Sooo. My sister is preggers. Yeah, I've known for awhile but it has been kind of a sensitive topic after her miscarriage so it has just been family information for the last few months. But alas, she went to the doctor and got to hear the baby heartbeat. How tender is that?! I'm going to be an Auntie! Auntie Bess...that's me. I'm really so excited. My sister is going to be such a great mom and I am going to be SUCH a great Aunt! heh heh. So now we're allowed to start picking up baby clothes and not just looking from afar while pretending that we aren't looking and we're allowed to talk plans because it is no longer a 1 in 4 chance of miscarriage and we all feel a little safer. My sister is so strong and she made it through her miscarriage so well and sometimes I think she dealt better then I did...what's new really. Anyway that is the big huge superbly SO GOOD news. My sister is pregnant.
Now everything else. I had an incredible President's Day weekend. Friday night the roommates and adopted roomie Laura went to the big city for a night away from our suffocating town. We stayed in a fancy shmancy hotel and ate lots of food and stayed up all night. My friend Chris came and joined us and ended up getting a room at the hotel so he got to hang out with us all night and it was so fun. He's one of us now. It's official. He survived a girls night a long tiring girls night and we're proud. I felt so refreshed (and with only 3 hours of sleep!) and never wanted to leave. It's kind of funny that I wasn't even gone 24 hours and I wasn't even an hour from home and yet it was so nice. The weather was beautiful we got to walk in the city to go to dinner (which I love doing...I LOVE walking in cities.) and we ran all around the hotel all night had elevator races and didn't even get kicked out. Even though we were threatened when a joke was made about having a pillow fight with feather pillows. Did you know they'll charge you an extra $150 if you do that? Yeah, they told us...even though we weren't going to follow through it was good information to have..ya know just in case the sparkling cider got to us. Anyway it was really fun and I think it was kind of a healing trip in a way. Roommate Amy and I are on the mend. We were best friends for a long time before we...how do you say..."broke up" I guess. And then I was really hurt and had to take some time but lately things have changed for me and that has helped our friendship immensely. On the drive home we ended up talking and we really talked. We discussed what happened and what has happened since we kind of gave up on the friendship. It was a really good talk and things felt so much better afterwards. I still have a few things holding me back but that is me having walls. I never used to have walls now I have tons of walls. Life will do that to ya I guess. Anyway, we fixed things and it's really good. I also feel like things changed with my friendship with Chris. He's one of those friends I have always known would be there but we didn't talk a ton. I think I tend to take him for granted and I'm not proud of that but it's something I am working on. We've been friends for a few years now with a short break in the middle while he was on his mish and I was failing as a friend and not writing him letters. But he found me when he got home (helps that I hadn't moved...see people no change for me) and we have been best friends since then. This kid has the biggest heart of anyone I know. A lot of times caring about people so much is looked at as a negative thing (boy do I know!) but I think it is a huge gift and I'm really grateful to have someone like that in my life. I always know he's there and I am eternally grateful for that. After our so fun girls night we've been "Gchatting" and it's refreshing. Gchat...bringing friends together. I tell ya. Anyway I just know that I'm really blessed to have him as a friend. He gets me and lately that's kind of rare. Anyway, the rest of the weekend wasn't very eventful. Church was especially inspiring on Sunday and I left wanting to be better. I have made it a point to try a little harder spiritually this week. I really put a lot of heart into my scripture study and prayers and after a really inspiring RS lesson on Sunday I set some other goals that I have kept also. It has resulted in a really good week and a lot of clarity in my mind. I've been kind of going back and forth with a decision I am trying to make lately and this week has brought me to a new realization. I have a tendency to make a decision and then think about it so much that I talk myself out of it. One thing I want so badly this year is to stop being so careful and to stop holding myself back out of fear. So as I have thought about a discussion I had with my Bishop before Christmas and have gone back and forth on where to go with this decision I finally came to a conclusion this week. I'm not perfect but it's going to be a long time before I can be. I am trying and my life is in a place now that it hasn't been in a long time. I have felt really truly strong for almost a year now and that is new to me and I know it has happened for a reason. So, I'm going to do it. "it" isn't something I want to post publicly but the person I am becoming is something I want to put into words so I'm probably doing this more for myself then anything.
I think I have posted about this before, but my friend Tom has a habit (and by habit I mean more then once but not everytime we see each other, he's not a freak.) of telling me after some time apart, that I have grown up. I always love hearing it, as I'm sure most people would, we like progress and to hear that someone you are close to sees that progress feels good. The times he said that I never really felt like I had changed or grown up that much but right now, wow right now I feel like I have grown up. I think everyone has that moment when you realize that you are a grown up sooo what am I waiting for? I had it and I went with it. It has made me think about my job a lot because ya know, grown ups work...I work...I'm a grown up...but am I doing what I want to do forever? No. no no no no no no no. That is something I know for sure. I want to do something that will touch lives and as much as they try to convince me (and they have) editing the yellow pages does not touch lives. I had to get out of that mindset though. I work with some incredible people. We're like a little family and those people have changed me and I think we have all grown to really care for each other. I think that having a job where I feel appreciated and that I feel like I am remotely good at isn't such a bad job to have. My newest project at work is to write a training manual. Let's be honest...have I ever thought I knew how to do something well enough to write a training manual on it? Big big no. But here I am. They trust me and believe that I do my job well enough that writing that manual is something I am capable of. I always thought that this job would be the kind of thing that held me back. Once you learn how to do the job there isn't much progress you can make but I have seen myself grow so much over the last two years. So, for now I am going to stick with it. I don't mind getting up in the morning to go to work and that right there is a sign. So there we have it. My life still isn't easy, but it feels do-able and knowing I'm not in it alone is making all the difference. Yeah, wow I'm pretty blessed.
PS I still make fun of people that say So Good...but I also still say it once in awhile. Call me a hypocrite, see if I care.
Oh and here is my favorite picture from the weekend.
1 comment:
It's kind of a lot to comment on all of it in one post. But I will comment on the end part. I think it is awesome that you have a great job you enjoy going to, even if it isn't what you want to do for the rest of your life. People is what it is all about, and if you work with really great people and you enjoy your work, that is something a lot of people don't have. Despite what you might say in return, you have always been a person who was willing to allow anyone into your circle. I see fewer ways of affecting people than doing that. You love people, even when you don't want to, and I love that about you. One last thing too, don't give up on your dreams. Push through until you get them, but also be open to the many different roads there are to your dreams. K, enough josh blabbin. You are Soooo Goood! ;)
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