I need to be someone I'm not.

For as long as I can remember I have put everything I have into my relationships. I have always thought this was a good thing, a positive attribute. In some ways I am still all for it and don't completely plan to change but I need to get to a place where I don't feel like I'm giving so much that it hurts when I don't get a lot in return. I know it's not because I'm unimportant to these people. I took the Love Language quiz and found that my love language is quality time. This definitely did not surprise me but knowing that it actually means something explained a lot about my behavior and about why sometimes I don't feel like I matter to people as much as they matter to me. My love language is quality time so I will drive far and wide as often as necessary to be with people that are important to me, even for something little or unimportant. That explains why it hurts when others aren't willing to do the same for me. So, here is the challenge. I need to step back and decide if certain things are worth it. I've had an inner battle for years about whether or not it's good to be so sensitive. I've tried to stop being so sensitive (and as a result stopped feeling all together, I'd rather be sensitive.) and have now chosen to allow myself to be what comes naturally to me in that aspect of life, which is to be sensitive. While I think it's a blessing to be a sensitive person, it also causes heartache, often unnecessary. So I'm not trying to be less sensitive I want to try to choose when it's really worth putting a lot into people or things. There are certain friends that I call because I know if I don't we will just lose touch. But really, is that worth it? Shouldn't I do my best and then leave it up to them? You can only call a person so many times before you start to wonder if they don't call you for a reason. Do I need to drive to the "big" city 3 times a week in order to keep a good friendship with someone there? No, I really don't. Often I want to because I have a lot of fun when I do go but it's not worth it if i'm going to be upset when that friend isn't willing to do the same. In both cases it doesn't mean they don't care about me. It just means we show/feel love in different ways. This is such a mix of thoughts but it's out there. I really needed to vent. :)

Now, on a happier note, I have awesome friends. Yes, we all know that already but I had a blast last night with some of my super happy & super cool friends Brian & Daniel. We helped a friend move and at the end had a photo shoot. Here are a few of my favorites.

Daniel, such a strong guy!









See that big bookshelf? Yeah they moved it all by themselves. So tough! :)


We thugz














Posers!