Love this!

I know I have been MIA for a long time annnd this isn't really going to be an informative post. I just came across this and fell in love. I will be buying at least one, probably the first one. Just had to share!

http://www.etsy.com/shop.php?user_id=6330457

This one is my favorite, titled, I miss the idea of you

Sincerely, You
Plant your own happiness

Another move.

Sometimes life throws some interesting twists and turns into the mix and this is one of those times for me.

In January I felt SO strongly that it was time for a change and that I needed to move home. Part of me was thrilled because I really was in a rut and felt like I didn't fit where I was. I saved money, sorted through my things, got rid of half of my stuff and filled my days with family and friends. Even as I left, although sad, I felt again that I was doing the right thing.

I got to Maryland and felt out of sorts, all the while feeling like I had done the right thing. I have enjoyed time with my family and some friends, have had some time to relax which I found was needed and overall just felt safe. During all of these great things I still didn't feel like things were meshing. I wasn't able to find a job even with hours and hours of searching and applying. I was enjoying my ward but didn't feel settled and no matter how hard I prayed I couldn't figure out if I should stay in MD or if I should look for jobs in VA/DC or somewhere else.

Then everything changed. About a week and a half ago a friend called to tell me that there is a job available in her department at a great company and her boss wanted me to apply. The catch? It's in Utah...

I prayed hard and felt like I should just send my resume and see what would happen. I had been told that interviews would take place in a week. That afternoon my friends boss called and offered me the job. I took some time to make the decision and then accepted the job the next day. As sure as I felt that I needed to move to Maryland, I felt just as sure that I need to move back. I know that I'm doing what I am supposed to do but that doesn't take away personal doubts and the question of why it happened this way.

I also have a lot of fear, which never makes me happy. I've been afraid to tell people that I'm going back because it seems so foolish. It was a HUGE deal for me to leave my home of 8 years and now I'm just going back? I had a big going away party, many goodbyes and now I'm going back? Most of the people I said goodbye to probably wouldn't have noticed I was gone since we only hang out every couple of months anyway. I am being reminded constantly that I shouldn't worry about what other people will think and yet I can't get it out of my head. As more positive responses come it is becoming easier for me.

The other thing I am afraid of is the rut. I was so unhappy with my life and now I'm going back? I didn't feel like I fit where I was but I don't feel like I fit where I am either. I want to be somewhere that I really feel like I can be completely myself and also be around people that help me to want to be better. I refuse to move back to Provo. (I probably shouldn't say that...) I did my time and now I'm done. Orem still seems a little too close. Sandy is looking quite appealing although a bit far away, I'm not too concerned about it. I want this clean slate to be filled with new positive things.

I am so excited about my job and I am excited to be near a lot of the people that I love very much. I'm sad to leave most of my family and some wonderful friends behind but I feel such hope for this new adventure and plus, Maryland is home, I'll always come back.

There we have it, more big news from the life of Beth. If I cry wolf again and move somewhere else, don't worry, I won't post it here. I think I'll probably just leave in the night and not tell a soul.

I'm not ready to go into detail yet but there are some changes happening that I never expected. I am listening to this song on repeat lately because this is the attitude I want to have.



I thought I did what's right
I thought I had the answer
I thought I chose the surest road
But that road brought me here
So I put up a fight
And told You how to help me
And just when I had given up
The truth is coming clear, for...

You know...Better Than I
You know...the way
I've let go...the need to know why
'Cause You know Better Than I

If this has been a test
I cannot see the reason
But maybe knowing, I don't know
Is part of getting thru
I try to do what's best
Find faith has made it easy
To see the best thing I can do
Is put my faith in You, for...

I saw one cloud, and thought it was the sky
I saw a bird and thought that I could follow
But it was You who tought them to fly
If I let You reach me...
Will You teach me? For...

You know...Better Than I
You know...the way
I've let go...the need to know why
I'll take what answers You supply
'Cause You know Better Than I

Re-living the good old days

My last few days in Utah were amazing. They were the kind of days that fill a heart with joy. They are the days that made it very difficult to leave. I had some amazing times in Utah. I made wonderful friends, had many adventures, experienced some difficult things and to sum it up, I would say that I did much of my growing up in Utah.

He's cute, even at Walmart.

My last 4 days in Utah were spent at Ben & Brenae's house. I really couldn't have planned that better. I didn't love my living situation for the past 8 months and I found that whenever I went to Ben & Brenae's I felt completely at home and peaceful. I loved being there and I loved that they always welcomed me with open arms. Being the wonderful people that they are, they did that again when I had to move out of my apartment 4 days before I planned to leave Utah. I had so many great times in Utah and I didn't want the clouds of the last 8 months to cover that and leave me rushing to get away, staying at Ben's fixed that. I felt completely safe and at peace. I didn't feel like I had to be any special version of myself and I didn't feel like I was in the way or always doing the wrong thing as I often did in my own home. Staying there reminded me of my best years in Utah and, although I did have a harder time leaving, I was grateful for it.

Lora, how is this the only picture I have of the two of us from my last week?? We slacked on the picture taking...

Chris & I at Mimi's, it was only right to get a picture in front of the restaurant at which we at many a meal.

We went through a lot, and they were the best besties a girl could ask for.

Pretty much every moment not spent with my sister during my last week in Utah was spent with friends from the 136th ward. I was able to spend Friday night with Chris, having dinner and going for a drive. It was EXACTLY what I needed that night. Lucky Chris figured that out because I didn't know what I needed. I had a party and invited the people I am closest to and also invited people that I am no longer as close to but that I love and that touched my life and made a difference, enough of a difference that I needed to see them before I left.

Friends at my going away party

Going away party with the Karoly's. I took pictures with several other people but they all disappeared.

My last night with some favorites.

The day Corinne arrived, two days before I left, we were able to explore Raintree and reminisce about all of the fun (and drama) and felt like old ladies remembering "the good old days". That night we had dinner with the Mansfields, Ben, Brenae and Laura and then had an ice cream party with Marina & Desi. It was difficult to say goodbye to all of these people but I was strong, I only cried in my bed in the dark where no one would know. Tuesday night was perfect. Amy and Josh came from St George so that Ames & I could say goodbye and it filled me with joy. I was so sad to think I would have to leave without some Amy time and I'm really grateful that Josh made the decision that they needed come up for a few days. Lora, Amy & Josh all came over to Ben & Brenae's that night and we talked, looked at old (old old) pictures from "the good old days", laughed about how much we dressed up and ate microwave S'mores. It was a fabulous "last night" (especially after the complete breakdown I had when I had to say goodbye to my sister, bro-in-law and nephew...holy heartbreak.) After many photos, Lora & Amy left and Corinne & I stayed up and looked at more pictures with Ben & Brenae. I went to bed that night, sad to leave, but so happy to have been reminded of all of the good people and good things that made up my life in Utah.

Dinner with my Utah parents.

Hangin' with Marina & Desi.

The ladies + Han

Corinne always with the scandalousness. Love it. Missed it.

Driving out of Utah was difficult. I cried when we drove past my sisters exit and cried again when we had to stop at the bank on an exit that I spent a lot of time on, mostly with Chris or Allison. I felt so silly but I couldn't keep the tears in. I had a few difficult moments, usually when asked how I was feeling but mostly made the trip with a faith filled heart.

Corinne was a huge support. I'm so glad she made the trek with me, however boring at moments. She let me talk when I needed to and not talk (which ended up being a lot of the time, I was lost in my thoughts). And best of all we just listened to a whole lot of music and sang along, it's what we do best.

I'm here now and I'm adjusting. I have had some hard moments and hard days. I miss my life in Utah often. I miss my sister and Austin constantly. I miss my friends more then I thought was physically possible, and yet I can't ignore the constant feeling that I'm in the right place. I spend every day at home applying for jobs, spending time with my family or on lucky days, running errands and although that is hard and I miss being out and having my own life, enough money to go do things if I choose and friends that I know are right around the corner I can't ignore the constant feeling that I'm doing the right thing. I don't know what my purpose is here but I have faith that everything will work out. That's all I know.

Travel Journal

Began: Utah
End: Maryland
Total Miles Traveled: 2262ish

Our travel journal as written on the back of a page of our directions.

311 Miles=2 potty stops + 1 can of Pringles.

Wyoming-What's the point??

336=1 potty stop + 1 Subway stop
Han, unimpressed by Nebraska

Black Hole found between Lincoln & Omaha

NE much pretteri (exactly as i wrote it on the paper) but what's with the "road construction"?
Nebraska has a biiig crush on PA! Hershey? York? Lancaster?

365 miles=1 potty stop+1 good sleep. Beth knows what love is, the shower she had last night & this morning.

Nebraska & Iowa, what's up with plus gas costing less then reg?

337 miles=3 stops
We like Illinois! No black hole, although we got lost for about 16 miles.
Peoria is cool to say AND reminded us of Boston.

307 miles=2 stops
More subway. No black hole thus far.

256 miles=slept
Ohio doesn't suck!!!

Holy Rain Batman!!
And what's with $12 for the turn pike?? Good thing PA is pretty.

There you have it ladies & gentlemen. The roadtrip in a nutshell. More to come don't you worry.

Favorite

The song I'm currently listening to on repeat. I love Rascal Flatts.

Love Who You Love

The new me!

I've joked a lot with my co-workers about becoming someone different before I move back to MD because when people don't know you you can be anyone! I wanted to get a drastic new haircut and start wearing jewelry. Not sure if the jewelry thing will happen but the (drastic for me) haircut did. I'm still getting used to seeing myself with, what I would consider, a stylish haircut so the jury is still out but I think I like it. Here are some pictures...that I took of myself, so I apologize for the weird faces and poor quality. (I got an A-line cut, thus the front and back photos) What do you think?
Oh and one random thing...I fell in love with two pieces of furniture. I didn't think that was possible but when I sold my bookshelf (the bookshelf that I searched endlessly for and finally found for a crazy expensive price but bought anyway...that bookshelf) I almost cried. Here is a picture of my bookshelf & DVD stand. Luckily I get to keep the DVD stand.