Today was weird, I'll be honest. It isn't quite over yet so maybe it will continue to be weird but who knows! I had a moment today where I realized that the way I was acting was ridiculous and embarrassing and I couldn't believe I was being such a child. I have those moments once in awhile but I usually justify it but today I realized I hated the way I felt. I felt horrible for being a brat and so I did something about it. I couldn't believe what a difference it made. What happened was so small and unimportant and quite possibly would have been forgotten by tomorrow but I didn't want to feel crappy and I really wanted to apologize so I did. I kept telling myself, oh you're at work, boss lady treats you like that all the time you don't have to apologize to her for treating her like that, you don't do things like that at work just at home. But I couldn't get it out of my mind so I emailed boss lady and apologized. Usually when boss lady gets mad she stays mad for the rest of the day but the email softened my heart and hers. So, I guess no matter how hard it is to humble myself it's usually a pretty good idea. So what I thought was the beginnings of a terrible horrible no good very bad day became just a normal day.
My job is the type of job that if you don't have music or SOMETHING going on you'll most likely go crazy. I get to the point sometimes where I am sick to death of my music. After listening to the Prairie Home Companion soundtrack about 7 times in a row today I decided it was about time I find something else to listen to. (I hadn't listened to that cd in forever so I wasn't sick of it yet like I am with the rest of my music) I decided to listen to the Relief Society session of conference which I have listened to 3 times already at work but I absolutely love it and I am so grateful I can listen to it while I'm doing my mindless work. Feeling uplifted and filled with the spirit at work is something rare but amazing! When I went to the conference center for the session and every time I have listened to it since there has been one part that jumps out at me every time. It is a part that you wouldn't expect. Or at least I wouldn't. Relief Society is amazing and even in conference they make it a little more special and this year they had a video of sisters sharing their testimonies about how they feel the love of the Lord in their lives. It touches me every time but there is one sister in particular that every time I hear it I have to rewind and listen to it again and so I do. Finally today I wrote down what she said. Her comment is so simple but I think it is the way she says it that touches me. She is filled with faith and love for th Lord and she has a light, even just listening to her I can tell how close she is to the Savior. Anyway, this is what she says:
"Obstacles do come but if I have trust and faith in the Lord Jesus Christ and do what I need to do to keep the commandments, whatever happens is the will of the Lord and I will obey."
How amazing is that? Everytime I hear that I just think about it and realize, not only do I need to have faith but I need to do my part. I need to work to keep the commandments and maybe it is the end that touches me the most because it is so hard to remember and so hard to do. Whatever happens is the will of the Lord and I will obey. Wow, that womans faith amazes me. I want to be like that. Anyway, that was a little out of nowhere but I couldn't ignore the way it made me feel.
After work I went and bought the conference issue of the Ensign and I am so excited to read and study it. I'm excited to feel the things I felt during conference again and ponder on them more. I'm about to have a girls night with LH and AV. I'm excited about it because it's the first time we've hung out without the hubby since L got married. Although we love her hubby to death I think it will be fun. It's also the first time to hang out since L got back to Utah that A and I are on better terms then we have been in months. Things are still hard for me because I do feel hurt but things change, often they are less dramatic when they change but hey things happen how they have to I guess. Anyway, it should be fun. If nothing else we're having a Gilmore Girls marathon and really who can complain about that. Hmm, maybe I'll try to go see RT tonight...it's been a month. Okay I'm out.
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