Loss

I've been thinking the last two weeks about growing up.  I remember a friend of mine telling me almost every time he saw me (usually about once a year or less) that I had really grown up.  I always thought it was a funny thing to hear from someone my own age but it also always made me happy because that meant that all of the work I had been doing was paying off. 

Over the last two weeks I have had that same thought about myself, "You've really grown up."  I've had what some are calling 3 big blows in the last two weeks.  On a Friday I found out that my sister and her family would be moving out of state, which although it is great news for them and I am thrilled for them, it left me feeling a great deal of loss and sadness and loneliness.  The very next day a long time close friend chose to end our friendship.  Again, I felt a great loss and loneliness.  After that horrible weekend filled with tears and heartache Monday came and I got up and went to work.  About a week later one of my favorite clients passed away unexpectedly.  Although he is happier and healthier the feeling of loss was (and is) great. 

Now, I don't recount all of these things to make you feel sorry for me.  I share them because I am happy to say that the Beth today got up and kept going the next day.  The Beth of a few years ago probably would have hunkered down in bed and hid from the world.  I think that with any loss or heartache you are bound to feel emotion but I have taken strength in my emotion.  I apologize to any of you that have had the good fortune of seeing me break down in tears in the middle of a conversation.  I apologize to the people on the road that have had to see my ugly cry several times in the last week (it seems that all of that thinking while driving leads to crying).  But I am proud of myself.  I'm proud of myself for embracing the emotions, for feeling the emotions and not seeing that as weakness.  And I'm proud of myself for getting out of bed and facing each new day even if I feel a little sad. 

One last thing,  since losing my client last Tuesday I have felt more and more grateful for my job.  Except for about 2 or 3 months where things were a little rough because of changes happening I have loved all aspects of my job.  I love getting up each day and going to work.  I love the variety of things that I get to do.  I love that every day is different.  I love being insanely busy and sometimes wish I had more hours to get things done.  It isn't always easy to be that busy but I really would choose it over the alternative.  But most of all I love the people.  I love the clients that I have the opportunity to support and I love the staff that support the clients every day.  My clients are some of the best people in the world and the people that work with them are right up there too.  I was reminded of this at the funeral on Saturday.  So many people came, people that work there currently and people that don't.  And they all loved this client.  It made me love them all more.  And it made me love our little guy more too.  (As if that is possible...)  Our little buddy taught us how to have nonstop joy during his life here.  Even if he was wrestling with you or picking on someone we would all just love him more because he made such a cute facial expression or noise while doing it.  Even when he felt great pain or was very sick he always had a happy countenance.  People were drawn to him and loved him deeply.  I miss him a whole lot, going to his house is going to be tough for the next little while but he is happy and whole.  He doesn't have limitations and I'm sure he is touching lives still.

There aren't many professions where you can meet such amazing people or feel such a sense of love and family because everyone is passionate about what they are doing and everyone knows that their little daily acts make a difference. I couldn't be more grateful for this opportunity and I hope I can continue to learn and grow with the help of those I interact with every day.  I feel passionate about what I do and that is a fantastic feeling.