Spreading a little joy...

In the past week I have read two things that completely filled my soul with joy & I just have to share them with you! Nothing I can say will do this justice so, here it is.

"...let us not justify ourselves in a casual effort. Let us not be content to retain some disposition to do evil. Let us worthily partake of the sacrament each week and continue to draw upon the Holy Spirit to root out the last vestiges of impurity within us. I testify that as you continue in the path of spiritual rebirth, the atoning grace of Jesus Christ will take away your sins and the stain of those sins in you, temptations will lose their appeal, and through Christ you will become holy, as He and our Father are holy." Elder D Todd Christofferson April 2008 Conference

"The gift of the Holy Spirit...quickens all the intellectual faculties, increases, enlarges, expands and purifies all the natural passions and affections, and adapts them, by the gift of wisdom to their lawful use. It inspires, develops, cultivates and matures all the fine toned sympathies, joys, tastes, kindred feelings, and affections of our nature. It inspires virtue, kindness, goodness, tenderness, gentleness and charity. It develops beauty of person, form, and features. It tends to health, vigor, animation and social feeling. It invigorates all the faculties of the physical and intellectual man. It strengthens and gives tone to the nerves. In short, it is, as it were, marrow to the bone, joy to the heart, light to the eyes, music to the ears, and life to the whole being." -Parley P. Pratt (taken from Elder Gerald Lund's book, Hearing the Voice of the Lord;Principles and Patterns of Personal Revelation)

Tagged by Care

How To Play This Game of Tag:

Post these rules on your blog. List: 3 joys, 3 fears, 3 goals, 3 current obsessions/collections, 3 facts about yourself. Tag 5 people at the end of your post by leaving their names. Let them know they are tagged by leaving a comment on their blog!

Joys:
1. My testimony & the gospel. When things aren't the best the gospel is the only thing that can bring me joy.
2. My nephew, so cheesy but so true. Especially when he won't go to anyone else when I'm holding him.
3. Being with people I love (family & friends, making dinner, being spontaneous or just chatting I always feel so light afterwards.

Fears:
1. Being alone, not like "i don't want to be in my bedroom because no one else is" but like living my life & never finding someone that I can be with forever.
2. Speaking in public.
3. Allowing my fears to rule my life.

Goals:
1. Get a Bachelors Degree someday...
2. To love myself the way I am & then make myself better. The first part has to happen first though.
3. Go to Ireland!

Current obsessions:
1. Planning on reading more...not actually getting around to the reading but making a huge list of books.
2. Finding fun things to do outside in the evenings so I can enjoy this amazing summer weather.
3. Boston...yup, still a little obsessed...

Facts:
1. Grilled Cheese, Roast Beef & Scrambled Eggs only taste good when my mom makes them (and Sassy too with the eggs.)
2. I love watching TV shows on DVD.
3. I would do almost anything for the people that I love.

I tag: Marina, Sare, Adele (i think you said you read my blog :), Chris L & Laura S

I'm interested in your thoughts...

Ether 12:27 And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.

I'm interested in your thoughts on fear & insecurity. Both are things I have struggled with a great deal in my life and both are things I have worked very hard to overcome. I have felt lately like I'm in a really good place but I still have things that creep up and hold me back. I experienced something tonight that made me feel so scared and, in turn, made me really insecure because I knew that the people I was with probably didn't understand what my deal was. It was such a contrast from last night, where I spent several hours with 3 people that I feel like I can be COMPLETELY myself around. I left FHE tonight feeling so sick because of the intense anxiety I was feeling and on the drive home couldn't help but think, what more can I do? I've worked hard to be stronger so that fear won't rule my life and yet these silly little things come up and make me feel like I can't take another step forward. So, this is where my question comes in. What are your thoughts? How do you overcome fear? Do you ever come across things in life that make you completely paralyzed with fear? I'd love to hear (read?) your thoughts.

Some old some new

As a fun way to help the sisters in the ward know that they are loved & thought of the RS Presidency had the idea to go "chalking". We got some sidewalk chalk and then went and drew all over the sidewalks of the girls in the ward. Although this was a few months ago it was a really fun activity and I really love some of the pictures so I had to share.

Now, back to the present. Last Friday was a day of much rejoicing! Allison moved back to Utah & Chris Rach and I finally got to hang out with one of our favorite people! It was such a fun/random night and I was so grateful for it! Last week was a hard week at work and I was a grump to everyone I came in contact with except for Friday with these wonderful people. The evening started at a Japanese restaurant that ended up being crazy expensive but still fun. Rach & I shared an appetizer and Chris & Al both got some sushi. (PS I had to use chopsticks to eat my rice because I was too prideful to ask for a fork and lets just say it was an adventure.) After that we went to get dinner #2 at Goodwood. Delicious food!! It was kind of silly and we probably spent just as much as we would have if we just ate at the Japanese restaurant but it makes for fun memories. After dinner(s) Al had to go meet her sisters so Rachel Chris & I decided to go to a Jon Schmidt concert that was just starting only a few blocks away. I loved the spontaneity and I had SO much fun at the concert. Someone *ehem* started a grass fight that continued throughout the evening. (I woke up on Saturday morning with grass on my pillow) It was a fantastic evening that ended in a bit of a sad way but, in general it was a good night. (When we returned to the mall parking lot where Chris & I had left our cars we found that Chris' car had been involved in a hit and run. It made me sick to my stomach when I saw it but if we want a good outlook on it, i'm just glad no one was in the car & no one was hurt. But lets be honest, it still pretty much sucks.)

Rach & I with our teeny tiny $8 appetizer.

Chris & Al at dinner #2

Gorgeous sunset at the Jon Schmidt concert
Rach, Chris & Me at the concert

Saturday was a fun day for me too. I was able to watch my cute little nephew at 6:30am while his Mommy & Daddy went fishing. It was a fun experience and I had a great time spending a few hours with him so I could see all of the fun things he does now. He is growing up so fast and honestly, the kid is just hilarious. I pretty much let him do whatever he wanted (that's what Aunties do right?) and although there was some trauma when he had to go down for a nap it was a perfectly fabulous morning of playing with the best kid in the world. I only took two pictures & one video but I really love the video. Little boys & their cars/cheerios.

Must get ALL cheerios out of cup!!!

Such concentration.

I'm now realizing that it has been a busy week! I had something going on every night this week but I will just update about one more thing. A friend from work (Melissa) was in the musical Footloose at a local outdoor theater & so I invited Al, Rach & Chris to go see it with me and some co-workers. It was so much fun to watch & Melissa did a fabulous job. I have loved all of the fun outdoorsy things I have been able to do this summer. Outdoor concerts, movies and plays are one of the greatest parts about Utah summers and I'm really glad I have been able to take advantage of that this year. I hope to do a lot more of it in the next few months.


Sorry for the crazy long post & billions of pictures! Looks like when my life is eventful I need to post more often. Happy Summer-ing everyone!

Memories....

Okay, I'm a sucker for a good "Remember when..." discussion. I sound like an old woman sometimes when I get together with my friends but seriously, talking about memorable experiences I have had with people always just makes me so grateful for that person.

Care posted this on her blog a few days ago and I just had way too much fun writing a bunch of memories from our many years of friendship that I had to do this on my blog too. I'd love to hear your favorite memory of us!

Here are the directions:

1. As a comment on my blog, leave one memory that you and I had together. It doesn't matter if you knew me a little or a lot, anything you remember!

2. Next, re-post these instructions on your blog and see how many people leave a memory about you. It's actually pretty funny to see the responses. If you leave a memory about me, I'll assume you're playing the game and I'll come to your blog and leave one about you. If you don't want to play on your blog, or if you don't have a blog, I'll leave my memory of you in my comments.


Here are a few (very few) of my favorite memories.

That crazy white trash party.

How many times did we have to set the camera up before we finally got a picture that was centered with all of us smiling?
Co-ed "sleepovers" & story time at Raintree. This is only one example of many.
I wasn't even at this event but the story behind Lori's outfit/makeup is one of my favorites.
A memorable birthday with the cherry blanket that I still absolutely love to this day.
A fabulous reunion with my best friend after too much time apart. My that was a long time ago.
Kicking EVERYONES trash at bowling, oh and spending time with some of my favorites.

My first time being tagged!

What a day! I feel like a real blogger. Marina tagged me, so here goes nothin'!

Scattergories
What is your last name? I'd rather not say, but it starts with a D.
4 Letter Word: Deal
Vehicle: Dodge
Boy Name: Desmond..yeah, that's right, Desmond.
Girl Name: Dagmar (I cheated and looked on a baby names website, it was hilarious)
Pet Name: Dog (for a cat of course)
Occupation: Doorman
Something You Wear: Dress
Celebrity: Dan Akroyd
Food: Milk (rich with vitamin D) i'm really trying to make this fun and be creative here people...
Found in Bathroom: Cabinet Door
Reason for Being Late: Didn't wake up.
Cartoon Character: Donald Duck
Something You Shout: DANG IT! heh...hmm not me personally of course.
Animal: Dolphin
Body Part: Da foot :)
Word to Describe You: doormat (ahh haha i'm kidding i'm kidding!!!)
Something You Like To Do: Discuss Difficult Discussions (Triple word score yeaaah :)
Place You'd Like To Be: Dublin (At this point in my life Ireland or Ohio would be fine.)

Ta daaa! There it is.

I tag: Anyone that feels like doing it. Just let me know if you do!

Boston Day 2 You thought I gave up didn't you?

Alright, I'm still doing the Boston thing. I'm mostly doing this for myself as a journal so skip on past this one if it bores you or you've already heard it all.

Day 2

What a day this was. Probably my least favorite day of the trip because we were soo tired from all of the walking on Saturday and because we got insanely lost several times. Sunday morning we decided to go to Cambridge for church. I wanted to see what the singles ward was like just in case I someday decide to move to Boston ya know? We got a little bit of a late start and then we got horribly lost. After much stress, much frustration and a few moments close to tears we made it to the church. We were late but we made it. The chapel was completely full so Corinne and I sat in the foyer (we later found out there was a balcony that had space, we loved the balcony when we looked at it later though.) After Sacrament meeting we waited around and talked with Bre a little bit then we changed into regular clothes so we could go wander around Cambridge in comfort. Bre helped us find Tom & then a place to eat and then we said goodbye to her. We had a nice lunch (by nice I mean the company, the food was kind of terrible) and then Tom had to go meet some friends that he was driving back to New York with. It was a quick trip but I'm really glad he came. I love spending time with Tom so much. It was probably good that he left when he did because we were going to run out of things to do quickly at the rate we were seeing things with Tom. After we said bye to Tom, Corinne & I headed off to Havahd! We were so excited to see the Ivy Leagues & I was just excited to see things I had seen on Gilmore Girls, I know I know I'm a nerd. Harvard was beautiful, green & filled with smart people (or so we assumed)

Not sure what building this is but I loved it.

The Ivy covered walls of the Ivy League
Now that's just funny.
I could handle living in this kind of on campus housing.

Our visit to Harvard was short because our feet were killing us. Neither of us had worn very good shoes for the amount of walking we did on Saturday and then we both made the mistake of wearing those same shoes on Sunday so after our walk around Harvard & Harvard Square we decided to head back to the church, get some water & then drive into Boston. Here is a picture of what I lovingly call "those cursed bricks" Do you know how badly those hurt your feet when you are wearing flip flops that are almost completely worn through?

Rin's poor blistered feet and my poor flip flop feet on the cursed bricks

We got lost once again as we drove back to Boston. We thought we were doing okay and then we saw a bridge, which was a big deal because we searched forever for the bridge to get into Cambridge so finding it quite quickly when we left the city was exciting. Exciting, that is, until we were half way across the bridge (and we had proceeded to scream "THE BRIDGE! WE FOUND THE BRIDGE!!!!! and clap a whole bunch) and realized we were on a different bridge. That was discouraging and incredibly hilarious to us. We laughed long and hard about that one. We drove around the city and eventually got to Boston Common where we planned to lay in some grass and chat until we realized parking was crazy expensive and it was about to rain. We were so tired and so achy that we just decided to go to the hotel for the night. We stopped at Target and I bought some new flip flops (nice strong thick soled flip flops!) and then we went to the hotel and played Skip Bo while watching Take The Lead on TV & eating left over italian food with our fingers.

Yes, the food was good enough to resort to such desperate measures.

The lovely left over Chicken Parm

I must say, if a day like this one, which was actually pretty fun and full of memories was the worst of my trip that is really saying something.

Here are a few random pictures from that day.

This sign was across the street from the LDS Church we went to, it filled me with joy. (And yes I know it's for a Quaker church.)

Quite possibly the coolest LDS church I have ever seen. It was so old that the floors creaked and I love that!

I have always wanted to live in a circular room, now I know where to go for that.

4th of July!

One of my friends loves my blogs SO much that they specifically asked for a blog about the 4th. I was getting there, I promise.

Since moving to Utah the 4th has become one of my favorite holidays for two reasons, the first is fireworks, I love them and enjoy them sooo much more when it's not humid and I'm not being eaten by bugs while trying to watch them. The second is a tradition that has come about with my 136th ward friends. While we were in the ward the Chrystlers had us over for the 4th every year. They have a great view of the stadium so we could see the fireworks without having to be right on top of everything. They would have a barbecue for us and everyone would just hang out for hours. They also would buy a huge box of fireworks and some of the guys would set them off, sometimes to the point that they're more impressive then the real fireworks. After we left the ward we started to invite ourselves over and has stayed a tradition of ours. We missed last year and I must say my 4th was incredibly uneventful.

This year was a little different, less people & some renovations on the house made it so we couldn't watch fireworks from the hill but it was still fabulous. I had a great time seeing old friends, including our old Bishop & his wife who are like family to me. We had a delicious cook out followed by chatting and then Sidewalk of Fire!! Yeaaah! Ben & I went in together and bought a big box of fireworks and it was so fun watching him light them all. I must say, it just wasn't the same without BJ & Emmy, BJ always helped Ben light the fireworks & watching them was often more fun then the fireworks. BJ & Emmy live on the east coast now and we miss them. Here are some pictures of the fireworks.I really love getting together with my 136th ward friends & their significant others and I am grateful for the love & friendship we share. I know I could call on any one of those people if I needed help and they would be there in an instant. In that way, they are like family, and I feel truly blessed to know I have that even when I'm away from most of my own family.

After Sidewalk of Fire we chatted until the Stadium of Fire fireworks started. They were really good this year and we still had a really good view from the Chrystlers driveway. Overall it was a fabulous 4th of July. If I ever leave this town I think this is one of the things I will miss the most.

I MUST go to this...

BOYZ II MEN IN CONCERT

• Showing:
  Thu August 28, 2008
• Times:
  Thu showtime(s) at 8:00PM
  
• Prices:
  GENERAL ADMISSION: $15 Adult, $10 Child/Senior/Student RESERVED SECTION B: $20 Adult, $15 Child/Senior/Student RESERVED SECTION A: $25 Adult, $20 Child/Senior/Student RESERVED FLOOR: $30 Adult, $25 Child/Senior/Student CHILD-(age 3-11), SENIOR-(age 65+), STUDENT-(w/ID)

The fact that I have a Boyz II Men song on my blog playlist is proof that I MUST go to this concert. I was such a huge fan of these guys growing up, I seriously can't even express it. My sister knows though, she can tell you. First tape I owned? Boyz II Men. First CD I owned? Boyz II Men. That's right, I must go...who is coming with me? Anyone? Please?

Fun night and a dream come true...sorta

Last night I went to AF to hang out with Chris. We had originally planned on going to see Hancock but by the time we got into the theater there were only seats right in the front and I would have spent the whole movie feeling sick...such a pansy with the motion sickness. The nice people at Cinemark gave Chris some passes to replace the tickets we didn't use and then we set out to find something to do. We started out at Target, which is where a dream sorta kinda a little bit came true...okay pretty much not at all but it was still fun! We found this keyboard in the electronics section that lights up the keys you are supposed to press to play any number of well known (and not so well known) songs. Chris started out playing it and I kind of hesitated because I didn't want to mess up. Yeah, I'm a nerd. I've never played a piano and so I thought I would look dumb trying to figure out which fingers to use and possibly hitting the wrong keys. I watched Chris for awhile, picking songs and listening to him play and then I finally went for it and it was so fun. Right as I started playing I realized that it didn't matter which key you hit, it would still play the correct note which kind of took away from the fun of it all, but not too much. Now I want one so badly!! And my desire to learn out to play the piano is even greater...dang Target! Anyone want to teach me how to play the piano?!

After Target we went to Walmart and decided it would be fun to buy some fireworks and set them off somewhere close by. After we bought them we drove around and ended up pretty close to my sisters house so we called and invited Sare & Jerr to join us for some pyro-technics. Jerr was too tired but my awesome sister came and played with us. It was pretty fun, even though we had some issues with fire, wind & a crappy lighter. We were able to set off all of the fireworks we bought and had fun doing it! It was fun to hang out with my sister too. It's been a really long time since I have spent time with her without Jerr and/or Austin. Not that that's a bad thing, of course. I love Jerr & Austin but it's really fun to just spend time with my cute sister. Thanks Sare for humoring us crazy single kids with nothing better to do on a Thursday night at 10:45!! Overall it was a really fabulous night and I think we were able to have more fun actually interacting and doing fun things rather then watching a movie then going home right after. What a great day! And Happy Fourth of July everyone!!

In honor of hanging out with my sister last night and in honor of the 3rd anniversary of when she got engaged (3 years and 2 days ago..) here is a picture of us wearing goofy hats at her bridal shower.

Gotta love the skunk hat I'm wearing & the dew rag/veil combo of Sarah's..ghetto superstars

Happy 5 year "I didn't die-iversary"

Yeah, that's right, if my calculations are correct it is 5 years today that I didn't die. Many of you know the story, most of you were around for the events that led up to my near death-ness so an explanation of the events is unnecessary. I am blessed and I am greatly aware of that fact. Apparently I still have things to do in this life, which I believe, is what kept me here. It doesn't matter if the doctor told my family to be prepared because it didn't look good, with a lot of strength that came from a source other then myself I beat those odds. It took me a long time to fight off the depression & anxiety that came with my recovery but I'm glad I didn't let it rule my life forever because I have so many opportunities that I wouldn't want to miss out on because I was too scared. My hair is back to normal, I feel happy more often then I feel sad, I haven't had arthritis pain or hives in years, I can speak in front of people with out passing out or vomiting (although I still feel like I might on most occasions), and I'm overall a stronger person because of those experiences & feel I am more able to understand & help others when they struggle with similar feelings. The months & years that followed my hospital stay were not easy ones but I would do it all over again.

Enough of that deep talk, lets move on to my shallow side. Today I realized that my only two pairs of jeans have holes in them. I started searching around on the internet trying to find some new ones that I like, it's always a painfully long process. (you'd think I would start it before my jeans became holey.) In my random wanderings I found a pair of jeans that I absolutely love and, as I often do, found myself on zappos.com drooling over shoes that I can't afford. And so, here are pictures of the things I wish I was rich/frivolous enough to buy.

$100 jeans...anyone want to convince me they're worth it? Please?

Cute red shoes that match nothing I own but would still have a happy home with me.

"One of the oldest human needs is having someone to wonder where you are when you don't come home at night." -Margaret Mead

There are so many things about being single that I really enjoy. I can move whenever & wherever I want and not worry about it affecting a whole family, I can travel or go on crazy little day/weekend trips, skip grocery shopping and only eat pancakes for a week...etc etc etc. I can be selfish and come home, curl up in my bed and sleep for 2 1/2 hours. But with all of that there is that human need to be remembered, to be important to someone, to be thought of without thinking of someone else first. I have great people in my life that, on a daily basis, think of me and call me and show their love for me but there are times when that doesn't feel like enough. The last few weeks I haven't felt especially strong. I'm not depressed, I'm just not happy (and so help me, if my family members are reading this and they panic and call me I will hang up on you...PLEASE don't panic.) In these weeks where I have felt especially weak I have also been called upon by some of my good friends that needed me. I love helping people and being there for them so of course I listened, I tried to give advice, I cried with them and then I prayed and prayed for strength to be what Heavenly Father needed me to be for them and then prayed that they could feel strength from Him as well. Those friends are feeling a little better now and don't need my strength as much so my weakness is back, in some ways I feel stronger because I felt my prayers being answered through a sustaining power. And yet, I'm still human, so I'm still weak.

For a few days I have been trying to get in touch with a friend that I felt would understand what I am feeling and would let me talk as much as I needed and then fill in the rest from her experience but haven't been able to get in touch with her. I tried one last time last night and wasn't able to talk to her before she left for a trip. Today was a hard day, I was cranky to everyone, I cried at work and I just felt very alone. I wanted someone to just know what I needed because I didn't have the strength to explain. When I came home I talked to Chris and as always, he was a fabulous friend to me & listened to my confused babble but it just wasn't working. I then fell into a deep 2 1/2 hour sleep where I ignored phone calls and the time and just slept. Right after I woke up my phone rang and it was a friend that I used to work with. We got to be really close when we were working together & found that we really get each other so talking every few months is totally fine and we always know we can call on the other if necessary. When I answered the phone Cassie told me that she was driving and she thought of me and wanted to see how I was. We talked for awhile, she let me unload and I hung up the phone feeling on top of the world. Someone remembered me, someone knew that I needed a friend and she followed that prompting. I called Chris and he told me that I sounded much happier. I told him Cass had called me and then I cried for the first 5 minutes of my conversation with him (bet you didn't know that did ya Chris? I'm sneaky...) I am blessed. I'm silly and petty and childish sometimes and I sometimes just need to know that someone cares about me which could make me seem even more silly petty & childish but it's something I struggle with.

I love the quote I posted at the top by Margaret Mead. The idea of the quote describes exactly what I felt tonight and it makes me feel a little more normal knowing that someone else feels that way as well.

I'd rather be here...