Ask and ye shall receive...

It's no real secret that I have felt quite distant from almost everything and everyone lately. I have been going through one of those phases where I just don't feel anything. Now and then I have felt a good strong connection with people but mostly there was nothing. I'm working on things and feeling better about life but still haven't completely figured out the whole feeling thing.

In the past I have prayed to be able to feel emotion. Usually when I do bad things start happening (almost every single time my car has broken down) and I feel overwhelmed and then shut down so I don't have to feel anymore. It's a happy little pattern I have going for myself.

After the First Presidency Christmas Devotional last night I told Chris that I wanted to feel the spirit of the season. He listened but didn't start telling me what to do to get it (like I wanted him to...). That left me to figure it out on my own which I'm so happy about. I figured it out...I prayed to be able to do what I needed to in order to feel the spirit of the season. (I know you're all thinking uhh...that was obvious Beth, don't worry I know.)

I didn't feel an instant change last night but today my heart has been full. I woke up at 5:30 this morning and felt happy as a clam (even though I woke up with a headache.) When I walked outside I was greeted by a beautiful winter wonderland. It continued to snow all day while I ran around preparing things for my work Christmas party. I'm stressed by it but I felt peaceful every time I saw the snow falling. I prepared some ornaments for our giving tree at work and felt so grateful to be able to indirectly help some people that really need it. And also really enjoyed having a little art project. I felt like one of Santa's elves.

After work I drove north a bit to hang out with Carrie and do some shopping. The drive was a bit slow but it gave me some good thinking time. I had a great weekend and I was able to really feel gratitude in my heart for my friends and family that I spent time with this weekend. I'm always grateful but it really filled me up this time, to the point of bursting. I had a great time with Carrie having dinner, shopping, talking lots and laughing until the point of tears (Watch TMNT Care...you'll see. :)

When I got home I put my favorite Christmas song on and felt an overwhelming amount of joy. I'm currently obsessed with the Jo Dee Messina version but this one is pretty fantastic too.



I have so much in my life to be grateful for and I hope with everything in me that I can continue to be reminded hour by hour how wonderful my life really is. All I can think is that I really want to help others feel as loved and appreciated as I feel right now. I feel like I'm being wrapped up in a big warm blanket and I think everyone deserves to feel that way. I know this probably all seems so simple but if any of you have felt that distance and darkness that depression can bring I think you can appreciate what I'm saying. Merry Christmas everyone!