"One of the oldest human needs is having someone to wonder where you are when you don't come home at night." -Margaret Mead

There are so many things about being single that I really enjoy. I can move whenever & wherever I want and not worry about it affecting a whole family, I can travel or go on crazy little day/weekend trips, skip grocery shopping and only eat pancakes for a week...etc etc etc. I can be selfish and come home, curl up in my bed and sleep for 2 1/2 hours. But with all of that there is that human need to be remembered, to be important to someone, to be thought of without thinking of someone else first. I have great people in my life that, on a daily basis, think of me and call me and show their love for me but there are times when that doesn't feel like enough. The last few weeks I haven't felt especially strong. I'm not depressed, I'm just not happy (and so help me, if my family members are reading this and they panic and call me I will hang up on you...PLEASE don't panic.) In these weeks where I have felt especially weak I have also been called upon by some of my good friends that needed me. I love helping people and being there for them so of course I listened, I tried to give advice, I cried with them and then I prayed and prayed for strength to be what Heavenly Father needed me to be for them and then prayed that they could feel strength from Him as well. Those friends are feeling a little better now and don't need my strength as much so my weakness is back, in some ways I feel stronger because I felt my prayers being answered through a sustaining power. And yet, I'm still human, so I'm still weak.

For a few days I have been trying to get in touch with a friend that I felt would understand what I am feeling and would let me talk as much as I needed and then fill in the rest from her experience but haven't been able to get in touch with her. I tried one last time last night and wasn't able to talk to her before she left for a trip. Today was a hard day, I was cranky to everyone, I cried at work and I just felt very alone. I wanted someone to just know what I needed because I didn't have the strength to explain. When I came home I talked to Chris and as always, he was a fabulous friend to me & listened to my confused babble but it just wasn't working. I then fell into a deep 2 1/2 hour sleep where I ignored phone calls and the time and just slept. Right after I woke up my phone rang and it was a friend that I used to work with. We got to be really close when we were working together & found that we really get each other so talking every few months is totally fine and we always know we can call on the other if necessary. When I answered the phone Cassie told me that she was driving and she thought of me and wanted to see how I was. We talked for awhile, she let me unload and I hung up the phone feeling on top of the world. Someone remembered me, someone knew that I needed a friend and she followed that prompting. I called Chris and he told me that I sounded much happier. I told him Cass had called me and then I cried for the first 5 minutes of my conversation with him (bet you didn't know that did ya Chris? I'm sneaky...) I am blessed. I'm silly and petty and childish sometimes and I sometimes just need to know that someone cares about me which could make me seem even more silly petty & childish but it's something I struggle with.

I love the quote I posted at the top by Margaret Mead. The idea of the quote describes exactly what I felt tonight and it makes me feel a little more normal knowing that someone else feels that way as well.

I'd rather be here...