So good & holding on.

I mock people for saying "so good" in response to a number of different questions. "How are you?" "So good." "How was the movie?" "So good!" "How do I look?" "So good!" etc...there are many different situations and most of the time it's because of the way it was said but I officially am not allowed to mock anymore...because I said it. And meant it. Don't worry after I said it I thought in my head "soo good, soooooo good...so good." As I always say in response to someone saying "so good." But I said it. My Rach asked me how my day was and I said "so good" It was just a normal day got up early went to work etc. But I felt happy. Nothing out of the ordinary happened but I was happy and I thought that was worth sharing. It's still new to me, this constant feeling of peace even when things aren't all that peaceful around me so I have to keep pinching myself to make sure it's real I guess. Anyway, enough of the so good talk.

Today was a fantastic day. I think everyone has a person or a few people that they feel they can be themselves around no matter what. I know I do and I was reminded of that today because I spent time with a large number of those people today. Crackers birthday was yesterday so for her birthday celebration a bunch of the girls from the good old days went to Ihop for breakfast. There were only a few of us but it was so fun. I loved sitting back and watching everyone interact and I loved seeing how comfortable we are with each other. We just fit. When we were leaving I think we all felt a little sad for it to end. It's not often that you are with a group of people that you can just sit back and breathe with. Or you can just watch or listen and still feel involved. So as we stood in the lobby of Ihop and hugged and said our goodbyes we all agreed to do it again and I really hope we will. I have kept in touch with all of them individually but all of us being together at once is rare but wonderful. Each of those girls has really been a huge part of my life and making me who I am and I think I will always hold onto them.

After the wonderful breakfast I went to meet Heatherfer and her boyfriend so we could go to the salty city to see our friend Tom. He's visiting for the weekend and we were able to spend a bit of time together. We have been friends since teenagehood and after spending so much time together this past summer we are all really close and comfortable with each other. We went bowling and I totally kicked trash. I rarely break 40 when I bowl but I got a 92 today. Now that's impressive...gosh I'm amazing. :) It was really fun to be together and to again just feel so comfortable. I think we (or at least I) am constantly assessing situations and pondering how it is different from the last time I was with those people or in that situation and I found myself doing that again today. By the end of last summer I felt pretty comfortable I had gotten past the thoughts of "oh they are just spending time with me because we grew up together and they have to" and the feelings of inadequacy and had moved on to comfort but today I felt like me. I felt like Beth and well, as I have said four thousand times before that is different. It's little times like this that I hold onto as a little bit of hope for myself. I see myself growing and changing and I see that it is good. I came home tonight feeling fulfilled. Nothing spectacular happened today but I am learning that not everyday or moment or even every year needs to be spectacular. It's all just a part of making me me. Whatev, that all makes sense in my head and I'm pretty sure I'm the only one that reads this here psycho babble so I'm not going to try to fix it. A few pictures from my day:


The girls















Bowling For Life & Pins (our bowling names for the day)