I guess the time has finally come. If by some crazy chance someone doesn't know already, I'm back in Utah. I've been back for 2 months and if possible the time went by quickly and slowly all at the same time.
The last 4 months are definitely completely different then anything I could have imagined but I really see that there is a plan for my life. I have my guesses on why things had to go this way (and by that I mean moving to MD just to move back to UT again). The first of which being that I really needed to start over. There were so many parts of my life in Utah that I knew could be good and it was hard for me to leave those but I had such hope for a life in Maryland. I loved feeling like I could really be a part of the singles ward in Baltimore. I loved being with my family. I loved gaining a closer relationship with my Gran and I loved being closer to some fantastic friends. I didn't love not having a job and I didn't love the humidity. I also didn't love being away from the people in Utah that I love.
The decision to move (both times) was made solely on the basis of answers to prayer. I felt that moving to MD was part of the plan for me and moving back also did. I don't know if this was how it was supposed to happen all along and I don't really need to know. I do know that I have felt Heavenly Fathers hand in my life regularly over the last two months. It certainly was not the easiest time in my life but if I look at my life now it all fits. I was "homeless" for almost 2 months but I learned to be humble and ask for help. I learned that people are kind and generous and I learned that I'm not the nuisance to them like I often think I am. People actually enjoyed having me in their homes...weird. I was also reminded of how to rely completely on my Father in Heaven for strength. I ended up in a ward that has many many similarities to my singles ward in Maryland. I have been introduced every week since moving in and not the kind where people say "This is Beth and she is new in the ward" but more like "This is Beth, I know she was introduced last week but I just learned this about her while we were talking." I've gotten much better at learning things about people and carrying on conversations that don't depend solely on them asking questions about my life. It's a good skill that I lost somehow over the last few years. (Maybe I didn't lose that skill but lost the confidence to use it...)
To finish off the babble I'll say that although I don't know what has really changed in me I see differences. I see myself having better relationships with my friends, trying harder to renew old friendships and I am feeling more deeply then I have in awhile. I go through phases where I kind of stop feeling. Usually because I ignore everything that seems too hard to face and then I forget how to feel. It's always a painful hike back into the world of the feeling but once I get there I'm so grateful for it. I feel deeply, I care about people deeply, I feel happier and stronger and closer to God and to the spirit and those are the things I have been searching for. Hopefully I can hold on and continue to grow. The rut I was in before leaving Utah is scary to think about and it's not a place I want to be again. So, off I go to find new opportunities and grand adventures to help others and better myself.
Hopefully I'm back to the blogging world. I'm going to make an attempt. Maybe if I don't get better I'll punish myself (and you!?) with another full month of blogging daily.
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