I love how life is full of surprises. Pretty much all of the time I pray for things or for guidance and the answer isn't what I expected. You'd think I would have learned by now but I am being reminded, once again, that there is a great big plan that is always in the works and it is far better than anything I could ever come up with on my own.

Almost exactly a year ago I packed up my life, said goodbye to family and friends and drove across the country to start a new life. A month and a half later I was back in Utah with a great job, great apartment (after that period of homelessness), a great ward and a huge blank in any ideas that I had for my future. I thought I had my future figured out when I moved to Maryland but there was much more in store for me. Moving away from Utah and then coming back is probably one of the best things I ever could have done. Although moving across the country twice was expensive and draining emotionally I needed a clean start. I needed to leave behind all of the things that were holding me back and start again.

My new job gave me that, I met some amazing people, was able to learn some new skills, worked with a good friend from a former job and was able to get experience in the field that I went to school for, not to mention I got to plan parties for the company. It also gave me the confidence to work with co-workers and customers and to expand my communication skills. I expected to be at that job for a long time. I started trying to figure out what I was going to do with my life to continue growing. School made the most sense so I filled out financial aid paperwork and I started to pray about my options. For months I felt like it wasn't right. I didn't understand how going to school could be a bad thing but I just didn't feel it so I waited and kept praying about what was next. And then last week happened.

Chris told me about a job that he wanted me to apply for but had just been filled. I was disappointed but couldn't stop thinking about it, after further discussion I found that he couldn't either. We both kind of felt like things wouldn't work out with the person that was hired. Fast forward to Sunday night when Chris asked for my resume. The person that was hired didn't work out and they were doing more interviews. I got a call on Monday and had an interview on Tuesday. After the interview I didn't feel like it went well so I tried to get myself to stop thinking about it because I was POSITIVE that they didn't want me. I kept thinking about how much I wanted to be able to move to the city and have a new start but I also reminded myself that I have a great job and I work with great people and I can go to school and figure things out. By Thursday I had practically forgotten that the opportunity had existed at all until I got a phone call. I didn't answer because I had a feeling it was the person I interviewed with and I wanted him to just leave me a message telling me that I didn't get it. I'm all about avoidance. :) I was a bit shocked when the message said "Hey, give me a call..." By 10am I had accepted the job offer and by Thursday night everything was clicking.

I'm sure it has happened to everyone, that moment when you think about the previous weeks (or months or years) and the light bulb flicks on and it seems to make sense. It's known as an "Ah ha moment" for a good reason. I won't go into all of the things that now make sense for me but I will say that it makes sense and there is a plan.

So, in 2 weeks I will begin working near the city and in a few months after my housing contract is up I will be moving there. I am grateful it isn't happening all at once (Gradual change is better for me :) But more than anything I'm grateful that this is happening at all. I look forward to a job that will be a challenge for me and will hopefully help me to grow even more. I look forward to moving out of the county that has been my home for almost 9 years. I'm nervous about all of it but how will I ever grow if I don't do things that challenge me? I don't know what is in store for me in the coming months and years but I do know, without a doubt, that there is a plan for my life and it has been laid out by someone much more wise than I will ever be. My knowledge that I have a Heavenly Father that knows me, really really knows ME is growing more and more every day. It's true for everyone and that fills my heart with joy and gratitude. I have been given so much and I'm going to do everything in my power to make sure I am worthy of those blessings.

Today...

I feel really grateful. It's been kind of an up and down week but I am coming out on top. A conversation I had last week kind of sent me into a tailspin of emotion and instead of hiding in my dark place and staying there I've fought to see the good in my life. It's something I should always do but I'm weak and I don't. Anyway, that's not the point. The point is that I'm grateful and I want the world to know it!

I bet you're dying to know what I'm grateful for...

*Prayer. I have felt the power of prayer so strongly this week. I've felt answers to my prayers come and I have felt strength from the prayers of the people that know that I'm a bit of a basket case this week.

*Beautiful spring days. Although I know that spring in Utah is crazy and all over the place I can't help but be filled with happiness about the sunshine and warmth. I don't have any windows in the front office where I work but it still feels lighter.

*The sun coming up when I leave for work at 6:35am. No more dark mornings for a few months! Hurrah!

*My sister. She's great, seriously. And her kids. Being at their house makes me happier than I can express. The good chats, and those cute smiles and little snuggles from Austin & Emily warm my heart.

*Lora, Rachel & Chris. This list could go on forever if I listed all of the friends that I am grateful for but this week I am especially grateful for these 3. (As I am pretty much always...) Lora helped to keep me distracted from my brain that wouldn't stop and also let me talk talk talk and cry as much as I needed. Not to mention the weekly lunches that are seriously as good as (if not better than) therapy. Rachel, who always knows when I need to hear from her, always listens, always makes me laugh and who understands the inner workings of my brain with little or no explanation. And Chris, who listens to me cry even when he has had a bad day too, makes time to hang out even when he isn't feeling especially social (I always leave feeling happier than I did when I got there, it's kind of a talent that he has), gives me fantastic advice, knows much of what I'm feeling just because he knows me that well (kind of scary), and makes me laugh on a very regular basis (Diddly Wack Mack Mormon Daddy?).

*Random chats on google, MSN & facebook with people that I love. The chats brighten my day and help me to miss my friends less. (Hi Corinnie, Ames & Jeanne! <3) style="font-style: italic;">not grateful that I miss them so much. :)

*Have I mentioned sunshine yet?

*Plans for a belated birthday dinner with my friend Andrea tonight.

*Having plans for the weekend with friends from my ward. Can you believe it?! Elf/Christmas in April party on Friday night and a New Moon party on Saturday (don't worry we will be watching the rifftrax version...muuuch better that way. I bet I won't even fall asleep)

*Cafe Rio & American Idol with my roommate.

*My home teachers. They're fantastic! I feel like they actually care about me and aren't just coming to fulfill a duty.

*Purpley blue shirts like the one I'm wearing today.

*Being able to see all of the good in my life even when I physically ache for something different. (I can probably count on one hand the number of times I have felt a physical ache because of a desire for more...it doesn't happen often but when it happened recently I was immediately able to see that my life is great right now too. Live in the moment& stop wishing for more Beth!!)

Ok I'll stop there ...I know this was probably one of those cheesy "did she really just do that?" kind of posts but...who am I trying to impress?!

Oh and here is a picture of one of my favorite little smiles.

Random thoughts...

*I listen to Pandora once in awhile and I always love when I choose a station and it is perfect. It plays tons of music that I love. One of the main reasons I love it is because it makes me feel validated. I've been teased many times when making quizzes about how well people know me that it should actually be called "How well do you know Beth today". This has made me think that perhaps I don't know myself very well or perhaps I'm not very passionate about things. So, when I chose the Ingrid Michaelson station on Pandora and a bunch of artists that I love and listen to regularly were also on that station I felt like maybe I know one thing for sure about myself. I know the kind of music I like and Pandora is the validation I need that I do, in fact, have a style of music that I enjoy the best. Whew, that was harder to explain than I expected.

*This goes along with part of the last point that I made. A few months ago my lovely former roommate Kiely came to visit. We went to The Chocolate with Laura and then I drove Kiely home afterwards. We ended up talking in the car for a long time and we discussed many deep things which is what we tend to do when we are together. One of the things I told her was that I am afraid that I don't know myself very well. I feel like I've been in a fog for years so it makes me wonder if I've missed out on a large part of the growing up process. I'm not sure if that is necessarily the case but I've started paying closer attention to the things I do and do not like. Kiely and I also decided we would share things with each other when we figured something out that we knew for sure we liked or didn't like. Here are a few of mine: I like the color red, I like green bananas, I love rice, it is very important to me that my clothes smell fresh etc. Random? Yes, but they are things that I am sure about.

*We all have pet peeves, want to hear some of mine? I knew it. Gum chompers/snappers/poppers. I can't stand it. I think it's obnoxious and completely unnecessary. I'm sorry if you are one of them, don't worry I won't tell you if you are. I'm pretty good at ignoring it most of the time. Another is when someone asks me a question and then very clearly doesn't listen to the answer. I'm not talking about "What's up?" (which is another pet peeve) but something that very clearly is looking for a response. I hate when I'm half way through the answer and realize the person isn't listening. The best part is when you stop dead in the middle of the answer and never finish and they don't notice. I won't be offended if they don't ask the question so please don't do me any favors! (I only complain about this here because I know that the person that does this the most won't be reading this.)

*Another thing that I have been wanting to blog about for a long time is respect, specifically respect from guys. I have been thinking about this for months but it isn't enough alone so it is perfect for a random thoughts post. I have to say that in my life I have been surrounded by the most respectful guys. I've had some opportunities to watch guys that I am not friends with and see their actions and it has made me so grateful for the respect that I have received. Not only in the way I am spoken to but in the way I am treated. I know for a fact that if I was ever carrying a lot of stuff (or even a little) and one of my pals saw me they would help me carry it or at least open a door for me. I know that they would never speak of inappropriate things in my presence, not because they don't think I can handle it but because they respect me. I also know that they are that way with all women because they respect them and for that I am grateful. I'm grateful that my first experience (on a regular basis) with disrespectful guys is as an outsider watching it happen. I'm glad that I know that I can demand respect because there are people that will give it. That isn't the most complete thought but there it is!

*My elbow hurts. It has been hurting ever since my car accident but seriously, how did I hurt my elbow?! It wasn't that hard of an impact and the only thing I can think is that I held tight to the steering wheel and locked my arms when I was trying to stop when the girl hit me but I really don't see how my elbow could be hurting from it. I can still bend it but there are times when it hurts pretty bad (mostly when I'm sleeping). I'm sure it will go away, all of the other aches and pains I had have slowly gotten better. But c'mon, that's just random right?

Thanks for reading friends. I hadn't blogged in so long but I kept thinking of random things I wanted to express and this was the best way I could think to do it. :)