Wow, it's Sunday. The weekend went by SO fast which quite possible hate much to do with the fact that I went Christmas shopping for 5 hours yesterday. I was feeling well enough to go to church today for the first time in 3 weeks. I loved being there and I really felt like I was right where I needed to be which, right now I really needed to feel. The Bishopric spoke today and I was really touched by their talks. I felt so strongly how much they love us and when they talked about how two of them expect to be released soon I felt a pang in my heart. I have to say I was shocked by that. After leaving the 136th ward I didn't think I would love a bishopric as much as I loved that one but I do. The 136th ward was a huge part of my growing up and the Bishopric and their wives were seriously like my family in times that I really needed a family and I didn't think that could happen twice. It really has though. I had some fears at first mostly because of an experience that I let hurt me too deeply but I have since gained an incredible relationship with my Bishop and love and appreciate him SO much. He has helped me to really work through a lot of hard things and he is helping me to take new steps in my life. Anyway point is I was really touched and grateful for them today. I was really excited for after church today also because the other night at the Brian Regan show B.T. & his wife B invited us over for our beloved White Christmas movie night. Roommate A.V. and I went and so did L.H. & husband. We were all invited at Brian Regan and when we got there and saw some old friends (B.T's old roommates/guys we used to be really close with) and their wives were there too. I worried at first that it might be awkward but it ended up being really fun, which it always is I just have to get over my issues of thinking things are awkward when they don't have to be. I actually got over it quite quickly and felt very comfortable and at home which is something I got so used to not feeling that everytime I do it is a little shock. Dinner was really delicious (thus the Brisket part of the title of this blog) and it was fun chatting. I'm really grateful that B.T. is sort of like I am with friends in that he doesn't just give up on people. When he got married and I teased him, as I do with all of my friends, that he was now going to move on without us. He made it very clear that he planned to be different and he certainly has been. We spend just as much time with him now as we did before and I'm glad. I adore his wife and always enjoy myself when we're together. B.T. has been an incredible friend to me and ever since the night he came in the middle of the night to give me a blessing and had to sit and watch me sob for a long time before I could even talk I have known he is the really good kind. The kind you keep. He never mentioned my breakdown again which made the initial awkwardness that I felt go away immediately. I'm not making sense but this time of year does that to me. And having a little Christmasy dinner with a bunch of old friends all of which have touched my life deeply in one way or another brings back a lot of feelings and memories which brings the gratitude I was too lost and numb to feel when they were in my life regularly.
In Relief Society today we talked about unity and how it can give strength. The teacher asked people to share experiences or examples of times when they felt that and I just leaned over to roommate A and whispered "136". She knew what I meant and whether or not she was thinking it I know she agrees. I have talked to a lot of people from that ward and all of them have said the same thing. They have never felt like they belonged more then they did in that ward. I think of that and just feel so overcome with gratitude because I see where I am now. Things aren't perfect and I have a long way to go before life is what I want it to be but it is better and I think of those times 2, 3 years ago when I was as low as I could possibly get. I was in a scary place and I wanted to give up but something kept me going and I truly believe the strength I received from being a part of something made me not give up. My Heavenly Father knew what I needed in order to help me and I wasn't in a place where dealing with life the way normal people do would work. I needed a support system and I got it. I have trouble grasping how blessed I am but I am truly grateful. I'm a babbling mess. I'm just in a good place right now. I have things I want to improve and things I want to learn and do but I am really in a good place. It's late, I'm tired and I have to work tomorrow...3 things that don't go well together.
I'm out.
