Best Christmas Ever

Yes, this has been the best Christmas/Christmas break ever. I was able to do everything I wanted to do and even stay at home longer and actually spend Christmas with my family instead of on an airplane! As I walked through the airport yesterday and heard Christmas music playing from the different restaurants my heart literally hurt to think of leaving. When I heard that they were looking for volunteers to leave on the 26th I practically ran up to the desk. When they told me they wouldn't need me to stay and said I had to get on the plane I sobbed. When they apologized for making a mistake and told me they would, in fact, need me to fly out the next day I practically ran back up the ramp to the desk. When they gave me a $400 airline voucher to fly anywhere anytime I want in the next year I officially knew that I am blessed.

I really didn't think it would be hard for me to leave on Christmas. Our big family thing is a few days before Christmas but then I realized I LOVE the low key, hang outey Christmas day at my Aunt & Uncle's house. Saying goodbye to everyone was very difficult. But surprising them when I came back was even better! There were wonderful reactions all around and lots of smiles. Which reminded me, once again, why I love my family so much. I love being somewhere that I feel like I am enough. Where I don't worry that people are going to get angry at me for nothing or judge me because I'm not just like them. I felt complete joy the entire time I was there last night. I loved talking with my cousin Tommy. I've always loved talking to him but he is so grown up now and we have really wonderful conversations! He is a really great kid. I loved hanging out with Jason too, oh ticklish Jason. They are both such kind and loving people and I really enjoy being with them.

As I was leaving last night I gave my Uncle a hug and he said, "See, this is why you go to church! Things like this happen." I couldn't agree more. My prayers were answered yesterday and I had my own little Christmas miracle. Seriously, best Christmas ever.

My whole trip has been fabulous. I had a great time with Jen, Heather & Laura. I loved being in the temple with them and then seeing another friends mom, who we haven't seen in many years, as we walked into the dressing room. Before I even connected in my mind who I was seeing I was completely filled with warmth. When my eyes caught up with my spirit I understood why. It felt wonderful to see sweet Sister Chon in such a special place and while I was with 3 other girls that I grew up with. At that moment I felt like I was exactly in the right place.

I even travelled a little bit! I went to visit my Joanie & her family the day after I got here and it was just as I hoped. I loved talking with Joanie and Joshua, cuddling with her cute cute little boy and receiving shy smiles from her cute cute little girl from across the room. It is always fun to see what your friends are like as parents and Joanie is definitely one of the best. Her kiddos are smart, social, funny and very very loved. They are a great family, thanks for letting me spend a few hours with you! I love you all!
The next day I had a sleepover in PA with my bestie Corinnie! Oh man! I wish we lived closer. I loved just hanging out, making cookies, watching movies & looking at old pictures. I felt completely comfortable in her home. I love that she is married to John, not only because he's a fantastic guy for her but because I knew him during my teenage years and it is always really fun to see him and to feel comfortable because I don't worry if he'll like me or not. I haven't laughed that hard in a long time (oh those pictures corinnie...) and was desperately sad to leave. I wish I could have stayed a few more days.

There is more to come, a few pictures, a few videos and maybe more cheesey cheese about the best Christmas ever. I'm blessed, and now I feel ready to go back to my family in Utah, all of them. Sare, Jerr & Austin, who I really do miss a lot. Especially my sister who allowed me to whine to her and call her often while I have been home because it has been a bit emotionally confusing for me. And back to my friends who are my family that I missed, even after just a few days.

Hummph

Have you ever felt like your radio was mocking you?! Mine does that every now and then. It's like it reads my mind and then plays songs that fit perfectly but that make you think about things you are trying to avoid. At least I got a laugh out of it this time. Silly radio.

She

One time...just ONE TIME. I would like to hear a positive comment when "they" are talking about "she" (that's my new name...). And I would really love to be able to go places that should be safe places without worrying that I'm going to hear something negative being said about me. A person can only stay in their bedroom under the covers for so long.

Sorry, this just hasn't been my day and a girl just needs to vent sometimes.

I wore a coat today.

Just thought you all should know that it finally felt cold enough for a coat today. Actually it was downright freezing today, but it sure did make me happy. Someone (ehem Sassy...) mentioned my lack of blogging since the month long blog-a-thon and so I decided to bless your lives with yet another....

Little known facts about BETH: Christmas Edition!

I know, I know you've been dying to hear more. So here it is...

-I am discovering that I have a mild obsession with the song "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas". I have many different versions and I love to listen to it over and over. Of the Christmas songs that focus more on the traditions of the season it is definitely my favorite.

-If I am driving when it starts to snow I always go and sit in my car by the temple and watch the snow fall in front of the temple before I go home. It became a personal tradition without really thinking about it.

-I love coming up with gifts for the people I love. It becomes a challenge to myself. I am always trying to come up with the perfect gift for that person. I think I am always more excited about the gift then the person receiving it is. This year I am spending less money and it has been fun for me to come up with meaningful gifts that don't cost a lot. When I look at the gifts I have purchased so far I can say, without a doubt, that I purchased each one after much thought and although inexpensive or simple I purchased it with that person in mind specifically.

-I hate wrapping Christmas presents. I always want them to be beautiful and they never are. That frustrates me.

-Although ridiculously expensive, I love Hallmark cards with sound and I feel they are worth every penny. I've seen two that I absolutely fell in love with, one I already bought for someone so I won't describe it, but the other has Linus on the front and when you open it you hear Linus explaining what Christmas really is all about. I love it.



-I really really love James Taylor's Christmas album and I am not ashamed in the least.

-Up until tonight I have slept with my window open every night. It's finally too cold for that. Although I will miss that glorious moment that I have had so many years in the past when I wake up and know it snowed because my window is open and I can smell the freshness. Call me crazy but I love that feeling.

-I prefer soft lighting. This is the case year round but comes out in force around Christmas. I would rather turn on a few small lamps then use a harsh overhead light. Perhaps this explains my obsession with lamps...and it all comes together.

-I almost bought one of those DVD's of a crackling fireplace tonight. I still might go back and get it...how relaxing would that be. Fireplace won't work? Next best thing...

"Oh, it is wonderful to know that our Heavenly Father loves us—even with all our flaws! His love is such that even should we give up on ourselves, He never will.

We see ourselves in terms of yesterday and today. Our Heavenly Father sees us in terms of forever. Although we might settle for less, Heavenly Father won’t, for He sees us as the glorious beings we are capable of becoming."

As my own little memorial to Elder Wirthlin, who passed away last night, I decided to read my favorite talk that he gave "The Great Commandment". The quote above is from that talk. Every time I read the talks from conference I feel a little stronger and I get something a little different depending on what is happening in my life.

I'm very grateful for Prophets & Apostles that speak truth with love and kindness in their hearts. I know that the words they speak are for a reason and today I was reminded of that as I read Elder Wirthlin's talk. I needed to be reminded that my Heavenly Father has a plan for me and He knows what I can become. Perhaps deep down that is something I know. That would explain why, in the moments of loneliness & sadness I have experienced this week I felt I could only turn to Him. He will always be there and will see past my flaws, my insecurities, weaknesses etc.