I'm not ready to go into detail yet but there are some changes happening that I never expected. I am listening to this song on repeat lately because this is the attitude I want to have.



I thought I did what's right
I thought I had the answer
I thought I chose the surest road
But that road brought me here
So I put up a fight
And told You how to help me
And just when I had given up
The truth is coming clear, for...

You know...Better Than I
You know...the way
I've let go...the need to know why
'Cause You know Better Than I

If this has been a test
I cannot see the reason
But maybe knowing, I don't know
Is part of getting thru
I try to do what's best
Find faith has made it easy
To see the best thing I can do
Is put my faith in You, for...

I saw one cloud, and thought it was the sky
I saw a bird and thought that I could follow
But it was You who tought them to fly
If I let You reach me...
Will You teach me? For...

You know...Better Than I
You know...the way
I've let go...the need to know why
I'll take what answers You supply
'Cause You know Better Than I

Re-living the good old days

My last few days in Utah were amazing. They were the kind of days that fill a heart with joy. They are the days that made it very difficult to leave. I had some amazing times in Utah. I made wonderful friends, had many adventures, experienced some difficult things and to sum it up, I would say that I did much of my growing up in Utah.

He's cute, even at Walmart.

My last 4 days in Utah were spent at Ben & Brenae's house. I really couldn't have planned that better. I didn't love my living situation for the past 8 months and I found that whenever I went to Ben & Brenae's I felt completely at home and peaceful. I loved being there and I loved that they always welcomed me with open arms. Being the wonderful people that they are, they did that again when I had to move out of my apartment 4 days before I planned to leave Utah. I had so many great times in Utah and I didn't want the clouds of the last 8 months to cover that and leave me rushing to get away, staying at Ben's fixed that. I felt completely safe and at peace. I didn't feel like I had to be any special version of myself and I didn't feel like I was in the way or always doing the wrong thing as I often did in my own home. Staying there reminded me of my best years in Utah and, although I did have a harder time leaving, I was grateful for it.

Lora, how is this the only picture I have of the two of us from my last week?? We slacked on the picture taking...

Chris & I at Mimi's, it was only right to get a picture in front of the restaurant at which we at many a meal.

We went through a lot, and they were the best besties a girl could ask for.

Pretty much every moment not spent with my sister during my last week in Utah was spent with friends from the 136th ward. I was able to spend Friday night with Chris, having dinner and going for a drive. It was EXACTLY what I needed that night. Lucky Chris figured that out because I didn't know what I needed. I had a party and invited the people I am closest to and also invited people that I am no longer as close to but that I love and that touched my life and made a difference, enough of a difference that I needed to see them before I left.

Friends at my going away party

Going away party with the Karoly's. I took pictures with several other people but they all disappeared.

My last night with some favorites.

The day Corinne arrived, two days before I left, we were able to explore Raintree and reminisce about all of the fun (and drama) and felt like old ladies remembering "the good old days". That night we had dinner with the Mansfields, Ben, Brenae and Laura and then had an ice cream party with Marina & Desi. It was difficult to say goodbye to all of these people but I was strong, I only cried in my bed in the dark where no one would know. Tuesday night was perfect. Amy and Josh came from St George so that Ames & I could say goodbye and it filled me with joy. I was so sad to think I would have to leave without some Amy time and I'm really grateful that Josh made the decision that they needed come up for a few days. Lora, Amy & Josh all came over to Ben & Brenae's that night and we talked, looked at old (old old) pictures from "the good old days", laughed about how much we dressed up and ate microwave S'mores. It was a fabulous "last night" (especially after the complete breakdown I had when I had to say goodbye to my sister, bro-in-law and nephew...holy heartbreak.) After many photos, Lora & Amy left and Corinne & I stayed up and looked at more pictures with Ben & Brenae. I went to bed that night, sad to leave, but so happy to have been reminded of all of the good people and good things that made up my life in Utah.

Dinner with my Utah parents.

Hangin' with Marina & Desi.

The ladies + Han

Corinne always with the scandalousness. Love it. Missed it.

Driving out of Utah was difficult. I cried when we drove past my sisters exit and cried again when we had to stop at the bank on an exit that I spent a lot of time on, mostly with Chris or Allison. I felt so silly but I couldn't keep the tears in. I had a few difficult moments, usually when asked how I was feeling but mostly made the trip with a faith filled heart.

Corinne was a huge support. I'm so glad she made the trek with me, however boring at moments. She let me talk when I needed to and not talk (which ended up being a lot of the time, I was lost in my thoughts). And best of all we just listened to a whole lot of music and sang along, it's what we do best.

I'm here now and I'm adjusting. I have had some hard moments and hard days. I miss my life in Utah often. I miss my sister and Austin constantly. I miss my friends more then I thought was physically possible, and yet I can't ignore the constant feeling that I'm in the right place. I spend every day at home applying for jobs, spending time with my family or on lucky days, running errands and although that is hard and I miss being out and having my own life, enough money to go do things if I choose and friends that I know are right around the corner I can't ignore the constant feeling that I'm doing the right thing. I don't know what my purpose is here but I have faith that everything will work out. That's all I know.

Travel Journal

Began: Utah
End: Maryland
Total Miles Traveled: 2262ish

Our travel journal as written on the back of a page of our directions.

311 Miles=2 potty stops + 1 can of Pringles.

Wyoming-What's the point??

336=1 potty stop + 1 Subway stop
Han, unimpressed by Nebraska

Black Hole found between Lincoln & Omaha

NE much pretteri (exactly as i wrote it on the paper) but what's with the "road construction"?
Nebraska has a biiig crush on PA! Hershey? York? Lancaster?

365 miles=1 potty stop+1 good sleep. Beth knows what love is, the shower she had last night & this morning.

Nebraska & Iowa, what's up with plus gas costing less then reg?

337 miles=3 stops
We like Illinois! No black hole, although we got lost for about 16 miles.
Peoria is cool to say AND reminded us of Boston.

307 miles=2 stops
More subway. No black hole thus far.

256 miles=slept
Ohio doesn't suck!!!

Holy Rain Batman!!
And what's with $12 for the turn pike?? Good thing PA is pretty.

There you have it ladies & gentlemen. The roadtrip in a nutshell. More to come don't you worry.