather & Laura. I loved being in the temple with them and then seeing another friends mom, who we haven't seen in many years, as we walked into the dressing room. Before I even connected in my mind who I was seeing I was completely filled with warmth. When my eyes caught up with my spirit I understood why. It felt wonderful to see sweet Sister Chon in such a special place and while I was with 3 other girls that I grew up with. At that moment I felt like I was exactly in the right place.

I even travelled a little bit! I went to visit my Joanie & her family the day after I got here and it was just as I hoped. I loved talking with Joanie and Joshua, cuddling with her cute cute little boy and receiving shy smiles from her cute cute little girl from across the room. It is always fun to see what your friends are like as parents and Joanie is definitely one of the best. Her kiddos are smart, social, funny and very very loved. They are a great family, thanks for letting me spend a few hours with you! I love you all!
The next day I had a sleepover in PA with my bestie Corinnie! Oh man! I wish we lived closer. I loved just hanging out, making cookies, watching movies & looking at old pictures. I felt completely comfortable in her home. I love that she is married to John, not only because he's a fantastic guy for her but because I knew him during my teenage years and it is always really fun to see him and to feel comfortable because I don't worry if he'll like me or not. I haven't laughed that hard in a long time (oh those pictures corinnie...) and was desperately sad to leave. I wish I could have stayed a few more days.

There is more to come, a few pictures, a few videos and maybe more cheesey cheese about the best Christmas ever. I'm blessed, and now I feel ready to go back to my family in Utah, all of them. Sare, Jerr & Austin, who I really do miss a lot. Especially my sister who allowed me to whine to her and call her often while I have been home because it has been a bit emotionally confusing for me. And back to my friends who are my family that I missed, even after just a few days.

Hummph

2008-12-13T13:11:00.002-07:00

Have you ever felt like your radio was mocking you?! Mine does that every now and then. It's like it reads my mind and then plays songs that fit perfectly but that make you think about things you are trying to avoid. At least I got a laugh out of it this time. Silly radio.

She

2008-12-09T22:59:00.003-07:00

One time...just ONE TIME. I would like to hear a positive comment when "they" are talking about "she" (that's my new name...). And I would really love to be able to go places that should be safe places without worrying that I'm going to hear something negative being said about me. A person can only stay in their bedroom under the covers for so long.

Sorry, this just hasn't been my day and a girl just needs to vent sometimes.

I wore a coat today.

2008-12-08T22:27:00.003-07:00

Just thought you all should know that it finally felt cold enough for a coat today. Actually it was downright freezing today, but it sure did make me happy. Someone (ehem Sassy...) mentioned my lack of blogging since the month long blog-a-thon and so I decided to bless your lives with yet another....

Little known facts about BETH: Christmas Edition!

I know, I know you've been dying to hear more. So here it is...

-I am discovering that I have a mild obsession with the song "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas". I have many different versions and I love to listen to it over and over. Of the Christmas songs that focus more on the traditions of the season it is definitely my favorite.

-If I am driving when it starts to snow I always go and sit in my car by the temple and watch the snow fall in front of the temple before I go home. It became a personal tradition without really thinking about it.

-I love coming up with gifts for the people I love. It becomes a challenge to myself. I am always trying to come up with the perfect gift for that person. I think I am always more excited about the gift then the person receiving it is. This year I am spending less money and it has been fun for me to come up with meaningful gifts that don't cost a lot. When I look at the gifts I have purchased so far I can say, without a doubt, that I purchased each one after much thought and although inexpensive or simple I purchased it with that person in mind specifically.

-I hate wrapping Christmas presents. I always want them to be beautiful and they never are. That frustrates me.

-Although ridiculously expensive, I love Hallmark cards with sound and I feel they are worth every penny. I've seen two that I absolutely fell in love with, one I already bought for someone so I won't describe it, but the other has Linus on the front and when you open it you hear Linus explaining what Christmas really is all about. I love it.

-I really really love James Taylor's Christmas album and I am not ashamed in the least.

-Up until tonight I have slept with my window open every night. It's finally too cold for that. Although I will miss that glorious moment that I have had so many years in the past when I wake up and know it snowed because my window is open and I can smell the freshness. Call me crazy but I love that feeling.

-I prefer soft lighting. This is the case year round but comes out in force around Christmas. I would rather turn on a few small lamps then use a harsh overhead light. Perhaps this explains my obsession with lamps...and it all comes together.

-I almost bought one of those DVD's of a crackling fireplace tonight. I still might go back and get it...how relaxing would that be. Fireplace won't work? Next best thing...