Yeah, I'm gonna do it. The New Years post. Gotta love it. I wasn't planning to but I realized that last year I blogged 12 times (so pathetic right?) and then I noticed that I did the same this year SO I had to blog one more time, and plus, I just read my first post from this year and I think it's about time for some follow up. I think I did it. I think there is room for improvement, but I think I started to overcome some of my fears. I let myself really care for people this year and I let other people care about me. I learned this year that I deserve to be treated really well, I realized that it's possible that someone can love me someday. I overcame some of my fears about getting involved in my ward. I was able to recognize blessings in my life that I haven't realized in the past. My testimony of the gospel has grown with a huge foundation on the Atonement. I started to become more self-reliant in my emotions. I didn't feel like i needed to go running to a friend every time something upset me. It's definitely nice to have that as an option, with the wonderful friends that I have but it's not something I felt like I had to do in order to feel better. I feel stronger then ever and I hope that keeps growing because I want to continue feeling that way year after year. A little stronger each year. I went to Minnesota, so silly, but for me a trip like that was overcoming huge fears. It wasn't the easiest trip ever. I love the friends I was with but there were definitely some struggles in readjusting to each other. But I handled it better then I ever have with only a few tears to Chris on the phone. I feel like I succeeded in my hopes for this year and I hope to build on that this year. 2007 was a really great year. One of my favorites and one with some of my biggest milestones. I'm blessed and I like where I am in my life.
I already have big ideas for 2008, I hope to keep the goals I have set for myself but if I slip up, that's okay too. I'll get back to it if I keep trying and have faith that I don't have to make these changes alone. I'm ready for a fresh start.
And for Tom, the theme-2008 I Am Legend.
Sunday, December 30, 2007
Monday, December 03, 2007
*I began writing this blog on October 12th, for some reason I stopped but saved it and just now decided it was time to finish it. Parts are a little out dated, but I decided not to change it.*
Sometimes I wonder why I do this blog thing. I read my posts later and think that a person would have to be crazy to want to read about my unimportant thoughts but I always find myself coming back because I feel things that I don't know how to express or don't feel comfortable expressing verbally. It's kind of ridiculous to be so open about my feelings in such a public forum, but although it's public, it feels safe. I don't have to face the people that I know are aware it exists, and if I do they don't tell me they have read it so it's like nothing ever happened. So, here I am back in the land of blog.
I have been feeling so so blessed lately. This past weekend was General Conference and it was everything I could have hoped for. It was by far the best conference experience I have ever had, which I know has everything to do with the fact that I prepared and went into it with an open heart and a desire to improve myself and to have my questions answered. Both of which happened. I was able to go to Salt Lake to watch two of the sessions with my friend Chris and it really made a difference for me. We watched the Saturday and Sunday morning sessions in the Legacy Theater on Temple Square and I loved it. I have never cried so much during conference or felt so truly touched. I also got to spend time with one of my favorite people which is always something I'm grateful for. I've been searching so much lately for anything, to feel fulfilled in someway and this weekend gave me that. I felt emotion more deeply then I have in a long time. And I felt like I belonged somewhere. I've been trying to get to know people in my ward and make friends, etc but it's been hard for me. I have made some headway but it's not like I would like it to be. So, I felt really blessed to be with a friend that gets me and that knows me so well he can "read my mind." I also went to my sisters house for lunch and the second session of Conference on Sunday which ended up being something I really needed too. I don't always feel like my brother-in-law really likes me but lately something has changed and I feel like we get along better and he isn't just humoring me all the time. Maybe he realized he is stuck with me. haha! It was just nice to hang out with my sister at her house and to feel comfortable and like I was welcome and accepted. That night I went to ward prayer and ended up talking to people which was a miracle! I usually slip out quickly before anyone notices I was even there so I don't have the awkwardness of realizing I'm not gutsy enough to talk to people and people aren't going to just come up and talk to me. If you get the heck out that saves a lot of trouble. :)
To continue with my wonderful week I went to a show on Tuesday night that was originally made for a Sunday night show at the Nauvoo Temple and my Bishop set up a performance for us to see. My friend Alex was in it which was such a fun surprise for me to see her. I absolutely loved the show. It was broadway music, disney music and gospel songs. So amazing!! It's just about life and the things that happen and the people that touch your life. At the end I became overwhelmed with the feeling that I am so blessed. I cried again for the 5,000th time in 3 days. I love that Heavenly Father knows me. Through all of the loneliness and confusion that I have felt so often in my life, I always know that I don't have to do it alone. I'm really grateful for that. In an attempt to be more positive, here are some things I am grateful for.
1. Being a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I love knowing that I have a Savior who loves me and made it possible for me to live this life and to have choices about how I do and to have a way to repent when I make mistakes. I love knowing that this life isn't the end, that I can be with my family for eternity. There are so many reasons but in an attempt to be less wordy, I'll stop there.
2. My family. I have a different family. We have our issues but one thing I can never forget is that there is a lot of love. Whenever I get together with my extended family I can't help but smile because they're quirky, they argue but underneath it all our family is based on love and support. I've seen it and I'm grateful for it.
3. My current friends that are like my family. For most of my life I have had big groups of "good friends." I am at a point now where a lot of people are moving on and having families of their own but I have a group of people that I know will always be in my life. The amount of time I have known them spans from 14 years to 2 years. Some I have known since Young Women's, some I met at EFY some I met in my singles wards in Utah, some at work. They have all individually made a huge difference in me as a person by sharing their love and their examples. These people have been put in my life for a reason.
4. Old friends. There are a lot of people that were a huge part of my life at very important times, but for some reason we have lost track of each other or we just keep in very distant touch but I can't forget the difference they have made in my life. A lot of these people were a huge part of my life a few years ago when I was sick and they helped make my life bearable. Whether it was a home teacher that I hardly knew that came and danced in my room in the ICU or a friend that was dating my roommate and was the 3rd person to see me after I woke up in the hospital and was very scared. There were the ones that gave me blessings or the ones that got me to the hospital when I couldn't walk. We're in different places in our lives but my life was definitely changed because of them and they're very close to my heart still.
5. Music. It inspires me and I feel more deeply through music then anything else. I have no musical abilities whatsoever but I sure know how to appreciate music.
6. I am grateful that I know who I am. I know that I am of great worth because I am a daughter of Heavenly Father. That is something I repeated over and over in Young Womens but I don't think I fully grasped what that meant then. I definitely don't think I do now either, but my understanding of that phrase to be "a daughter of God" means so much more now. I am also grateful for Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin's talk from October and this quote: "The scriptures tell us that 'if any man love God, the same is known of him.' What a wonderful promise-to be known of Him. It makes the spirit soar to think that the Creator of heaven and earth could know us and love us with a pure, eternal love."
I'm grateful for a lot more, but for now this is where I will stop.
Sometimes I wonder why I do this blog thing. I read my posts later and think that a person would have to be crazy to want to read about my unimportant thoughts but I always find myself coming back because I feel things that I don't know how to express or don't feel comfortable expressing verbally. It's kind of ridiculous to be so open about my feelings in such a public forum, but although it's public, it feels safe. I don't have to face the people that I know are aware it exists, and if I do they don't tell me they have read it so it's like nothing ever happened. So, here I am back in the land of blog.
I have been feeling so so blessed lately. This past weekend was General Conference and it was everything I could have hoped for. It was by far the best conference experience I have ever had, which I know has everything to do with the fact that I prepared and went into it with an open heart and a desire to improve myself and to have my questions answered. Both of which happened. I was able to go to Salt Lake to watch two of the sessions with my friend Chris and it really made a difference for me. We watched the Saturday and Sunday morning sessions in the Legacy Theater on Temple Square and I loved it. I have never cried so much during conference or felt so truly touched. I also got to spend time with one of my favorite people which is always something I'm grateful for. I've been searching so much lately for anything, to feel fulfilled in someway and this weekend gave me that. I felt emotion more deeply then I have in a long time. And I felt like I belonged somewhere. I've been trying to get to know people in my ward and make friends, etc but it's been hard for me. I have made some headway but it's not like I would like it to be. So, I felt really blessed to be with a friend that gets me and that knows me so well he can "read my mind." I also went to my sisters house for lunch and the second session of Conference on Sunday which ended up being something I really needed too. I don't always feel like my brother-in-law really likes me but lately something has changed and I feel like we get along better and he isn't just humoring me all the time. Maybe he realized he is stuck with me. haha! It was just nice to hang out with my sister at her house and to feel comfortable and like I was welcome and accepted. That night I went to ward prayer and ended up talking to people which was a miracle! I usually slip out quickly before anyone notices I was even there so I don't have the awkwardness of realizing I'm not gutsy enough to talk to people and people aren't going to just come up and talk to me. If you get the heck out that saves a lot of trouble. :)
To continue with my wonderful week I went to a show on Tuesday night that was originally made for a Sunday night show at the Nauvoo Temple and my Bishop set up a performance for us to see. My friend Alex was in it which was such a fun surprise for me to see her. I absolutely loved the show. It was broadway music, disney music and gospel songs. So amazing!! It's just about life and the things that happen and the people that touch your life. At the end I became overwhelmed with the feeling that I am so blessed. I cried again for the 5,000th time in 3 days. I love that Heavenly Father knows me. Through all of the loneliness and confusion that I have felt so often in my life, I always know that I don't have to do it alone. I'm really grateful for that. In an attempt to be more positive, here are some things I am grateful for.
1. Being a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I love knowing that I have a Savior who loves me and made it possible for me to live this life and to have choices about how I do and to have a way to repent when I make mistakes. I love knowing that this life isn't the end, that I can be with my family for eternity. There are so many reasons but in an attempt to be less wordy, I'll stop there.
2. My family. I have a different family. We have our issues but one thing I can never forget is that there is a lot of love. Whenever I get together with my extended family I can't help but smile because they're quirky, they argue but underneath it all our family is based on love and support. I've seen it and I'm grateful for it.
3. My current friends that are like my family. For most of my life I have had big groups of "good friends." I am at a point now where a lot of people are moving on and having families of their own but I have a group of people that I know will always be in my life. The amount of time I have known them spans from 14 years to 2 years. Some I have known since Young Women's, some I met at EFY some I met in my singles wards in Utah, some at work. They have all individually made a huge difference in me as a person by sharing their love and their examples. These people have been put in my life for a reason.
4. Old friends. There are a lot of people that were a huge part of my life at very important times, but for some reason we have lost track of each other or we just keep in very distant touch but I can't forget the difference they have made in my life. A lot of these people were a huge part of my life a few years ago when I was sick and they helped make my life bearable. Whether it was a home teacher that I hardly knew that came and danced in my room in the ICU or a friend that was dating my roommate and was the 3rd person to see me after I woke up in the hospital and was very scared. There were the ones that gave me blessings or the ones that got me to the hospital when I couldn't walk. We're in different places in our lives but my life was definitely changed because of them and they're very close to my heart still.
5. Music. It inspires me and I feel more deeply through music then anything else. I have no musical abilities whatsoever but I sure know how to appreciate music.
6. I am grateful that I know who I am. I know that I am of great worth because I am a daughter of Heavenly Father. That is something I repeated over and over in Young Womens but I don't think I fully grasped what that meant then. I definitely don't think I do now either, but my understanding of that phrase to be "a daughter of God" means so much more now. I am also grateful for Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin's talk from October and this quote: "The scriptures tell us that 'if any man love God, the same is known of him.' What a wonderful promise-to be known of Him. It makes the spirit soar to think that the Creator of heaven and earth could know us and love us with a pure, eternal love."
I'm grateful for a lot more, but for now this is where I will stop.
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