There are few moments in my life when I think to myself, "I wish I had a husband."  I like to think that I'm a pretty independent gal, but even so, those moments still come up.  One did tonight and that has inspired me to make a list of the moments that I have thought that.

-While shoveling the driveway for 40 minutes (as the snow still falls...)
-When dealing with car insurance companies.
-When taking my car to an auto shop of any kind.
-When I had to (past tense, thank goodness) scrape my windows at the crack of dawn. (And maybe only in my dreams would a husband actually get up and scrape my windows at the crack of dawn but hey, a girls gotta dream right?)

But then again, I could get a snow blower, have my mommy call the car insurance company next time, ask my brother in law to go with me to the auto shop and park my car in a garage (done).  Nonexistent pity party over.

About time for Random Thoughts from Beth, right?

Right!  :)

-I was watching an episode of ER (guilty pleasure) last night and after finding out that her husband died a woman had what seemed to be a heart attack.  The doctors realized it was Broken Heart Syndrome.  I looked it up and as you can see, it's real.  I have been thinking about it a lot today.  I've decided that although it does seem kind of crazy I can also kind of understand why it happens.  Either way it's really interesting to me and it has been on my mind.  I've felt heartache before, where it literally feels like physical pain, it's so interesting to me how emotions can affect you physically.

-I realized today that if I put gloves on when my hands are already cold they never get warmer but if I put gloves on when they are already kind of warm they stay warm.  Is this common?  Is this some kind of known rule that I've been missing out on for the last 27 years?  I'm so curious now!

-For the last two weeks my job was rough.  The days were long, stressful, overwhelming and left me in tears almost every day.  When I went to bed last night I was dreading today.  I knew this week would be more chill but I was worried that the constant dread I have felt before going to work each day was going to last.  I've had this feeling with many jobs before, where I didn't want to get out of bed, but had made it 8 months at this job without feeling that once and it scared me.  Once I got to work today it felt normal again.  I am catching up on a lot of things that haven't been done because of some other craziness and I worked until 7 without stopping.  I didn't really have to be there until 7 but the time just passed so quickly and I was happy to be there.  My new boss came out and said, Beth!  I wish there were more hours in the day so I could work more!  And as crazy as it sounds, I agreed with her.  I love having a job that makes a difference in peoples lives.  Even when I sit there doing silly paperwork or talking with employees or filing or anything like that I always have my sweet clients in my head because all of those little things, all of the processes that have been implemented, are there so we can support these amazing people.  And for that, I am grateful.


-I decided today that I don't have enough Amy in my life and I have been wanting to run away for the last two weeks so I'm going to go down south the weekend of January 8th (as long as the weather doesn't interfere).  Anyone want to join me?

-My niece and nephew are the greatest.  I have been thinking about the fun Christmas day I had with them and they just fill my heart with joy!  I love that when Austin opened his present from me he said "no way!" (which was a new found phrase as of earlier that morning) and I love that Emily snuggled on my lap with me off and on throughout the day.  I love that they both climbed up on my lap to read a book resulting in a picture that is quite similar to one taken last Christmas.  I love being their Auntie and I'm so excited that #3 is on the way!  I also love that my sister and brother in law know me pretty darn well and that they let me visit so often.  They're the best!

That sure was random.  :)

Happy Thanksgiving, back.

Every year on Thanksgiving I get that lovely line from You've Got Mail stuck in my head and say it over and over again. Love it!

Happy Thanksgiving friends and family! I love you all! I am grateful to have a family that loves me more than I deserve, friends that see the best in me and support me always, a testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ and many blessings that I work to be worthy of everyday and am very grateful for. I'm also grateful that in one week I'll be at home with my family!!

I'm off to have an "untradational" thanksgiving with Chris. Our dinner includes Chris' famous tacos, green bean casserole, mashed potatoes, sausage stuffing and much more. I'm grateful to have the "tradition" of Thanksgiving with my friend. I hope you all enjoy your day! Love to you all!

4:30 AM

4:30 AM has become my least favorite time of day. Without fail every morning at 4:30 I wake up. Some days it I only stay awake for a few minutes and then fall back asleep and some days I stay awake for hours before falling asleep again. I have also been having trouble falling asleep at night. My mind just thinks and thinks and goes over and over every little thing that happened during my day or every little thing that I need to get done at work or every little fear that I have about the future or the present. I agonize over things that I said the day before and worry that I hurt someone or said the wrong thing or didn't take care of something.

I have never had this problem before. I've always been able to fall asleep and stay asleep and I miss it. In part I am grateful that my heart is so invested in so many things that it keeps me up at night, while at the same time it isn't healthy. It makes my temper short and some days my patience non-existent. I've been working on being more positive and seeing the good in every day but a lack of sleep makes it harder.

Everyone cross your fingers that I can sleep again someday.

In other news, I fell in love today. One of the people we support at work came in with his new puppy and I almost died. I don't usually fall in love with dogs so quickly but this one stole my heart in seconds. I couldn't get enough of him! They let me take him out of his carrier and I just sat there and snuggled with him. I can't remember the type of dog he was now but all I know is that he had beautiful blue eyes and soft white fur and it made me want a dog more than I ever have before. Anyone have a puppy that I can cuddle with and then give back??

Fun!

On Friday night Brenae asked all of us when the last time we gut laughed was. We started talking about having fun and "playing" more. The conversation struck me because it is something I have been thinking about for awhile. I remember being in San Francisco with Chris and having a conversation about it. He did a good job of trying to let go and ended up being goofy and dancing around the hotel room while I sat there and could literally feel fear and lack of confidence stopping me from joining in. So it's a new goal for me. I want to enjoy life more. I want to be less serious and find the fun in situations. I want to laugh more and and play more. So this is where my journey to find the fun in life begins.

How do you guys have fun and let go of the seriousness of life? I'd love to hear about it!

I find that ehow.com is full of great ideas. They seem to have an answer to anything that I google. Here is the answer to how you can have more fun in life. :) http://www.ehow.com/how_5684593_fun-improve-life.html

Thank you November!

How about a long one to make up for the last 4 days?

I was just thinking yesterday that November has been awfully kind to me. A lot of my favorite people were born in November and they aren't just your everyday, hey that person is swell, kind of friends. They're the kind I see being around forever. Like old and gray sitting in rocking chairs on the porch talking about "the good old days" kind of friends. The ones that, even though we may not see each other often, I feel a constant connection to. You know the kind? This is my mini-tribute to them. The first birthday of the month was my little niece Emmy but I've already given her an entire post. And here they are, in order by date. Ready? Go!

Heatherfer strangling me while hanging out in our favorite place.

Heatherfer, Heffer, Heatha Lee, Heather Bee Lishop- November 12th- Ah, she's a good one that Heatherfer. Our friendship began because of her mom. It was one of my first days going back to church after several years and her mom came up and said that she couldn't wait for me to meet her daughters because she just knew that we would be friends! Heather is one that I rarely see but when we're in the same state we always make time to get together. There is no awkwardness after months of not seeing each other, just a whole lot of talking and laughing and catching up. I sure love her for that!

Joanie and I making a snow man over Christmas break before she was a wife or a momma.

Joanie-November 14th- She may have less nicknames but that doesn't mean I love her any less. :) Joanie and I met at EFY and grew a long and lasting friendship over many trips to Kings Dominion and Fredericksburg, VA. We had sleepovers galore, drove from state to state visiting friends (still can't believe our parents let us do that...) and ate a whole lot of food. Joanie and I haven't lived in the same state since we were 17 and have never lived closer than an hour or more drive but we have made it work. From visits to Idaho or Utah, a drive to North Carolina over Christmas break or the many drives to Frederick and Baltimore we've kept a friendship that I don't plan on ever losing. :) She's married and a momma now and we don't get to talk much but I love her and I love her insight and I love knowing that we'll always be friends. Maybe someday we can live closer to each other. :)

Al and Conor while painting our living room.

Al, Alley-son-November 14th-Another November 14th? Did I forget to mention that most of these friends were born within a week of each other (in different years of course). Al and I were roommates at The La Hacienda and are roommates once again. I feel like we are the perfect roommates and I'm a wee bit sad that she'll probably be leaving me in the next few months for an eternal roommate but these things happen (especially when you live with me). Al and I have a lot in common, and are also very different. I love her for her willingness to ask me hard questions and to challenge me to be better. We've gone long periods of time without seeing each other or talking but it tends to be pretty normal once we see each other again. I'm grateful to be able to live with Al for a few more months before life changes.

Proof of Chris encouraging me to face fears.

Chris-November 17th-Yup, even my best friend was born in that one week period. See, November is good to me. Chris and I met at the ripe old age of 18 and bonded over the making of enchilada's, roommates that threw tables and an epic (EPIC!, chris) prank war. Our friendship grew after his mission and now I consider him like family. We've gone on many adventures, including San Diego, Vegas, San Francisco and Gaithersburg. We've had our moments and our difficult times but we've always come out of it and usually stronger. He has the ability to make me laugh even when I don't want to, he encourages me to do things that I'm afraid of, I have told him things that I don't see myself sharing with anyone else. I feel like I can be myself around him and although I have walls that prevent me from being perfectly confident in things he proves to me again and again that he won't ever look down on me for feeling a certain way. When I look at where our friendship started and look at it now all I can say is, I'm grateful. We've been through a lot, a lot of things have changed, we have changed as people and we have gone through a lot of difficult personal times but our friendship has lasted and gotten better along the way. This poor boy is stuck with me for the long haul. :)

Sassy and Uncle Tommy-November 26th-Thank you November for giving me an Aunt and Uncle. :) They're pretty great. You probably wouldn't guess that they are twins upon meeting them because they couldn't be more different. Some people think it's odd that I'm so close to my Aunt. Our family is weird like that though. She's a fun aunt and a loving and involved aunt. Sometimes this might mean that she's a worry-filled aunt as well. :) We're pretty lucky to have her. As for Uncle Tommy, I was afraid of him until about 6 months ago (ok...maybe a few years) but I'm finding that he's just a big joker and a loving guy. I may have ruined "the big game" the day that I was born but I think at least part of him was glad I was here. :) I'm excited to see them both when I go home in a few weeks!

Aunt Debby-November 28th-Sad that not having facebook to remind me made me forget my Aunt Debby. My apologies! I always love seeing my Aunt Debby and going to their house. Christmas without going to their house never feels right to me. A few years ago I had to fly back to Utah on Christmas and everyone (especially me) was so sad that I had to leave before the festivities really began. Much to my joy the flight was overbooked and I was able to fly home the next day. I loved walking back into Aunt Debby and Uncle Tommy's house and hearing all the joyful sounds. It felt like Christmas for real at that point. Have I mentioned that Aunt Debby is also a wonderful cook? I want to be like her someday!


Corinnie, Rin, Wee Wee-November 30-Corinnie was one of my first roommates and things started out a little bumpy. Then out of the blue over Christmas break we realized we missed each other and talked for several hours on the phone. Ah, that was the beginning of a beautiful friendship. Corinnie is one of my favorites and I love our phone dates. (I hate that we have to have phone dates but busy lives call for such things.) After traveling with Corinnie I decided that either SHE is the perfect traveling companion or it's just that a former roommate is the perfect traveling companion. We spent 5 days together 24/7 (even had to share a bed) and never fought. We both had frustrating moments, mostly due to getting lost on a regular basis and we just knew when to leave each other alone. It was perfect. Corinnie was with me on the horrendous drive across the country when I moved back to Maryland. It was long, and I was sad and very much lost in my thoughts most of the time but we still managed to have fun and come out of it still friends! Go us! Corinnie and I laugh lots when we are together and she is a fantastic listener. We can always count on each other for a good rant too. I'm sure that we'll be friends for many years, we have to be because we have many more Boston trips planned. (We have a 5 year plan, it's serious!)

Random

I get to see my momma in less than a month. The thought of that makes me all sorts of happy. I haven't been home in almost a year and a half and I haven't seen my mom since the beginning of the year sometime...March maybe? That's far too long in my opinion.

Sleep is calling me. This whole blogging everyday thing is harder than I remember but then again maybe I'm busier this time around. I really like being busy and I like that I'm learning new things every day. Never a dull moment.

I've worked with my best friend for the past 6 months. Although we have had some hard times, I count myself lucky. He taught me many things that I don't think I ever would have been trained on otherwise and he has been a great support on hard days.

We broke down and turned the heat on today. I don't know if I feel good about it or not. I guess I'll know how I feel when we get the gas bill.

I am having dinner with my roommate, her boyfriend and another couple on Thursday. It's funny how I can hang out with the Ben, Brenae, Lora and John and feel like I belong and how I can think about this dinner and think nothing but "5th wheel 5th wheel 5th wheel." I'm sure it won't be like that but the fear is always there.

I haven't been sleeping the best lately. It annoys me. Thank goodness for Allison's laptop. I have been falling asleep to Gilmore Girls episodes. It's the only way I fall asleep. I should probably give it back sometime though.

Speaking of things I should probably do...time to get ready for bed.